“German chocolate. It was soooo good,” she groaned. I smiled, and at last it was truly genuine.
“Well, it’s just as well. I don’t eat a lot of cake.”
“I do! Then again, I’m eight years younger than you and my metabolism can handle it. You have to watch your handsome figure.” Her hand shifted down my chest and rubbed my abdomen.
“I think I do alright,” I said. I wasn’t shy about my body. I had no reason to be. “So weird to have a birthday, though. Do you think I look twenty-seven?”
Her smile was coquettish.
“I think you look… delicious!” Her hand traveled further down my abdomen until she brushed my cock with her fingers.
“Delicious, huh? That’s a new one. I was thinking virile, or the male personification of perfection.”
She laughed out loud. Her laugh was infectious. I loved the way it was a little too loud to be lady-like.
“Oh, Caleb. You’re those things too. But right now? I’m more interested in your tastiness.” She slid down on the bed and took my cock in her hand.
“Oh! Well in that case… taste away. If you have any more cake, I’d be happy to provide the frosting.” She wrinkled her nose and I laughed.
I lay back and let Livvie blow more than my mind.
CHAPTER FIVE
Livvie’s meeting with Reed went okay. He wasn’t an idiot though, Livvie recounted to me. He wanted to hang around for a few days and make sure Livvie was safe. I didn’t like him. I suspected his visit had more to do with uncovering secrets than keeping Livvie safe.
He spoke to Livvie’s friends, her co-workers, even the kid at the restaurant Livvie liked to go to. It was a good thing I had paid someone to give my note to the waiter. If he’d given Reed my description, we would have been pretty screwed. It took a great amount of will power to steer clear of him. I knew there were certain things Livvie would not forgive.
Livvie and I had no contact during Reed’s visit. I discovered more nightmares and a level of boredom I had never experienced before in my life. I was grateful for the internet until I was unable to resist doing a search for “Missing child+James Cole”.
There were a couple of results, but nothing that jumped out at me. I was kidnapped before the internet had become commonplace, before Twitter and Facebook, and 24-hour news. Back then, milk cartons and mailers were the best people could do. James Cole never stood a chance.
That night I dreamt I was trapped inside a child’s body. I was with Narweh again and my strength meant nothing. He laughed at me. I didn’t go online for a week.
I never like it when I dream. It’s usually about things I’d rather not think about. When I was a young boy and worked in the brothel, I never dreamed. At least, not that I can recall. There were mornings when I would wake and have new and interesting ways to murder Narweh when the time came—but I never attributed them to my dreams.
The first dreams I can recall began when Rafiq brought me to live with him. The uncertainty of my new fate had the tendency to terrify me. I have never felt comfortable sharing my feelings—especially my doubts, fears, hopes, and desires. They are what make me vulnerable and more than anything, I hate being vulnerable. Once Rafiq had gained my trust, once he had given me a destiny and a purpose, I didn’t dream so much.
The dreams resurfaced in the weeks following Livvie’s kidnapping. I had dismissed them at the time. I knew I was conflicted over many things: My desire to move on with my life. My confusion over Rafiq’s increasing secrecy. The nagging sense of doubt over kidnapping Livvie. The fear I was becoming Narweh. The dreams intensified the more my feelings for Livvie had begun to develop. I denied it then. I see it now.
The nightmares I had after I left Livvie at the U.S.–Mexico border were some of the worst I have ever had. If you know anything about me—and we’ve well established you do—then you can perhaps imagine the horrors I had to choose from. The truth is, I don’t let these things, the horrors of my past, drag me under. Quite the contrary—for so very long, they fueled me. Considering what I’ve been through, I often think I’m very well adjusted. I can handle anything the world throws at me, but for someone who tries to plan his moves ahead of time, uncertainty about my future leaves me disturbed as nothing else.
I thought finding Livvie would give me certainty, but I was learning that happiness also presents new ways to suffer. Misery, I understand. Happiness is terrifying.