We were both silent for a while. Neither one of us knew where to go from here, but I guessed it was my turn to say something.
‘Your angel maker told me you made a deal. I thought it was to get into Heaven or something like that. It wasn’t though, was it?’
She smiled weakly. ‘Not exactly. My deal was to come back if Lilith did.’
‘And for that you went to Hell?’
She sipped her coffee. ‘It was the only way to be sure I would return at the same time as her. These things can be quite complicated. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I knew the price and I made my choice without regret. That doesn’t mean I don’t wish I could’ve been there for you. For everything.’
I looked down and shook my head quickly. ‘Did it hurt? I mean, in Hell?’
I could almost feel the room grow cold.
‘Violet, promise me you won’t ever ask me that question again and I’ll promise you, I won’t ever tell.’
Part of me wanted to insist she tell me. But the other part of me understood the warning in her voice. I was certain hearing the truth would break us both. So I just nodded.
I glanced at my watch, thinking of Lincoln.
I should’ve gone with him.
‘She’ll come for us, you know,’ Evelyn said, matter-of-factly.
‘Lilith? I don’t think so. She just cares about destruction. Phoenix knows no good will come of continuing to fight with us. He’ll make her leave us alone.’ But even I didn’t believe my words.
Evelyn fastened another fire-blue stare on me. ‘What Phoenix wanted stopped being relevant the moment Lilith returned. She’s the alpha of exiles and considers no one, not even him. And at the top of her kill-list will be me, and my daughter.’
I heard myself laughing as if I was listening from far away. I was finally losing it.
‘Well, that won’t be hard, then. If she doesn’t care about Phoenix, then all she has to do is kill him and she’ll kill me too.’
Before I had time to register she was on the move, Evelyn had a bruising grip on my shoulders. ‘How can hurting Phoenix harm you?’ she yelled, shaking me.
Instinct kicked in and I tried to push her away, but she held on and shook me again. ‘How?’ she screamed. ‘How!’
‘Because he healed me!’ I yelled back, making sure my next push counted, slamming her against the pantry as I added, ‘I was dying and he saved me!’
She lunged towards me again and I braced for attack but instead her arms wrapped around me. Her hold was so tight I could barely breathe and before I knew it, I was hugging her back, crying and hiccupping my way through the entire story, telling her how I’d trusted Phoenix, how I’d embraced to save Lincoln, how Phoenix had used his empath abilities over me, how I’d slept with him and how he’d then betrayed me.
I told her how much I loved Lincoln, how it hurt so intolerably to be near him. I told her how we’d thought we could be together in Jordan, how Phoenix had ripped apart our hopes by having Gressil kill Rudyard. How now, the only thing that kept us apart was the memory of Nyla and knowing that we could never allow that to happen to us. Finally, I told her about my first battle at Hades against Joel and Onyx, how Onyx’s sword had speared me and that Lincoln had been out cold.
‘I could feel my heart slowing, and then Phoenix was there. He healed me and saved my life. Afterwards, I told him to leave and never come back,’ I confessed, knowing that it had been that moment that had unleashed his darkness.
‘But he couldn’t stay away,’ Evelyn said, stroking my hair.
Somehow we’d ended up on the floor, me still folded tightly in her arms. ‘You’re not the only one addicted, my girl. He’s drawn to you. That may end up being your greatest weapon of all.’
She pulled me up off the floor and sat me at the dining table before reaching for her bag and pulling out a folder of newspaper clippings.
I pulled myself together and checked my watch. Lincoln should be on his way home soon. At least he hadn’t been there to witness my breakdown.
‘So this is where all our newspapers have been going.’ I tried for light-hearted but didn’t carry it off. ‘What are they?’ I asked, tucking my hair behind my ear, increasingly conscious of having just had a total meltdown in front of this woman. My mother! And then another joyous realisation sprang to mind …
I just told her I’d had sex with a dark exile!
Feeling way too exposed, I started closing up.
Remember the rules: No running, no quitting, no fairy tales. I can’t look weak in front of her.
When I pulled out of my mind spiral, Evelyn was staring at me. She had her hands on her hips and was standing over me.
‘Don’t,’ she said.
I blinked, wiping my tears away with the back of my hand. ‘Don’t what?’
‘Do you think you didn’t inherit anything from me? You’re doing exactly what I would’ve done if I’d fallen apart in front of someone I’d sworn to never let my guard down in front of.’