‘There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief … and unspeakable love.’
Washington Irving
Disoriented, I opened my eyes. My groggy mind took a few moments before it allowed the memories to flood in. I looked at my left hand to see the violet ring and then to the end of my bed where Lincoln sat in a chair, watching me.
‘When was the last time you slept in a bed?’ I asked, smiling.
He shrugged in response.
‘I see.’
‘How are you feeling?’ he asked, moving closer.
‘Okay. Physically, I feel like I’m mending.’ I frowned as I combed my fingers through my now considerably shorter hair. ‘But my power … I still can’t feel it like I normally can.’ I tried to hide my concern but of course he saw right through me.
Lincoln brushed the loose strands of hair back from my face. ‘I know. I can’t heal you like I should be able to. Griffin thinks you probably burned out. It might take a little time for everything to come back online.’
I exhaled, but not fully. There was a part of me that worried I had lost it for good. It made me realise just how much I’d come to embrace my power and role as Grigori. It is who I am.
I’d been out of it for a couple of weeks and I knew that not all the news waiting for me would be good. It couldn’t be. I took Lincoln’s hands in mine.
‘Milo?’ I whispered.
He shook his head.
‘Who else?’
Lincoln’s eyes glassed over and he swallowed thickly. I felt the tears slip down my cheeks.
Later that night, Chloe sat on the edge of my bed while Spence and Lincoln moved back to give us some space.
‘Someone’s got to talk to those Rogues out there,’ Spence said to Lincoln. ‘Steph almost lost her shit with them earlier when she tried to visit. And they made us leave all our weapons with them like they own the place or something.’
I bit back a sad smile, confused by the Rogues’ uncharacteristic behaviour.
‘You know they don’t care what I say,’ Lincoln said plainly.
Spence crossed his arms. ‘Then who the hell will they listen to?’
Lincoln looked at me, and my chest started to hurt even more.
‘Are you sure this will work?’ I asked Chloe.
She nodded. ‘We were there. Spence and I were running along the rooftops, trying to get to them. We saw you with Phoenix and then what happened below. Spence tried, Violet. He leaped right off the roof and into the fight. He did everything he could.’
I held back the tears that seemed to have been streaming for the past twenty-four hours.
‘Are you sure you want to see this?’ Chloe asked tentatively.
‘Show me,’ I said.
Two days later, I laid a white rose on Milo’s gravestone. The Grigori who had given their lives had been brought back and buried in a special Grigori graveyard just outside Manhattan. Given that most of us have outlived our family by the time we die, the graveyard had been established to keep us together.
More than two hundred Grigori had died in the battle, making it the largest loss in Grigori history. Many senior Grigori from all corners of the world and a large number of Grigori still too young to be gone had given their lives.
Drenson and Adele had been given headstones like everyone else. I had placed a flower on each of their graves. Sure, Drenson had tried to kill me but I understood how heady a thing power is. Drenson had been unable to fight the lure. Did that make him unaccountable? Of course not. Did that make him evil? I don’t believe so. Mostly it just made him an ass who had lost control and paid the price. His judgement would come, but not by my hand.
I passed by Seth’s and Decima’s headstones, feeling a sense of relief for them. In many ways I think their end was their gift. They were ready, and to go out fighting seemed only right.
Finally, I stopped at the last grave, grateful that Lincoln had seen to this while I was asleep. It was white marble and sat beneath a weeping willow tree, separate from the rest, as I knew he would wish. After all, his life had always been lived apart.
I stood at his grave for many hours.
Sometimes I cried. Sometimes I just shook my head wishing it wasn’t true.
Mostly, I prayed.
Stupid, I know. Me? I still didn’t even know the truth of it all. Whether there was a god and if there was if it was even a god I cared much for. But still … I prayed for his peace. I prayed for his happiness and I prayed that he knew how much he had done for me. That at that craziest, darkest time of my life, he had been there for me and somehow managed to drag me through day after day.