Lee sweeps her arm out, lending me the stage. “Give the girl some music, Dale!”
I pull in a deep breath. I don’t recognize the song, but it’s enough for me to ignore the way my toes pinch together and how the balls of my feet feel like they’re on fire. My first few steps are long like Lee said, but slow and tentative. She’s right about walking toe to heel with one foot in front of the other. It makes your hips swing, which sets your whole body in motion, like a downhill bicycle. Once you’re going, you can’t stop. As I turn around at the other end of the stage, Dale whistles again. I walk with purpose and with the knowledge that if this room was packed, every eye would be on me.
Lee claps for me and wraps her arms around my waist. Her head presses against my boobs, and for a brief moment, I remember that she is a he. I wish every day of my life could be this absurd. I want Lucy to see this. To see that I’ve connected the dots of her fragmented life, and here I am.
I watch as Hannah trips across the stage, falling not once but twice. Halfway through her walk back across the stage, she tears her heels off and throws them into the empty audience. And the whole time she’s laughing, which isn’t something I can say I’ve seen her do much of.
Millie’s walk is measured and careful. Lee reminds her over and over again to keep her eyes on the horizon and not on her feet. A few times she holds her hands up for balance, but she makes it. And Amanda, she’s so comfortable in her own shoes that she barely requires any coaching.
Before we drive home, the four of us sit at the bar while Dale makes virgin cocktails for us and not-so-virgin cocktails for Lee.
Lee tells us about stage makeup and what kind of clothes make statements until she’s had so many cocktails that her head is slumped against the bar. “I wish I’d known girls like you when I was in high school.”
“Why?” asks Hannah. “You like being made fun of?”
Lee shakes her head. “No. No, I wish I would’ve had friends that were going after things they weren’t supposed to have. I was so scared of myself at that age. I was so scared that all the big things I wanted would never be anything more than wants.”
Dale comes around the other side of the bar. “I better get you home before I have to open tonight.”
Lee sits up. “It got better,” she says. “Look at me. I’m living my dream. I’m in love. I’m happy. But I waited for that to happen to me. And y’all are making it happen now. Y’all are going for it.”
We sip our drinks for a moment. I don’t say anything, but her words bring something inside of me to life. Like, I’m using a muscle I forgot I had.
“Thank you for helping us today,” says Amanda. “Even if I can’t wear heels.”
With the help of Dale, Lee pops off her bar stool. “Child, you don’t need heels. You’re fierce all on your own.”
She walks down the row of us and kisses each of our cheeks. Millie reaches to hug her, and Lee doesn’t pull away. As Dale is getting her in the car, we gather our stuff and load up into Amanda’s mom’s van.
The drive home is quiet. Not even Hannah has anything snarky to say. Millie makes us stop at a grocery store for a thank-you card. We each sign it, and Millie promises to drop it in the mail.
There’s something different about us. I can feel it. It’s not a walk. Or a makeup tip. It’s not anything you can label or take a picture of, but I feel it like you do a birthday—nothing you can see, but something you intuitively sense.
FORTY-SEVEN
“Dumplin’! You have a guest!”
I storm down the stairs. Bo volunteered to pick me up, but I specifically told him to text me when he was outside. I guess he’s not one for following directions.
Last night as I was getting into bed, my phone chimed. I should’ve known better but, for a second, I thought it might be Ellen.
BO: hey you wanna study for that World History test this weekend?