And it had to be now.
Tate dropped his hands, stood up, and saw Audrey in the open doorway. She was bundled up in her coat, her nose red from the cold. Her eyes were glued to his and she looked scared as she moved her hands together and apart. He could tell that she was nervous and hated that he had done that to her. He never meant to.
“The door was unlocked,” she said quietly, her eyes never leaving his.
Tate nodded, his heart starting to beat fast again, while his body begged him to run and hide. Instead, he moved around the piano toward her, his eyes locked with hers. “I’m glad you are here,” he said softly, stopping before her. “I need to apologize.”
Audrey shook her head. “No, that can wait. I need you to tell me why I had to hear from Lucas and Fallon about your family. Why didn’t you tell me, Tate?”
He looked down at his hands, watching them shake as he took in quick gasps of air, not knowing what to say. He should have known that Fallon and Lucas would have said something, and he was sick with the fact that they had been the ones to tell her. He was supposed to be that person, not two people who had no clue about what really had happened.
I’m such an idiot, he thought, while his heart jackhammered against his chest. When her hands came into his, holding them tightly to make them stop shaking, he broke. His eyes filled with tears all over again as he lifted his face to see her better. “Did I do something to make you not want to tell me?”
He shook his head, still unable to look her in the eyes. “I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“Do you not want to tell me?”
Tate shook his head again. “I do. I just …”
Her brows drew in as she shook her head, moving closer to him. “Tate, you’ve obviously been through a lot, and I understand it has to be hard to talk about. But I don’t understand why you couldn’t tell me. Do you not trust me?”
“I do trust you.”
She still looked confused. “Okay, do you want to talk about it?”
“No, but I need to tell you.”
“You don’t have to, Tate.”
“I do,” he said, then led her across the hall to his room. He sat on the bed and brought her down beside him. He leaned against his knees, trying to catch his breath. His heart was going crazy, his breathing out of control, and his palms clammy with sweat. But he knew he had to do this. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath before beginning to relive that horrible night.
“I was at a championship game when Elsa came running onto the bench, screaming to me. No one knew what was going on, but I knew something was wrong. I skated over to her and only heard the last part of what she said. ‘There’s been an accident.’ ” Still not looking at Audrey, he shook his head. “She said that my family was in it, and that we needed to get to the hospital right away. I was in a trance, I guess, getting out of my gear, getting into her car, and during the whole ride to the hospital. I didn’t know they were dead, but I felt like something was seriously wrong. I had this feeling in my chest,” he said, holding his hand there. “It was as if I was losing them, and they were taking part of me with them. It was one of the most awful feelings I’d ever had. When I got to the hospital, it all got worse.”