“Ok, look. I do like him. But the problem is he’s really attractive, and I guess I am not sure if I like him for him or just because he’s hot.”
Jazz looked exasperated at my lame explanation, but I pressed on. “Also, he’s only been friendly to me, no come-ons at all.”
“Can I meet him? Maybe I’ll be able to tell if he’s interested or not.”
No.
“Well, he says he’s hiding out here, in case his girlfriend finds him, so he doesn’t want to be seen out and about.” Even to my ears that sounded weird.
Jazz narrowed her eyes. “Do you think he might be married and is worried someone will think he’s cheating? Where’s he live?”
“California.” It was out of my mouth before I could think.
“Okaaaaay.” Jazz looked at me with concern.
I didn’t say anything. How could I respond? No it’s ok, Jazz. It’s just that he’s super famous and despite the fact you and I tell each other everything, and I am forever in your debt for helping me through all the deaths in my family, I am going to keep this huge whopper of a secret from you, even though he’s actually someone you’ve had a crush on for, like, five years.
I wished I had never brought it up.
I knew part of me looked at Jack and saw Max. The situation was a little surreal. Big time Hollywood actor at the mercy of small town girl. I mean technically he needed me, he’d either starve or blow his cover. It was probably pretty natural to project a sappy ‘romcom’ outcome of that particular scenario. I wasn’t letting myself go there though. The fact of the matter was, whatever I thought of Jack or why, it was on my side entirely and it would be me who dealt with it when he left, as he surely would in exactly three weeks time. In the meantime, I would have to steel myself against his obvious charm.
I was just so inexperienced with men.
I had been kissed approximately once, two years ago by Jasper. It was fine. A bit awkward, but over quickly and had not, thank the stars, ever happened again after I told him I didn’t feel that way about him. I understood this was a little unusual for a girl my age in this century—to have only kissed one boy. The truth of the matter was no boy I knew lived up to the fantasy I’d created from the many books I’d read, and I wasn’t going to settle. And I for sure wasn’t going to have sex with any of them.
I was inexperienced, but I wasn’t na?ve.
“What’s his name?” Her question caught me completely unaware. I hadn’t really thought anything through about what to call him.
“Um...” I wondered if I should make one up but what if I forgot it? “Jack?”
It couldn’t hurt to be truthful about this one thing. There were plenty of Jacks in the world.
“Jack. Okay, you don’t seem sure. Keri Ann, are you okay? You are acting really odd, it’s wigging me out.”
“I’m fine. Totally fine. Just tired.”
She seemed to buy that. “Okay, let’s get done here and I’ll drop you home.”
After she pulled up at my house, she made me promise to be careful of Jack and call her in the morning. I was already trying to be careful. It was a confusing situation, made more so by the fact I couldn’t tell if my feelings were based on anything real.
I’d felt my phone buzz with a text while Jazz and I were finishing up at the grill, but had forgotten to check it. Pulling it out, I went inside and closed the door. The text on the screen made my stomach dip.
Late Night Visitor: Walk you home?
Shit. I checked the time, fifteen minutes ago. Had he been waiting outside for me? I quickly texted back.
Me: Sorry, got a ride with Jazz, didn’t see this.
My phone buzzed back immediately, searing my palm, or perhaps my nerves. I pressed my lips tightly together, keeping my breath tightly inside me a moment.
Late Night Visitor: Noticed. No problem, have a good night.
So he had been outside. I was surprised, warmed, and regretful all at once that I hadn’t checked my phone right away. I bit my lip and tapped out a reply.
Me: Thank you. You too.
I waited, staring at my phone. Would he text back again?
E I G H T
I woke up at eight, right on the tail end of a dream that was ending way too soon. I was out on the marsh, my bright orange kayak stark against the glittering water as I glided my paddle in and out of the water in perfect rhythm with my breathing.
The sudden sound of ripples and a puff of air had me looking to my right to catch the sight of a dolphin as it dove back under. In it’s wake, my eyes were drawn to the paddler in the kayak next to me.