Curiosity gets to me, but it’s more than that. It’s a feeling of ownership, as if this place is mine, because once upon a time ago, it was going to be mine, but time wasn’t on my side back then. It still isn’t.
I step off the drive and into the snow that covers the ground beneath. I duck behind the trees to remain unseen and start exploring the grounds. Steep hills are covered in bushes and trees that the cold weather has consumed to a barren state. If I close my eyes, I can picture the lush greens and colorful flowers that would come to life under the warm sun. The beauty is still visible though. Everything looks pure and virgin, coated in the fluffy, white powder.
Looking up, I can see the house perched at the top of the hill. My heart grows heavy, sinking down into my gut as I peer up through the trees to see the stonework of what was supposed to be my palace. I continue to weave deeper into the trees, wandering about when I come across a small, manmade, pebbled creek that winds down one of the small hills. It’s covered in frozen water and there’s a small wooden bench at the bottom where it rounds out into a tiny pond.
And now it hits me . . .
Taking a slow spin to take in my surroundings, nestled within this beautiful place, I realize this resembles what I’ve spent my life dreaming about. A small forest. Carnegie’s magical forest. The thought brings me a warmth of comfort along with a cleaver to my chest because now I feel I’ve lost even more.
Time passes as I explore, getting lost in my head with fantasies of what could have been and memories of what was. When I get closer to the top of the hill, I can see the front of the house between the branches. It doesn’t look like any home I’ve seen. It’s grand and dignified, adorned in large pieces of stone that embody this three-story structure. A massive, tiered fountain stands proud at the center of the circle drive. It’s covered in snow, but it doesn’t take away from the beauty.
Shrubs line the perimeter of the house, but there are several gaping holes in the hedge, missing bushes that have probably died in the frost and been removed. Everything is so pristine except for the mess of randomly missing shrubs. I take a few steps to try and get a closer look at a small building sitting off to the side of the house when I hear a door close, startling me. Quickly turning, I stagger on my feet, moving deeper into the trees to hide.
A car starts.
“Shit,” I murmur under my breath, and I know I have to quickly get back down to the base of the property without being seen.
I see the black SUV making its way down the drive, and I rush towards the gate, trying to keep my balance. There’s no way I’ll be able to scale the wall to get out if that gate closes, but there are hidden patches of ice I’m trying to watch out for, slowing me down.
Grabbing on to tree trunks for balance as I make my way down, I notice the SUV stop from the corner of my eye, and in a panic to get to my car, I make a run for it. I’m close to the gate, and I take a look behind me to see the SUV moving again. When I turn my head back around, I stumble, crouching over to duck under a massive branch hanging too low. My shoe catches on a patch of ice, knocking me off balance. Taking a huge step to get my slipping feet back under me, I plow down several feet, falling hard onto my stomach on the drive. My palms sting as I try to catch my fall on the icy gravel.
Not wanting to get caught trespassing on private property, I do my best to hop up to my feet.
“Hey!” a man shouts at me, but my pounding heart that beats in my ears muffles him.
I slow my step and stop, cursing myself for being so foolish. Turning around, the man’s car door is open, and when he steps out, my lungs fill to the brink of their elasticity. Everything that’s been working so hard at keeping me alive soothes, and my hands fly to cover my mouth in utter shock and elation.
Oh my God.
Confusion and fear and anxiety swarm through my veins.
Everything stops.
Time stands still.
I can’t move, can’t blink, can’t breathe.
My eyes scan his figure as the seconds falter between us.
This isn’t real. You’ve been out in the cold for too long. You’re upset and hallucinating, Elizabeth. It isn’t real.
But he moves.
He’s alive! Oh, thank God, he’s alive, but how?
Something between a gasp and a cry rips out of me. I can’t help the thankful smile that grows on my lips that are hidden behind my hands, and I prepare to run to him. He’s alive and on solid ground, not buried in the dirt of the earth like I’ve believed this entire time. He’s whole and beautiful, and I need to cover him in my warmth just as much as I need him to cover me. To heal this suffering that’s been gnawing through my flesh and bone, straight into the fibers of my cells.
I breathe in holy relief as he steps away from the SUV.
“What the fuck are you doing here?!”
I drop my hands, stunned beyond what I can comprehend as his harsh tone slays every piece of hope my foolish heart just resurrected.
“You’re real?” I question, but my words are barely audible under my panted breath. My pulse is turbulent, and I’m not sure if what I’m seeing really exists.