“Open the door!”
I can’t focus on the voice yelling outside my room as the ringing returns to my ears, and the words I just read run back through my mind. Leaning my head back, my eyes begin to burn with the mixture of my tears, blood, and makeup. The sounds that engulf are out of control and torturous.
The banging grows louder, and I move my eyes to focus on the door.
“Open the fucking door!”
I don’t even flinch when I hear the crashing and splitting of wood as the door is being kicked down because I’m too far gone. I’m lost inside myself and nothing feels real anymore.
Another kick, and I watch in a daze as Declan storms over to me.
“Oh my God!” I hear a woman shriek, and I know it’s Isla, but I keep my attention solely on Declan.
“Jesus!” he panics when his hands come to my face, but it all seems like a dream.
I can’t even feel his touch; my body singes in radiant tingles, but somehow the flesh is utterly numb.
“I need wet towels!” he shouts, and the ringing inside me settles to a low, monotone hum. It’s incessant.
“Should I call a medic?”
“No,” he snaps at Isla before dabbing the wet towel to my face.
I feel nothing though.
Is my heart even beating?
I know it must be when I finally feel the pressure of touch, but it isn’t from Declan. I roll my head to the side, and Pike is here with me. He takes my hand in his and holds it tightly.
“You’re here.”
“I’m always here.”
“Yeah, darling. I’m here. What happened?”
I faintly hear Declan’s voice, but it’s almost an echo as I concentrate on Pike.
“I miss you so much,” I say as I begin to weep through a new slew of tears.
“Talk to me.”
“I’m right here, Elizabeth. Don’t cry.”
“She never wanted me,” I choke out.
“Who?”
“Who?”
“My mother. She sold me.”
“Fuck her. You never needed her anyway.”
“Shh . . . Just breathe, okay?”
“I need someone though. I’m so alone,” I say to Pike.
“You’re not alone,” he insists and then nods his head towards Declan.
I briefly look over, and his hands are still on me, pressing a towel firmly over the top of my head. When I look back to Pike, I admonish, “He doesn’t want me. He only pities the pathetic waste he now knows I am.”
“Elizabeth, what are you talking about?”
“He cares for you. Why else would he be here right now?”
“How could he care about me after what I did?”
“Love is love. It doesn’t just vanish.”
“How can you be so sure about that?”
His hand squeezes mine, soothing the chills that now start to wrack me and leans over to whisper softly in my ear, “Because even though you shot and killed me, I still love you with every little piece of my heart. I still want to give you the world.”
“How can I be sure of what? What are you talking about?” Declan’s distant voice questions me, thinking I’m talking to him.
“Is she going to be okay?”
“She’s fine! Please go and give us some space, will you?”
I barely hear Declan and Isla, but my eyes never leave my brother’s as more tears fall. How can he still love me when I’m so unlovable?
“I’m so sorry,” I cry. “I want to take it back so bad, Pike, but I can’t! I don’t know how.”
“Darling, look at me. Who’re you talking to?”
“Tell me how, Pike. How do I go back and fix this?”
“You can’t.”
The finality of my choices, knowing they can’t be undone, is a horrendous weight I carry with me now. A weight I doubt I can carry for much longer.
“Elizabeth, look at me! Focus!”
“Look at him, Elizabeth.”
“He doesn’t love me. It hurts to look at him.”
“He hides it, but if you look close enough, you can see his cracks.”
“But what about you? I want you to stay. I want you back,” I plead like a small child begging for something that’s impossible, but I beg anyway.
“You have me inside of you. I can’t get any closer than that.”
“God dammit, look at me!”
“You’re scaring him,” he tells me in a calm voice and then urges one last time, “Look at him, Elizabeth.”
And when I do, one touch is exchanged for another. My hand grows cold as my face warms under Declan’s touch, and I begin to sob uncontrollably at the switch.
“I’M SO SORRY,” she wails, but she isn’t looking at me. “I want to take it back so bad, Pike, but I can’t! I don’t know how.”
Did she just say Pike? What the fuck is going on?
“Darling, look at me. Who’re you talking to?” I ask as I press the now blood-soaked towel on Elizabeth’s head, trying to clot the bleeding. But it’s as if she doesn’t even hear me when she continues to talk to nobody.
“Tell me how, Pike. How do I go back and fix this?”
“Elizabeth, look at me! Focus!” I yell at her, needing to get her to snap out of whatever hallucination she’s having.
“He doesn’t love me,” she goes on. “It hurts to look at him.”
Fuck, what’s going on with her? She’s scaring the shit out of me with her cryptic eyes and this arcane conversation.