I had no idea what Jack was seeing in my blue eyes, but I could see a thousand questions in his. Questions I felt I’d never have the answer to. I stared up into his beautiful face. I wanted to tell him how amazing he was, how talented. How he was so much more, and he didn’t ever have to doubt his worth or measure it against the adoration of his fans or the dictates of his handlers. Or ever be afraid of whatever had happened to him as a child. We were so close I could see small tiny freckles across his upper cheekbones and a small faint scar I had never noticed before in his eyebrow. An imperfection that made him all the more perfect.
I lifted a finger and traced it gently, then smoothed the small furrow that appeared between his eyes. “Jack ... I was always told to live life, to grab it with both hands ... I never have.” I swallowed over my nerves, hoping the words were coming out right. “You were right, last night. I have been afraid to start living my life. Living means loving, and I know this sounds dumb, but all that has ever given me is pain. First losing my parents and then Nana. I know that’s a stupid parallel to draw for never wanting to date anyone or ... be with anyone.”
Jack smoothed a lock of hair away from my eyes. I was absolutely pinned to the moment by the intensity in his gaze. I tried to go on without tripping over my words. “I don’t want to be anymore. Afraid, I mean.”
Jack eyes flickered. “Sweetheart, there hasn’t been one moment when I’ve considered you afraid. I look at you, and all I see is certainty. Courage. Bravery. God, I’ve never met anyone so sure and so strong in who they are.” His mouth tilted up on one side. “It’s ... epic.”
I was humbled, and to be honest, floored by his words. That was never how I saw myself. Ever. I was afraid of everything. I dropped my eyes a moment, but Jack’s finger under my chin urged me to look up at him. I steeled myself to get it all out before I lost my nerve. “And I don’t want any regrets. I’ve never been ... frivolous, never done anything without weighing up the consequences. I feel like I’ve always had a heavy heart ... Nothing—no one,” I amended, “ever seemed worth taking a risk for.” I took a deep breath and shored up my nerves. “This is. You are. I can’t explain it. I—”
Jack’s mouth parted slightly, although I had no idea if that was good or bad. His gaze roamed over my face to my mouth, effectively cutting off my words.
I didn’t finish talking, but let my hand drift around to the back of his head and pulled him down to my mouth.
He didn’t resist.
I let out a soft sigh as his lips met mine. It was so right. This felt so right. It was like it spoke to me deep in my soul. I opened my lips to him and accepted the soft slide of his tongue and heard him groan deep in his chest. I wound my hand into a fistful of his hair. I could feel this kiss through my whole body, and my heart swelled in my chest and my legs shifted to get closer.
I wasn’t sure who instigated the move, but suddenly I had a leg across his lap and his hand on my thigh was dragging me astride him.
He’d lifted me effortlessly.
I let out a heavy breath as my skirt rode up, and I pressed my whole body to him.
“God,” Jack groaned.
My head tipped back, gasping, as Jack’s mouth found my neck.
He was hard and swollen beneath me. Moaning, I rocked forward against the rough ridge of his jeans.
“Christ,” he hissed out. His arm locked around my waist and pressed me down hard against him.
I whimpered. Couldn’t help it.
He dragged his lips up to mine and plundered my mouth as we rocked against each other. There was no argument in the world that could have convinced me Jack shouldn’t be inside me at that moment.
“Take me home,” I managed, between kisses. He pulled his mouth away from mine, breathing hard, and searched my eyes. His gaze, made luminous by the sunset we were missing, was piercing. I knew what he’d said to me last night and this morning, and I knew I faced rejection again, but I had to try. I wanted this. I wanted him. And I wanted him sealed in my heart forever. No matter what happened.
“Please ... make love to me, Jack.”
He closed his eyes tight and let out a breath, dropping his forehead to mine. After what felt like an eternity, he drew me into a tight embrace, his face buried in my neck. I wound my arms around his head and shoulders holding him tightly back. If this was all I could have of Jack, I would take it with my heart wide open.
He was going to say no. I mentally prepared for his answer and tried hard not to let the feeling of rejection unfold inside me. I knew I should take the words back and take the decision away from him before he had to tell me no again. It wasn’t fair of me to ask him to reject me again when we’d already talked about this.
I pulled back. “Neverm—”
“Yes,” he said at the same time.
“What?” I whispered.
“Yes. Let’s go.”
T W E N T Y – S E V E N
We roared past my house. Jack had asked me if I needed anything from home. I didn’t. The short drive to the beach house took hours. I tried not to think of the last time I left there. It was only yesterday afternoon and it felt like eons ago, like I was just a little girl back then.