My mind and body were on fire with my need for him. Everything that made me who I was, was crying out to be with him.
He wrapped his arms around me and moved to the side of me, pulling me close. I couldn’t let go and he didn’t make me. I pressed kisses into his neck, his shoulder, I kissed his lips and he let me, all the while talking to me softly and building the wall between us. Eventually, my soul’s demands overcame me. Tears poured from my eyes as I started to pound my fists against his chest, small screams falling from my lips.
He took it, let me hit him, let me scream. He just pulled me back to him, waiting patiently for me to remember. Letting me know he was there for me, letting me know it was okay.
Finally, my screaming and the hitting stopped, replaced by exhaustion and a feeling of loss. I fell weakly into his embrace, tears pouring down my cheeks as he kept holding me.
‘I’m here. I feel it too. It’s … crushing and it hurts. You’re not alone. You’re not alone.’
But I was alone. That was the whole problem. For as long as we were apart, I would always be alone. I buried my head into his chest. ‘I can’t do this. I’m not strong enough.’
He stroked my hair. ‘You’re the strongest person I know. You’d just gone up against the head of the Academy and pulled on a tonne of power to heal me, your defences were down. If anyone should be apologising, it’s me. I should have stopped sooner.’
‘I just wanted to distract you.’
He grinned. ‘You did. I’ve never been so distracted in my life.’
The enormity of what I had just risked hit me.
Guilt didn’t begin to cover it.
If Lincoln and I were together, if we let our souls join completely … If one of us died the other one’s soul would shatter … I wasn’t stupid. I knew just as well as everyone else, a war was on the horizon. And it didn’t take a genius to work out that with Phoenix’s physical hold over me it was more than likely that I wasn’t going to be walking away from the inevitable battle.
I couldn’t believe I’d been so selfish, so willing to just take Lincoln as mine when I was so close to my end. And there he was, still talking to me, soothing me.
Disgusted with myself, I started to pull away from him.
‘Hey,’ he said, tugging me back to him.
I shook my head, too embarrassed for words.
‘Don’t,’ he said. ‘Don’t blame yourself. Hell, Vi, I declared my love for you in front of everyone on a volcano for Christ’s sake! When Phoenix had you prisoner in Santorini I turned that island upside down looking for you and almost lost my mind in the process. We have to help each other. Staying away didn’t work. We’re going to get through this together.’
I half laughed. ‘We’re going to work out how to not be together, together?’
He chuckled back. ‘Yep. And I made a promise to you, in case you’ve forgotten, and I plan on fulfilling it one day.’
I swallowed, remembering that night after we’d come back from Santorini, when I’d asked him to promise that one day we would find a way to be together.
He pulled me to him.
‘Are you okay?’ I asked, worried I might be hurting him.
‘A hundred per cent,’ he said. ‘You’ve got that healing thing down pat.’
At least I could do one thing right. Even if it did come with sex-maniac side effects.
As if reading my mind, he added playfully, ‘And anyway, it’s not as if I’m complaining. I haven’t seen so much action in quite a while.’
My breath caught. I didn’t know what to say. I mean, I’d presumed since we’d discovered the soulmate thing that he hadn’t been with anyone else. But that didn’t mean I hadn’t wondered about other girls before. I wasn’t a fool. Lincoln may have only looked young, but he was really twenty-six. I knew he’d had other relationships. I’d just never dared to ask about them.
Sensing my hesitance he brushed a hand through my hair. ‘Wrong thing to say?’ he asked.
‘No. I just … I don’t really know who you’ve … I mean, I don’t know if there has ever been anyone …’
‘Oh,’ he said, catching on. He was silent for a while, deciding what to say. ‘I don’t want to make things harder for us, for you,’ he said. When I remained silent, he sighed. ‘I’m not … I’ve had a couple of girlfriends.’
‘I didn’t think you hadn’t,’ I answered honestly.
He nodded, his chin resting on the top of my head. ‘I guess I’ve only had one relationship that has lasted more than a couple of months and that was when I was nineteen. I went out with a girl for two years.’
Wow. Two years was the equivalent of living together, according to Steph’s timeline.