Levi glanced over, and when his eyes met hers, a condescending smile crossed his gorgeous mouth. “Oh come on, A, you really didn’t think this was a start to something again, did you?”
The air rushed out of her as Levi shook his head and started moving around the room. Audrey got out of bed, grabbed her dress from the night before, and slid it on. Her hands shook uncontrollably as she zipped up, turning to face Levi. Her heart was beating so hard that it felt like her chest was vibrating. She didn’t want to fight with him, she wanted to go back to bed and cuddle. But he had taken that fantasy away from her. He was still with someone.
She took in a shuddering breath before saying, “You slept with me, and you’re still with someone?”
Levi rolled his eyes as he tucked his keys into his pocket. “Yeah, so?”
“Oh my God,” she said, her hands coming up to her stomach. She felt like she was going to puke. What the fuck was wrong with her? “You said you missed me!”
“I do. I miss fucking you, but I don’t want you.”
“You asshole!” Audrey screamed, her heart breaking all over again.
“You’re killing me here, A. When are you ever going to figure it out? I don’t want to be with you.” He reached the door, turned, and pinned her with a distant look. “I just want to fuck you. See ya around, Cupcake.”
Audrey took in shuddering breaths as she listened to him run down the stairs. When she heard the front door slam, she fell to the floor, holding her knees close to her chest.
I just want to fuck you.
How many times had she heard that? How could she have let this happen? Why did she always do this to herself? Why couldn’t she see through his lies? As the questions swam in her head, she sat staring at the dark mole on her knee. Slowly, her vision clouded with tears, and when they started to fall, she popped up and ran to the bathroom. She didn’t want to feel the tears rolling down her cheeks, it would make everything worse.
Still wearing the beautiful dress her sister had picked out, Audrey jumped in the shower. She turned the water on the hottest setting, filling the bathroom with steam. The dress started to hurt against her skin and she began tearing it off, destroying it. She didn’t know whether the pain coursing across her skin was from the water or from Levi.
She felt dirty, disgusting.
Grabbing her loofah, she started to scrub her body, crying as the roughness and the hot water burned her skin. She welcomed the pain, though. With every swipe of the loofah, she felt less dirty. She needed to get the smell of Levi off her! She couldn’t take it. Never had she felt so cheap. Only Levi could do this to her, and it happened every time.
When she finally felt clean, she dropped to her bottom, pulling her knees up under her chin as sobs ripped out of her. She had never felt like such a failure, such loss, so worthless, other than when she’d had the abortion years ago. She had always thought highly of herself, believed that one day everything would work out. But now she didn’t feel like things were ever going to get better.
As Audrey rocked back and forth, her body becoming numb, she still couldn’t figure out what she had done wrong. Part of her knew she never would. Her heart needed to accept it and move on, but it was hard. And at that moment, crying at the bottom of her bathtub seemed like the best thing she could do. All she needed was for her neighbor to start playing his piano and everything would be better. When she remembered that her neighbor was Tate Odder, a new round of tears rushed along her cheeks. She had fucked that up too.
God, she was such a whiner.