Drowning to Breathe

Ash lifted his shot glass a little higher. “To a future that’s looking bright.”


And I should have found comfort in it, because Ash was pure smiles and uncontained satisfaction.

But I didn’t, because those fingers at my side tightened.

Almost painfully.

Regret.

Regret.

Regret.

It stormed around us.

The group of girls lifted their glasses, having no idea what they were toasting, but eager to play along. “To the future.”

As if any of them would be a part of it.

And the unease in Sebastian left me wondering if I would be, either.




I did my best to focus on work and not pay attention to the way Sebastian watched me throughout the night. It was virtually impossible.

That piercing gaze followed me, seeking and searching me out, the constant flickering and changing emotion almost too much for me to bear.

I wanted to beg him for reassurance, for the night to pass quickly so he could take me and wrap me in his arms, provide encouragement that whatever I was feeling was unwarranted.

The second band was still on stage, working through their final set. A haze of indistinct faces filtered through my sight as I went through the motions, my concentration focused on the single table that stood out in the limelight. Prominent above all others.

When I emerged from the kitchen through the swinging doors and back into the bar, it was again immediate. I executed my own hunt, seeking him out.

Only this time, he was no longer there. The same five girls surrounded the table, Lyrik and Ash more than pleased to entertain them, Zee straddling the sidelines, as if he didn’t want to be a part of their games.

Sebastian’s chair was empty.

Blood pumped heavily through my veins. On edge, I moved through the crowd, taking care of my customers up close to the dance floor in front of the stage, faking smiles and tossing out counterfeit pleasantries.

I delivered appetizers to a table and began to back away.

An erotic shock burned through me with the arm that wrapped around to my front from behind.

Sebastian had surfaced from within the mass, and he was quick to pull me back into the center of the clash of bodies that surged and swayed on the dance floor, an agitated crush that rolled with the beat.

Sebastian’s movements were completely at odds with the frenzy, each action purposed, steady and strong as he slowly turned me in his arms.

“Dance with me,” he whispered so close to my ear I could hear him above the clamor.

And it was so sweet, the constant contradiction to all his hard and brash and scarred. This beautiful, torrid man proceeded to secure me in the strength of his arms. His heart beat hard, a boom, boom, boom supplied by his own unrest.

Completely enfolded in him, I pressed my face into his collarbone. Breathed him in. Desperately, my fingers fisted in his shirt. “Tell me what’s happening.”

The resigned breath he released filtered across the top of my head, stirring my hair. He drew me closer. “They want us back in California on Thursday.”

Sorrow flamed from the pit of my stomach, licking up to touch me everywhere.

I clung to him tighter, my arms bound between us, fists in his shirt, powerful arms hugging and hugging and hugging.

I couldn’t breathe.

Sebastian spoke at the top of my head, the words vibrating my bones, unheard yet understood. “Kenny pled down the assault charges.”

Relief blasted through every cell of my body.

“No jail time,” Sebastian explained. “Community service and a fucking fortune in fines, but that’s it. I have to appear in front of a judge to finalize it all, but the criminal shit is done. Martin can still come after me with the civil suit, but he’s not taking me from you.”

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