I shook my head in denial. “I’m not even a citizen of Doon. You said I shouldn’t concern—”
His hands tightened painfully on my arms, cutting off my words. “I meant that the rules were my burden to bear. I dinna say they wouldn’t apply to you. If you’ve accepted Doon as yer home in your heart, yer a citizen.”
“You’re hurting me.” I shrugged my shoulders and his hands dropped instantly.
He turned and began to pace, his every move punctuated by frustration. When he finally spoke, his words were as curt as his movements. “What did ye think caused the blizzard?” He took a step closer, his hands clenched into fists. “And the bear attack?”
I stepped back and stumbled over my own feet. Grabbing the sofa to steady myself, my stomach did a nauseating flip. He couldn’t be saying what I thought he was saying—that I’d almost fulfilled his dreams by destroying Doon and everyone in it.
He advanced on me, his every move feral. I scrambled backward, shaking my head in denial of the awful truth.
“It was the kingdom, the enchantment trying to stop ye from reaching the border—and obliterating us all.”
My knees gave out and I landed hard on the stone hearth. How could I have been so colossally stupid? I buried my head in my hands so Jamie couldn’t see my shame.
He grabbed my shoulders again and pulled me to my feet. I kept my arms locked, my hands on my face. Should I tell him about Addie and the journal? Show him proof of why I was trying to leave before the Centennial? Some deeply seeded instinct warned me against it. Without knowing how the witch’s dark magic worked through the book, I might be putting Jamie in more danger.
“Verranica, look at me,” Jamie barked.
Slowly, I lowered my hands and he released my arms.
“Tell me ye didna know,” he demanded. His eyes bore into me, searching. “Tell me ye didna think leaving would destroy the kingdom!”
“Jamie, I promise. I didn’t know. I didn’t understand,” I implored. “I was trying to protect you—by leaving.”
Unable to face his condemnation, I tore my eyes away and focused on his chest. He thought I was in league with the witch and deliberately trying to destroy Doon and everyone he loved along with it. “No wonder you hate me.”
A heated silence crackled between us. Had I spoken that last part aloud? It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. All I wanted to do was get away from him, but there was nowhere for me to go.
“Hate you? Is that what ye think?” he spoke in a hushed tone. His silence stretched on until I raised my eyes to his.
His body was wound so tight he looked like he might snap into pieces. When he spoke, his voice was deep and raw. “Do you have any idea what it was like when you walked into that throne room—my every dream and fantasy come to life?”
That, I could understand. Afraid to breathe, I nodded my head, remembering that first day I saw him at the tournament; the sensation of all the blood draining from my body and my knees going weak.
“But all the while knowing you were the embodiment of my every fear?” He stepped back, raking a shaky hand through his hair. “Like seeing what ye want most in the world on the other side of an impossibly deep chasm, knowing you can never touch her or hold her …”
His eyes churned like dark waves in a storm. “Being near you is like being on a torture rack—my duty pulling me away from what my heart and body crave.”
My stomach fluttered at his words, but questions tumbled through my mind, tangling my thoughts into knots. “But, if you believed the nightmares … why didn’t you just make me leave as soon as I got here?”
“My da thought I’d misinterpreted them, missed some vital part that exonerated you … and I longed to believe him. But with my father so weak, the kingdom was at its most vulnerable. I couldna afford to think with my heart.” He reached toward me, but stopped then lowered his hand and shoved it into his pocket. “Do you know before you came to Doon, I considered coming after you?”