"Did I make you blush? Are you blushing?"
"Fuck, no," I said. "I'm laughing at you. You're direct, I'll give you that."
"Well, take it off and get in bed with me," she said. "How's that for direct?"
I sat on the side of the bed and rolled down the sock that covered the outside of the device. I could feel her eyes on me.
"Hey, I thought you said you hadn't watched any of my movies?"
I sighed as I pressed the pin at the bottom of the prosthetic and pulled it off. "You caught me," I said.
"You're a secret River Andrews fan?" she asked. "I could see that." She moved over and rolled onto her side, her head propped up on her arm, watching me.
I rolled the inside sock and liner off and slid into bed next to her, lying on my side, facing her. "I'm becoming more of a River Andrews fan now," I said, reaching between her legs.
She laughed and smacked my hand away. "You're incorrigible."
"Big word. Don't know what it means," I lied, grinning. "If it means hard, then yeah, I am." I held her palm against my cock.
Her hand traveled down the length of my cock, cupped my balls. "You're not disappointed we didn't have sex?"
"Fuck yeah, I'm disappointed," I said. "I'm going to the store first thing tomorrow and buying the largest fucking size box of condoms they have. Fuck it. I'm going to buy what they have in stock. Then I'm coming here, and I'm going to stick my cock so many times you're not going to be able to walk for a week."
River laughed. "Is that a promise?"
I kissed her slowly, catching her lower lip in between my teeth and gently pulling on it as I slipped a finger inside her. Then I let her lip go. "That's a fucking promise."
She was quiet for a minute, her focus entirely consumed by what my hand was doing between her legs and by what she was doing with my cock. "Wait. So you watched my movies this afternoon or what?" she asked, her voice dropping in volume and becoming breathier as I fingered her.
"I looked you up on the internet on my phone after I left here," I admitted. She paused, mid-stroke.
"And?" she asked. "Did you find out all my secrets?" Her tone was light, but the way that she looked at me wasn't.
"Nah," I said. "Secrets should be left alone, don't you think? I just wanted to see what movies you were in so I didn't feel like such an idiot for not knowing who you were."
She looked at me for a long moment, and then leaned close to me, kissing me on the lips. It was soft, tender this time. "You're a good man, Elias," she said.
I didn't answer her, didn't explain to her that I was one of the Saint brothers, that in the eyes of the residents of West Bend we were definitely not good men. I knew what it was like to have secrets you didn't want to reveal.
I just let her keep doing what she was doing with her hand on my cock, while I brought her to orgasm again. Afterward, she slid down my body, took me in her mouth, her hands on my thighs.
Later, she lay with her head on my chest and I stroked her hair absently, looking at one of the pictures on the wall, this black and white photograph of the mountains outside of town, an area I recognized from years ago. I could hear her breath, slow and deep, but every so often I felt her eyelashes brush against my skin, so I knew she wasn't sleeping. All the same, she was quiet, and seemed content enough just lying here.
I felt content enough too, which was a weird fucking feeling for me.
"I haven't done anything like this since-oh hell, I can't remember how long it's been," River said, finally breaking the silence
"Like what?" I asked, half-listening.
"Fooling around like this but not having sex."
I ran my hand up and down the middle of her back. "So?" I asked. "How is it, not having sex?"
She chuckled. "Pretty good," she said. "Of course, I've been going without for a while now."
"What do you mean?" I asked. "You had a fiancé." I didn't want to fucking talk about her fiancé, and I found myself being the one to bring him up. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing, probing into River's past.
"Yeah," she said. "We hadn't exactly been having sex. Not for a while."
"Oh," I said. I didn't know why the fuck I felt so pleased to hear her say that. It's not like her sex life was any of my business. I just didn't like the idea of some other guy touching her. I felt strangely territorial about her. It wasn't like me. "Me either."
"You either what?"
I exhaled loudly. "Sex. I haven't sex either - not in a long time," I said, intending to leave it at that. But my fucking mouth just kept talking, as if of its own accord. "Not since the explosion."
I didn't know what the fuck my problem was - I wasn't self-conscious about the prosthetic when it came to anything else. Everything else in my routine was back to normal.
Except when it came to women. I hadn't let anyone get that close to me.
I didn't feel like trying to explain that bullshit to her. I didn't think I understood it myself.