“It’s fine, Joey. I’ve been fine.” I put a hand on his arm.
He shrugged. “I know you have. I just thought if I could get done first, then I could support you.”
“Joey. This is nothing new. That was always the plan, and I was okay with it. I’m still okay with it—”
“I know! It’s just that you shouldn’t be. This is the prime of your life. You should be studying and figuring things out and making new friends. And dating. You should be dating! As it is ... you were a sitting duck for the likes of Jack Eversea strolling into town.”
I scowled. “Thanks a lot. Way to cheapen the entire thing and make me look like a fool.”
“That’s not what I meant. You know that. Just ... please. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, having been vehemently against it since I can remember, but Colt—”
“Do not finish that sentence, Joey.”
“He really likes you, always has. And he’s successful. Not Jack Eversea successful. But he has a good job, and he’s doing really well.”
“Stop it, Joey!”
“He’s a normal guy. A nice guy. He wouldn’t dare mess you around—”
“I thought you called him a man-whore because of all his one night stands,” I reminded him. That should shut him up.
“That’s just because he’s never dated anyone like you.”
I snorted. “Please.”
“Okay. That sounded dumb. I guess what I mean is, just let him take you out. Take you on a few dates, or something. You never know.”
“Joey. I can’t, ok? I just ... can’t. I’m ... raw. I just want to go back to it being only me for a long while. I don’t want that giddy roller coast ride of highs and lows. I’m in the low right now, and it’s crushing me.”
“But you wouldn’t have that with Colt, it would be steady. He’s steady.”
“Joey.” How did I explain how truly terrifying that sounded. “That would be worse than nothing at all.”
He slumped in his seat. “I know that, I guess. I just—”
“Look, I get it, you’re saying all this because you’re worried. But, Joey, I’ll be fine. I know I’ll be fine. I felt like I’d never be fine again after mom and dad, but I was. And then after Nana. But I was. I still miss them every day, but I’m alright. I know I’ll think about Jack every day for the rest of my life. He changed me. He made me want more. Made me want to be more. Those are good things. I’m hanging onto them. And regardless of what you think of him, and also how mad I am at him for how everything went down, he’s a good guy. I have to believe I didn’t fall for an asshole.” I clenched my fists. “But I’ll be okay. Not right now. But I will.” And so I’d keep telling myself until I actually believed it.
We climbed out of the truck and headed up the porch steps.
With his hand on the railing, Joey stopped and looked about him a moment before fixing his eyes on me. “Okay, kiddo, one last thing. Don’t wait on me. Please. Go ahead and look into some colleges or art schools, maybe even do something online for now. We can deal with the loans later. And fuck the town, they can just freakin’ wait on the house. This is your life we’re talking about.”
I smiled and wrapped my arms around him. “I’ve been thinking the same, I just wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it.”
“Damn, I’m sorry,” he said into my hair. “We should’ve done that all along. Somehow, we should have figured out a way. I’m so sorry.”
I hugged him tighter. “Stop apologizing. We did it the way we had to. And to be honest, I feel more focused now, more sure of what I want to do and study. I didn’t feel that before. I always thought I should do a safe degree, but now I know I should follow my dreams. And at least I have a clearer idea of what my dreams are. I got lost for a while, I think.”
Joey let me go and walked inside. He returned a few minutes later with two frosty glasses of sweet tea, and we sat on the top step of the porch in the fall breeze to enjoy the last hour of his visit together. It was cut short by two things, Jazz showing up and my phone buzzing a text.
I pulled it out of my back pocket, and upon seeing Jack’s moniker; Late Night Visitor, lost all my carefully smoothed out nerves. Breathing through the rolling wave of dizziness, I swallowed and read the words.
Late Night Visitor: I’m sorry. I’m sorry for how I was last night. I’m sorry for taking something from you I’ll never be able to give back. I’m sorry I am telling you this by text. I’m just ... sorry. You deserved so much more than me.
T H I R T Y – F I V E
Six Weeks Later