I bolted upright so quickly I tipped out of my seat and onto my knees. I leaped to my feet and made my way to the bathroom, where I scooped cold water onto my face.
A dream. It had been a dream. A very real, very disturbing dream. The same as the ones I’d been having for the past two weeks. And, more troubling, the same as the flash vision I’d experienced in the meat market.
All was quiet in the hour or so before we landed. Gray was asleep and I presumed Onyx was too. I paced up and down the centre aisle, releasing a few shaky breaths, fighting the ghosts of my past.
When I passed Onyx he spoke quietly, startling me. ‘You’ve changed.’
I kept pacing. ‘Yes.’ I swallowed. ‘I had to.’
‘Me too.’ His response surprised me, stopping me in my tracks.
‘I’m not sorry, Onyx,’ I said, softly. ‘A part of me will always carry the guilt of taking your choices from you and making you human, but if I hadn’t you would’ve …’
He nodded, sadly, showing me a truth in his eyes I’d never glimpsed before. ‘I would’ve killed you and done untold things of horror.’ He took a deep breath. ‘They’re not all bad, you know, angels malign – it’s not that they’re evil; they just see the value in the negative. Without it there is very little way to gauge the positive. As you know, for exiles – whether light or dark – clarity is not theirs. Everything – envy, greed, hatred, anger – it’s all heightened. Exiles feel immense power and are driven by immense desire to simply act and effect change to their liking. It’s their reality, and for them, it’s addictive.’
I nodded, understanding as best as I could. I noticed that Onyx referred to exiles as ‘they’, no longer including himself in the same category.
Insanity and power are a perilous combination, which was why exiles of light were no better. The answer was always power and force, the solution always their own; and when they were in human form, that meant some form of physical violence.
‘I still struggle within the confines of an only-human body,’ Onyx went on. ‘But that’s not all you forced on me.’
I looked down, waiting for whatever nail he was going to drive in.
‘You gave me clarity.’
I glanced up and he shrugged.
‘Such a simple thing. It took months for it to finally settle and then even more time to come to terms with what I had become. Pride is brutal when stripped, whether it be from angel, exile or human. But it is also a gift when needed.’
I listened, dumbstruck by his confession.
‘I’m not exactly sure what I am now,’ he mused. ‘I have an eternity of patchy memories, an inherent darkness that will never leave and, though I am mostly human, I am uniquely aware of what is not. And I have clarity. For the first time I have someone … I have people I would stand beside and fight with – not for my own purposes, but for theirs – because I choose to.’ Onyx looked into my eyes for a moment and, I was suddenly certain, saw too much. ‘Dare I say, because of you, I have come the closest in my existence to being … part of a family.’ His voice caught on the last word. ‘So,’ he straightened, clearing his throat. ‘No. No apology required.’
Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Onyx really has changed.
After a few stunned beats, I nodded. ‘Thank you.’
His smile turned fiendish, and decidedly more familiar. ‘No. Thank you. I can barely wait to get you to New York. I’d sell tickets to the event if I were willing to give up my front-row seat.’
‘And what event would that be?’ I asked, crossing my arms.
‘Oh, come on. You and Lincoln in a room together? Soulmates. Once joined and now parted. Why, your story will be one for the new-age bible – the cautionary tale of dos and don’ts and the tragedy that lies between. No doubt we are headed for the greatest chapter yet.’
I shook my head. ‘Sorry to disappoint. I’m going to get Spence and that’s it. I’ll be in and out, job done before there is any time for anything else.’
Onyx chuckled. ‘Still deluding yourself, I see. Fabulous!’
When we touched down I sent Josephine a text:
At JFK. Thanks for the ride.
Can I trust you to keep this to yourself?
Her response was immediate:
I won’t tell a soul. But don’t fool yourself.
He will find out.
I sighed as I read her message, looking up to see Gray watching me carefully.
‘Are you going to tell me why I’m coming along?’ he asked.
He’d known it was important. And I knew he could smell a good fight ahead, so he’d come along, no questions asked, up until this point.
‘Back-up,’ I answered. ‘I never know what to expect from Josephine and I need someone who is definitely on my team.’
Gray nodded, understanding.
‘And …’
‘Yes?’ Gray raised his eyebrows.
‘I need you to help me keep my guards up.’