Down and Out

Stop thinking about it. Just go to sleep.
I sigh and throw my arm over my eyes, blocking out the shadows in the dark living room, but it’s useless. I’m hard as a rock. Have been for the past hour.
All I can think about is Savannah and that goddamn vibrator. What it looks like. What she looks like when she’s using it.
I groan and pull the sheet over my face, willing my boner to just go away. I reallllly don’t want to have to jerk off, because that seems like it’d be crossing a line. Savannah’s my employee. My homeless employee. Jerking off to her would be . . . kind of icky on my part, right?
After another five restless minutes, I mutter, “F*ck it,” and throw the sheet off me. I’m a dude. I’m supposed to be icky. Besides, what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Climbing off the couch, I walk to the bathroom, my cock leading the way like a damn compass.
I shut the door behind me and turn on the lights, squinting at the glaring brightness. My eyes finally adjust and I start rifling through the cabinet under the sink for some lotion.
I think I have some in here somewhere. . .
Jerkin’ my own gherkin is not something I do often, but when I do, it’s always in the shower. Clean up is so much easier that way, but I don’t feel like taking a shower for the sole purpose of busting a nut right now.
“Bingo.” I finally find an old bottle of Jergens and squirt a liberal amount into my palm, then pull my boxers down under my balls and slide my lathered hand along my shaft.
Shit, it’s cold.
It warms up after a couple pumps, and pretty soon the silky, gliding pressure has my heart racing and my free hand clutching the counter to steady myself.
My mind wanders to Savannah. She’s so unlike any other girl I’ve ever met. She’s got the face of an angel, but Jesus Christ, the mouth on that chick. I had no idea she was such a firecracker. She kept me on my toes the whole conversation and I loved every second of it.
I imagine what it’d be like to kiss those perfect, pouty lips and tangle my fingers in that long, wavy hair while I slide deep inside her. Or what she’d look like with her vibrator between her legs, her mouth parted in ecstasy as she works to get herself off. It’s got my hand pumping faster and my breath leaving me in hurried puffs as I feel the familiar tension settle into my muscles. My balls tighten. I’m so close—
“Oh my god!” Savannah’s surprised, horrified gasp rips me out of my high and turns my blood to ice as I freeze mid-pump and meet her wide eyes.
F*ck me, this cannot be happening.
I yank my boxers back up as she turns and smacks her face on the open door. She cups her nose in her hands as I wince and rush over to her.
“Are you okay?”
She squeals and thrashes out of my grip as blood drips from her nose. “Don’t touch me after that! Are you crazy?”
Dear God, kill me now.
I grab the hand towel hanging off the rack and hand it to her, ushering her out of the bathroom and into the living room. “Sit down, I’m gonna get you some ice.”
This cannot be happening to me. I’ve got to be dreaming. No way did Savannah just walk in on me while I was jacking off. And to her, no less! The world’s not that cruel, right? This has got to be some kind of nightmare, and I’m going to wake up at any second.
I pinch my arm, and nothing.
Fuuuuuuuuck.
Disappearing into the kitchen, I wash my hands first, then after I’m done, I stuff some ice into a plastic baggie. When I return to the living room, she’s got her head tilted back with the towel covering her nose, and I hold out the ice. She looks at it skeptically as I sit next to her and sigh. “I washed my hands, okay?”
She takes it from me and switches the towel for it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were in there and that you were . . . busy,” she says, glancing at the crotch of my boxer briefs.
I pull the sheet I was using over my lap and hang my head. At least I’m not hard anymore, but still. I want to die. And the case of blue balls I feel brewing is going to be epic. “It’s your fault,” I mutter. “All that vibrator talk got to me.”
“Oh my god, you were thinking about me?”
My head whips over at her disgusted tone. It’s only when I realize she’s trying not to laugh that my heart decides to restart itself.
She’s messing with me?
Thank God.
I place my hand over the erratic rhythm, like that can steady it. “That’s not funny.”
“I beg to differ.” She’s grinning at me as her head rests on the back of the couch. “That was hilarious. Even with all this,” she says, gesturing to the baggie full of ice pressed to her nose.
“Here, let me see.” I lean forward and take the bag from her, setting it on the coffee table. Placing my fingers on her chin, I tilt her head from side to side. It doesn’t look broken. The skin’s all red, but part of that might be from the ice, and the bleeding’s stopped. Exhaling, I release her chin and grab the ice for her again. “It might bruise, but I think you’ll live.”
Dropping her eyes, she fiddles with the bag. “I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
I wince and hold up my hands to stop her. “Can we please stop talking about it? I want to die enough as it is.”
“Fair enough,” she says, leaning her head back to place the ice pack on her nose.
She’s watching me, that grin still skirting around her mouth, and I shake my head at the impossibly ridiculous turn of this evening’s events. I should be asleep in my own bed, not sitting on my couch, discussing my masturbatory habits with my female employee. My sassy female employee, who ignited said masturbatory episode.
I lean my head back against the couch like she’s doing. “You’re not at all like I thought you’d be.”
Her brow arches. “Oh, yeah? How’d you think I’d be?”
“Nice. Sweet. Quiet.”
“Ouch,” she says, though she’s amused.
“No, it’s a good thing.”
She does this cute scoff/laugh and takes the ice pack off her face. “You’ve basically just told me I’m mean and loud. How is that possibly a good thing?”
I shrug. “It’s refreshing. Most girls I meet are very . . . agreeable, and from what I’ve seen, you’re not like that.” I laugh and say, “If I told you the sky’s blue, you’d probably argue that it’s not.”
“Well, you’re right. It’s the middle of the night. The sky’s black right now.”
“See? Very disagreeable. I like that.” I shouldn’t, though. A girl like Savannah would take work. She’d take time and effort, and when it comes to chicks, that’s not how I roll.
It might make me sound like a jackass, but my way is the path of least resistance. I don’t have the patience or inclination to chase after a girl, not when there are so many others willing to take her place.
But for some reason, Savannah’s resistance is fun. Entertaining, even.
“You’re not how I thought you’d be either.”
This I gotta hear. “How’d you think I’d be?”
She shrugs and wraps the hand towel around the perspiring baggie. “Serious. Maybe even a little moody.”
At my frown, she says, “That, right there. You’ve had that look on your face all day today.” Her voice lowers, like she’s regretting saying anything in the first place. “If you’re not careful, your eyebrows are gonna get stuck like that.”
My frown deepens. “Sorry. This is the face I make when I’m concentrating.”
“What have you been concentrating so hard on?”
You. “Nothing good,” I say on a long sigh.
Savannah puffs out her cheeks as she exhales, then winces and gingerly touches the bridge of her nose. Placing the ice back to her face, she says, “I wasn’t expecting you to provide dinner and a show tonight, so thanks for that.”
My lips purse, trying to contain my smile, but eventually it breaks free.
I wasn’t expecting you to be so funny, so thanks for that.
After a beat of silence, her hand falls away from her face. She bites her lip and wipes away a droplet of water that fell from the bag onto her thigh, lowering her voice to say, “Seriously, thank you. For everything.”
My brows pull taut as I clear my throat. “Don’t worry about it.”
Things begin to turn awkward as the seconds pass, and pretty soon she’s standing and mumbling something about going back to bed. I try not to stare at the patch of pale skin peeking out between her cotton shorts and tank top, but it’s hard since it’s eye-level.
“Goodnight, Declan.”
Even the way she says my name has an effect on me. It sends my pulse racing as my heart flops around like a fish out of water. Since when the hell does that body part respond to chicks?
I force my eyes up to her face, seeing her smirk down at me. Damn it, she must’ve caught me staring.
Frowning in resignation, I wave once and watch her leave, sighing at the sight of her ass in those tight shorts. When she’s tucked away in my room, I grab my pillow and groan into it, left to deal with this nasty case of blue balls.
I’m f*cked when it comes to this girl. So f*cked.