NINE
Over the past ten years, Callie had sometimes wondered if she’d been fooling herself about her life. Today Callie had determined with absolutely certainty that her mistake all those years ago had been both the worst and the best turning point of her life.
If she hadn’t blown that scholarship she’d probably be working for someone else right now, because that would have been the safer, easier route to take. But when her choices had been limited to only one—that one choice being whatever she could build herself from the ground up—she’d set about and done just that.
With the most important event in the history of Callie’s business currently taking place right before her eyes.
The day of the Paulson-Smith wedding began just as beautifully as the day before. The grassy field was dotted with white tents that flapped in the cool breeze, providing a sharp contrast against the crystal-blue sky. A crowd of guests dressed in their best medieval fair, maidens and princesses and knights stood next to wizards and trolls. Penny’s silver silk gown shimmered around her slender figure and made her look like an elegant elf.
Gorgeous.
The crowd had grown from online gaming friends to several hundred interested well-wishers. From the three news cameras mixed in with the crowd, clearly the publicity would be bigger than even Colin had guessed. With her ex, along with Penny and Tommy, set to be interviewed during the reception, the day clearly promised to be a boon for Callie’s business.
So how come all she could focus on was Matt?
With about eight other things she should be checking on, Callie shaded her eyes from the sun, grinning as a chain-mail-wearing Matt walked Penny down a makeshift aisle composed of friends dressed as knights, swords drawn and creating an arch over a red carpet leading to the front of a gorgeous canopy. The sight created a happy thrum in Callie’s veins. Publicity aside, the scene was the single most satisfying event in her life to date.
But Matt wearing chain mail would never cease to be Callie’s favorite part. And while he protested that he was no one’s knight in shining armor, she begged to differ. The smile on the bride’s face, and the almost embarrassed look on Matt’s, brought about a pressure in Callie’s chest.
An emotion she couldn’t name.
Feeling like a sappy fool, Callie grinned as she discreetly wiped the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. Tommy looked happy. Penny positively beamed. And Matt, the man who played the largest role in ensuring this ceremony happened, looked adorably embarrassed and charmingly put out. He’d stuck by his brother and refused to give up when things got tough. And, no matter how silly Matt thought the whole affair, he’d thrown himself into making sure today took place just how Tommy and Penny wanted.
A buzzing started in her chest, creating a warmth that had nothing to do with the sun or the crowd pressing in around her.
Standing on the other side of the makeshift aisle, Colin discreetly waved at Callie and then pointed at his watch. They’d caught up earlier and planned on running through the best way to handle the news interviews set to take place after the ceremony. Which she was about twenty minutes late for.
She knew she should slip away and meet up as planned, but she couldn’t force her feet to move. Callie blinked and glanced back up the aisle, unable to shift her gaze from Matt as he leaned in for Penny’s kiss. Or when he stepped forward to stand by Tommy.
The buzzing grew stronger. Callie pressed her hand to her chest as the pressure became a physical ache, the realization washing over her with all the gentleness of a tidal wave.
She loved him.
The terrifying and wonderful and life-altering realization kept her rooted in place. Even as Colin managed to unobtrusively weave his way through the crowd of people craning to watch the small three-person bridal party make their way beneath the white awning covering the wooden platform—a last-minute addition ensuring the larger than expected crowd could see the ceremony.
But all Callie wanted to watch was Matt, in his chain mail and leggings and boots and the sword hanging at his side. A small grin on his face as he watched Tommy take Penny’s hand and step in front of the officiant dressed as, of all things, a wizard.
And falling for the man who lived a thousand miles away felt significantly more terrifying than failing at this publicity event.
Jeez, what had she done?
A hand lightly gripped her elbow, but she didn’t budge as Colin whispered in her ear.
“We were supposed to meet twenty minutes ago,” he said.
“I know.”
Still, she didn’t move. No matter how many times she told her feet to start walking.
“What’s the matter?” Colin leaned forward, his gaze landing on her face. “Good God, Callie. What’s gotten into you?”
She stared up at Colin, her mind still stuck on her personal epiphany. And then she felt a drop of water hit her cheek. Concerned, Callie glanced up at the sky. Still no clouds. She touched her face and finally realized she was still crying.
Despite her ridiculously romantic ideals, she’d never cried at a wedding before. Of course, realizing she’d fallen hard for the brother of the groom was a first, too.
Concern clouded Colin’s voice. “Are you okay?”
Callie didn’t respond, simply watched Tommy and Penny begin to repeat their vows. And the signal that the ceremony was quickly coming to a close provided the impetus to move. With one last lingering look at Matt on stage, hands clasped behind his back, eyes fixed on his little brother, Callie turned and followed Colin silently through the throng of people to a quiet spot well away from the crowd and the ceremony.
Colin still looked at her as if she were about to go off the deep end. “Callie, are you sick?”
“No.” She shook her head, hoping the motion would clear her spinning brain.
No such luck.
Colin crossed his arms, a skeptical look creeping up his face. “I know you love weddings. But this is kind of over the top, even for you.”
She wiped her cheek again and found her cheek just as wet as before. Good grief, she felt as if she’d sprung a leak.
“So what’s wrong?” Colin asked.
She stared up at her ex, a million responses flitting through her brain before the only one that fit came out.
“I love him.”
Colin suddenly looked as though he’d prefer to be identified as the evil Zhorg and taken into custody by the crowd to be hanged by the neck until dead. And then drawn and quartered. Followed by a massive festival as the townsfolk danced while he burned, his body cremated just to be sure the deed was done.
Her ex’s eyes shifted from Callie’s face to the focus of her gaze, the small party standing on stage, and then back to Callie again.
Worry laced his tone. “I hope you’re talking about Matt and not Tommy.”
Forcing back the bubble of hysterical laughter, mostly triggered by panic, Callie rolled her eyes. “Of course I’m talking about Matt.”
“Good.” Colin winced. “Because falling for a man who just walked down the aisle probably wouldn’t end well.”
A surge of fear hit. “Matt lives in Manford, Michigan. A thousand miles away.”
“I’m sure y’all can work something out.”
She wished she felt so optimistic. And why hadn’t she concerned herself with this detail before? Suddenly pulling off a fabulous event without losing her focus seemed a terribly stupid reason for avoiding a relationship with Matt. But this? Falling in love with a man who lived so far away? One who clearly felt responsible for his brother?
She’d only just begun to realize how complicated their relationship was.
Callie had ten years—and most of her identity—invested in Fantasy Weddings. Her business wasn’t portable. She couldn’t just pick up and start over again. And she loved New Orleans. Her family was here. Her friends were here.
The tension in Callie’s stomach expanded.
“Hey.” Colin laid his hand on Callie’s shoulder. “Now’s not the time to fall apart, okay?”
The concern in his face only highlighted how truly screwed she was. She wiped her cheeks and forced herself back to the matter at hand. “Of course not. I can handle this.” She tried for a confidence-inspiring smile, hoping it didn’t feel as weak as it felt. “Let’s go talk to the news crew and figure out the best place for the interviews.”
Right.
Interviews.
Medieval wedding reception.
Dungeons of Zhorg.
Callie turned her back on the end of the ceremony—and the view of Matt standing on stage—and followed Colin in the direction of the news crews. Focusing on getting through the rest of the day appeared to be her only option.
* * *
The sun was setting as Callie forced herself to focus on the staff taking down the tents. When Matt came up beside her, she gave strict instructions to her heart to calm down. Much to her distress, her instructions went ignored when he slipped an arm around her waist.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Absolutely.”
Her smile felt forced, and Callie knew Matt suspected something, but she concentrated on remaining calm so she could finish her job. During the reception, Tommy and Penny’s brief interview had come out really cute, mostly because they were both so ridiculously happy. Callie had no doubt their two minutes of fame would be well received by viewers. As the maker of the video game, Colin’s interview was less emotional. But Colin was more than just a geeky gamer. He excelled as the marketing guru, as well. His smooth, well-polished blurb mentioning Fantasy Weddings and the Dungeons of Zhorg sounded casual and didn’t come across rehearsed at all.
“How much longer before I can get you alone again?” Matt murmured, a crooked smile on his face.
She discreetly fished her small pocket watch from the bodice of her princess dress, her favorite costume to date. The overdress of robin’s-egg-blue split in front, forming an inverted V to showcase the design of the white satin and gold brocade pattern beneath.
And, despite the fear now curled around her spine and setting up house, she had to laugh at the expression on Matt’s face.
“I was thinking I’d like to get you out of that dress and see how you’d look in chain mail.” His sex-filled smile started a thrumming vibration in her belly and spread outward. “With nothing underneath. So...” he said.
He leaned in close, sending a spike in her pulse, heat between her legs and anxiety twisting in her stomach.
“How long?” he finished.
“My assistant volunteered to oversee the cleanup,” she said. “And I already spoke to the vendor who supplied the table and chairs, so I’m free to go.”
Free to go.
Free to go where? Back to her place with Matt and have sex? Or free to go back to her regularly scheduled life, the one without Matt in it?
“Perfect,” Matt said, steering her in the direction of the parking lot.
Swallowing hard, she glanced down at her dress and smoothed a hand down her skirt. “How did your week at Manford Memorial go?”
“As uneventful as ever,” Matt replied.
She pounced on the one thing she knew for sure. Matt held no deep abiding affection for his job or his hometown. Surely that meant he’d be willing to move? No matter how much she loved him, she simply couldn’t afford to start all over again.
Desperate for something to do with her hands beside reach for Matt, she picked up her skirt as she walked. “Have you ever thought about living somewhere other than Manford?”
Matt shot her a guarded look, the expression doing little to ease her nerves. So she hurried on before she lost her courage completely.
“You know, find a new job?” she said.
“Why should I?” His steps slowed a little, making it easier to match his stride. But his tone was wary. “It’s home.”
Her feet fumbled, and Matt reached out briefly to steady her. Jeez, his hand on her arm wasn’t helping to calm her down. But she couldn’t just take him home to her bed without finding out more.
Callie opened her mouth to speak but failed at making a sound. She swallowed hard, forcing her mouth to cooperate. “But have you ever considered taking a part-time job somewhere else?” She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Moving your home base?”
Matt kept his eyes firmly ahead. “Like where?”
The loaded question felt like a shotgun aimed at her heart. Was he avoiding her gaze because he wasn’t sure of the direction of the conversation? Or did he know and simply wanted to avoid the topic altogether? One thing she knew for sure, she’d never know unless she asked. And sleeping with Matt now that she’d figured out she loved him would make letting him go harder in the end.
“Like here,” she said. “In New Orleans.”
Several seconds passed with only the sound of the gravel beneath their shoes, and Callie felt every crunch like a kick to the chest.
“I could certainly look into doing recurrent shifts as a traveling doc in their E.R.,” he said.
Not exactly the answer she wanted to hear. But the response felt encouraging.
“How often could you get down this way?” she asked.
“I could pull off six, maybe seven days a month.”
Six days a month? And he’d be working busy shifts. What kind of life would that be for the two of them?
Callie came to a stop and stared up at him. “That’s not much time.”
A small breeze kicked up, and the setting sun finally sank beneath the tops of the oak trees, casting a shadow across them both.
“Callie.” With a sigh, Matt turned to face her, and she could see the conflict in his expression. “I can’t leave Manford.”
The words sliced through her like a sharp blade through whipped cream cheese.
“Why not?” she asked.
Matt looked out across the parking lot. Several seconds ticked by. Callie expected him to come up with something noteworthy, given the amount of time he spent formulating his response. But when the words came they were incredibly disappointing in their simplicity.
“It’s my home,” he said.
Callie slowly inhaled, searching for strength, before blowing out her breath in one long exhale.
“People move all the time, Matt,” she said. “And it’s not as if you love your job there.” She waited for him to look at her again. When he kept his eyes on the park, the trees fading as dusk claimed the rest of the landscape, she went on, “I know you don’t. So don’t even try to pretend that you do.”
“I never said I did.”
She stepped closer. “So move down here.” Callie longed to get some sort of a response from the man. When nothing was forthcoming, she tried again. “Make New Orleans your home base. Tommy’s married now, Matt. He’s moving on with his life.”
Callie died a million deaths waiting for him to respond.
“I know,” he said.
Did he? Tommy seemed to be moving on with his life. But not Matt.
“Are you planning on going on the honeymoon with them?” she asked dryly.
“Jesus, of course not.”
Fear and frustration made her words harder than she’d intended. “Then why not move?”
Matt strode several feet away before stopping, his back to her. He shoved his hands into his hair, leaving sandy tufts sticking up. When he finally turned to face her again, the look on his face was one she’d never seen before.
“The last time I left Tommy for too long I came home and found him unconscious on the couch.” He stared off in the distance, and she knew by the look on his face he was seeing now what he’d seen back then. “He’d gone through rehab number four and had been doing well for months. But I knew right away he wasn’t just sleeping. Everything was off. The room felt wrong. Tommy looked wrong. Damn, the very air in the room felt wrong. I couldn’t wake up him up. And—”
His voice grew so hoarse it died out, and Callie reached out to gently wrap her fingers around his wrist, the look on his face heartbreaking.
“For two seconds I couldn’t find a pulse,” he said.
A chill swept up her spine and traveled out her limbs. Goose bumps pricked her arms, the hair at the back of her neck standing on end. Matt’s words came out rushed.
“And suddenly all the tough love you’ve come to accept as necessary just doesn’t matter anymore,” he said.
“He’s been clean for two years, Matt,” she said softly.
“Which is why I started taking the occasional locums jobs in Miami and Los Angeles. But I can’t be gone that long.”
“I’m in love with you.”
The stunned look on Matt’s face would have been funny if she hadn’t been hurting so much. She hadn’t meant to say the words yet. And she certainly hadn’t meant for them to come out the way they did. So plain. With no lead-in. Nothing, no sign from her to prepare Matt for what would follow. But maybe the simple statement would knock some sense into the man.
Callie stared at Matt, her mind spinning as she tried to make sense of the words. At first she thought his resistance simply meant he didn’t feel as much for her as she felt for him. But the look on Matt’s face now told her the truth. He did care about her. No telling how much, but enough that he clearly didn’t want to leave. But he just couldn’t let his worries about Tommy go.
Matt had suffered so much through the years, and his fear for Tommy was deeply entrenched. There’d be no reaching the man with easy words. She was going to have to be brutally, brutally honest with him to get him to see reason. He loved his brother too much, had suffered too much to let the issue go easily.
And, as hard as it was going to be, she had to fight. She deserved a chance at happiness. And Matt deserved so much more than he had in his current life.
She steeled herself against the pain she knew was sure to follow. “So that’s what this is about.”
Matt’s expression grew guarded. When he said nothing, she went on, no matter how much it hurt him in turn. Matt couldn’t be allowed to continue to sacrifice himself, not when her bluntly harsh words had a chance of getting him to see how much more he deserved out of life. “What is with you and this martyr complex?” she said.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do,” she said softly.
“Look, is this really necessary? I’d hoped to enjoy the rest of my time in New Orleans with you.”
Anger flared, pushing the tender feelings to the back of the line. “And that will be...what? Two, maybe three days?” She forced herself to maintain his gaze. Heart thumping, she tried to keep the bitterness at bay, but his unwillingness to even consider a change hurt like hell. “I understand you want to stick around and be there for Tommy if he needs you. And I suppose you have to do what you think is right. But I can’t do this anymore.”
“Do what?”
“Love you. Settle for a few days here and there. I’ve put my life on hold and now that I’ve rediscovered how much life there is to live outside of work, I don’t want to settle anymore.”
Matt stared off into the shadows growing along the trees lining the park. A muscle in his jaw ticked, and, for the second time that day, Callie fought the tears of frustration and anger and pain that were gathering at the corners of her lids. He didn’t look torn, signaling she at least had some room to convince him to change his mind. He looked resigned.
And that hurt worst of all.
“You’re right,” he said. “You shouldn’t have to settle for whatever time I get to snatch here and there. You deserve a full-time relationship, not a part-time one. You also deserve better than to continue to endure your mother’s insinuation that you’ve settled for less with your job. Maybe you should tell her exactly how you feel instead of letting your guilt keep you silent.”
Matt unlocked her car and opened the door for her. Muscles tight, head aching, heart hurting, she gathered up her dress and slid into the driver’s seat, fabric billowing around her legs. She gripped the steering wheel and willed herself to calm the heck down so she could at least say goodbye without sounding like a total wreck.
Hand on the roof her car, Matt leaned in to press his lips to hers.
“Goodbye, Callie. Thanks for making Tommy and Penny’s day special.”
Matt straightened up and stared down at her for three more heartbeats. And then he turned and headed across the parking lot.