Endless (Embrace)

I kicked out and bucked beneath him, but it was useless. He was too strong. Every movement of mine was easily counteracted and I couldn’t breathe as Phoenix suffocated me.

The solid door blocked my way to help. They would not break through in time.

I felt Phoenix shaking on top of me and his haunting eyes penetrated mine, a million words within them, yet I couldn’t pluck out one.

Was this the way I was always meant to go?

The way that had been intended for me?

I had thought for so long it would be Phoenix who would kill me. Had he only lured me back for this final, most awful, betrayal? He must have planned this. He’d wanted me dead for so long.

This is his revenge.

I stopped struggling.

This is my time. I’ve done what I could and now I will end.

I stared at him. He was crying. I didn’t understand.

The colour in my vision and the life in me began to fade away. As the last pixel of light disappeared, I was suddenly standing before my angel maker.

This time, I knew beyond all doubt – I was dead.

There was no desert. No art studio.

I was in a field. Long, air-light grass, sun shining, its heat going all the way to my bones. The pain was gone. And this was not my world.

If felt strangely like a dream, though it was not. This was something else – for starters, it almost always rained in my dreams. But just as the thought crossed my mind, the sky crackled loudly and rain began to pour.

My angel maker stood before me. He was perfectly dry, not one drop of rain touching him. His face was clearer than ever before. More human and yet less.

‘I’m dead,’ I said, the words sounding all around me.

‘Right now? Yes,’ he replied.

I spotted the odd floating things I’d seen so many times before in my visits with Uri and Nox. They hovered in the background, shimmering and jutting in an unpredictable fashion. With so much water falling, they reminded me of large jellyfish. I took a step towards them, more drawn to them than ever.

‘Child, no. Not yet,’ my angel maker said gently. But it was a command. I froze.

‘Is this heaven?’

‘Is this what heaven would be for you? A field of rain?’

‘No.’

‘Then, that is your answer.’

‘Is this the angel realm?’

‘We have no need for land and physical substance. We are beyond that.’

‘Then where?’ Even in death, he was still annoyingly cryptic.

‘Where you must be. You are within the link, the place where we can be close to you. It is neither ours, nor yours. It is a place we make together.’

Suddenly I knew. This is what it was all about. This place. This was somehow what I was.

‘Others don’t come here, do they?’ I asked.

‘No. When we must, we can simulate a place for them. A place for their trials – a dream, a vision – but no other has the ability to create space in the universe with us. You are the only one.’

I closed my eyes and intuitively knew what to do. I willed myself to see the truth – to see this place as it really was. I opened my eyes again.

The first thing I saw was the limits, as if we were on an island surrounded by … not nothingness and yet, not something either. Space unknown. Then I noticed the sun. It was much closer than it should be, and the rain I’d started stopped instantly, clearing my view to the sky.

I gasped, backing up a few steps.

The now-dusky sky was filled with rainbows. Dozens. Hundreds. Rainbows were encircling the universe, connecting everything.

‘What … What does this mean?’

‘New possibilities.’

‘For what?’

‘Many things.’

‘But I … I’m dead.’

‘For now.’

‘But Nox and Uri said this was the angel realm when they visited me, that the two realms were touching.’

My angel maker shrugged. ‘In a way, it is true. They told you what you were ready to hear. How is Evelyn?’

His change of subject surprised me. ‘She’s … Lilith has her.’

He nodded. ‘It is the way it must be. Those of us who chose our paths earliest are the strongest and Lilith was the first to exile – her power grows. Evelyn is no longer a worthy opponent. She did what she could, remarkable it was, but now it is time for this battle to finish. It is time for you to take your place.’

‘How?’

‘You have all the tools you need.’ He glanced at my wrists and my markings began to swirl. I held them up, remembering what Onyx had said.

‘The thirteenth ingredient,’ I murmured.

He actually laughed, surprising me again. ‘The only ingredient.’

I blinked. ‘But … Onyx said … Why … Why the other ingredients, then?’

‘Humans like to complicate things. It is time to go.’

‘Do you care?’ I asked quickly, not knowing what was going to happen, where I was going to go.

‘For many things,’ he replied.

Desperate for something to make me whole again I pushed. ‘For me? Do you care what happens to me?’

He considered me for a moment. ‘Enough to allow what I know must now happen,’ he said, fire erupting behind his eyes.