The next morning I woke up and was hit immediately with the previous nights events. The memory of Casey’s sneer and shocking announcement made sure I wasn’t going back to sleep anytime soon. I let out a sigh as I rolled over, smiling when I saw Ethan sleeping beside me. He was shirtless and on his back, his chest rising and falling with each breath. I reached out and ran my hand down it, reveling in the fact he was mine. I couldn’t help but chastise myself yet again for taking so long to see it. As I lay there, I was greeted with the memory of Paul’s face when he begged me to not let Casey change anything. How he could think her pregnancy wouldn’t change anything was beyond me, but I realized he was grasping at straws.
Ethan woke up and took me in his arms. I felt his hardness pressing on my leg and I smiled. “Good morning,” I said, laughing.
He flipped me on my back and got on top of me. “Oh, you think that’s funny huh?” he asked as he lowered his mouth to my breast. I gasped when he took my nipple into his mouth and started swirling his tongue around the peak. After a minute, he looked up at me with a grin. “Are you going to answer my question?”
I looked at him in a daze. What question?
He burst out laughing. “Glad to see I have that affect on you.”
I lightly smacked his arm, then brought his mouth back down to my breast. He groaned and happily gave me what I wanted. I doubted I’d ever stop wanting him to do that.
After we made love, Ethan told me he had to go meet his parents for brunch. They were leaving on an African safari the next day and wanted to see him before they left. I frowned yet again when he came out of my bathroom dressed and ready to leave.
“No frowns, babe. You know I’ll be back as soon as I’m done. We have the whole rest of the weekend ahead of us. I plan on keeping you in this apartment the whole time.”
I smiled at that. “Oh you do, huh?”
He bent down and kissed my nose. “Yes, I do. I love you. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
I watched him walk out of my room and a second later heard my front door close. I stretched on my bed, loving the way my muscles were so relaxed. I knew who was responsible for that and I couldn’t wait for him to come back.
After eating breakfast and taking a shower, I put on some jeans and a t-shirt and decided to forgo make up. Since Ethan had told me he planned on keeping me in my apartment all weekend, I didn’t see the need to glam myself up. Just the thought of what he’d do to me when he got back made me shiver in anticipation.
With nothing much to do, thoughts of Paul and leaving my job popped in my head. I was heartbroken to be leaving Pierce Homes, especially after we’d just secured Mr. Halliday, but I knew I had no other choice. Too much had happened to be able to work things out. I was done.
The knock at the door startled me and I jumped. I knew it wasn’t Ethan and the dread I felt told me who it was. I wasn’t surprised he’d come over, but I also didn’t want to face him at the moment. I walked to the door and my suspicion was confirmed when I saw Paul outside the peephole. He looked terrible. I took a deep breath and opened the door.
He looked at me, his eyes heavy, his expression serious. He ran a hand through his hair. “Hey,” he said, “Sorry I didn’t call, but I had to see you.”
I opened the door wider to let him in, not surprised he was here. He came in and stood by the couch. I shut the door and turned to face him. My palms started sweating, so I wiped them on my jeans. I felt cold inside, knowing what I had to do.
“It’s okay,” I told him. “How are you?”
“I’ve already lost you, haven’t I?” he asked, ignoring my question.
He shoved his hands in his jeans pockets, waiting for my answer. I shoved off of the door and went to the couch to sit down. He turned to face me, staying where he was.
“Paul, listen,” I started, but he interrupted me.
“Dammit!” he yelled, shoving his hands through his hair. I sat there nervous, not daring to say anything else. He started pacing back and forth, his hands now behind his neck. He stopped and looked at me.
“I could feel it, I could feel you slipping away from me. I knew I’d lost you as soon as Casey spoke. I knew it.” He walked over to me, dropping on his knee. He raised his hand to my face, brushing my cheek with the backs of his fingers. “Aly, please, listen to me. Nothing has changed. My feelings for you are just as strong, stronger. If she’s telling the truth and it is my baby, I’ll take care of the child, but I will not marry her. I cannot be with somebody I don’t love.”
I knew he meant what he just said, but it didn’t matter any more. I had to let him go. It killed me more than I realized to have to do this, but the memory of what he did, and how it had created a child, gave me the courage I needed. When I reached out and brushed a chocolate strand away from his face, he closed his eyes at my touch, putting his hand over mine. He turned it over and kissed my palm. His eyes looked at me with love and fear. I hated that I was going to hurt him.
“I’m so sorry but I can’t be with you, for so many reasons. I can’t be in the way of a child’s future, Paul. I can’t.” He started shaking his head, but I placed my finger on his lips, stopping him. “If we’re honest with each other, everything changed when you had sex with her in your office. There’s no way to recover from that, at least not for me, and I see that now. And the fact that it created a child...there is no way I can be involved in that. Everything has always been stacked against us, Paul. It’s never been easy and I can’t live like that anymore. I can’t always be wondering what is going to happen next to break us apart.”
“You don’t understand, it won’t. I won’t let it. Casey can’t ever come between us if we don’t let her, Aly. Don’t do this.”
I started crying. A part of me couldn’t believe I was doing this myself. I had spent years loving him, wanting him, and now that I could have him, it was too late. I knew we weren’t meant to be. I knew whom I was meant to be with and while I was so happy, this hurt me terribly.
“You don’t understand...it’s too late. There is no way I can be a part of things right now, when you still need to figure out what you’re going to do with her. You’re going to have to have tests and see if the baby really is yours. You need to focus on that, Paul. And knowing that the baby was conceived while I was hiding in that closet is too much. I thought I was moving past it, but I’m not. I need to walk away, Paul, walk away from you.”
He pressed his hands to his eyes, shaking his head. “No no no,” he kept saying over and over. I resisted the urge to comfort him, to tell him it would be okay. That wasn’t my place anymore. When I thought about it, was it ever?
He lifted his head to look at me, pain slashed across his face. “I can’t believe this is happening. I felt it all night. I couldn’t sleep. The thought of losing you is killing me. I’m broken.” He looked at me with the saddest eyes I’d ever seen. “Having sex with Casey right after having you is something I will never forgive myself for. I’ve punished myself over and over and over for it. I will never understand why I did it, Aly, but losing you is something more painful than anything I’ve ever experienced before.”
The tears finally broke and I was then the one to put my face in my hands. A part of me still loved him and if things were different I’d be the first to jump in his arms and have him whisk me away to happily ever after. But that would never happen. I no longer wanted it to happen.
I felt his fingers lightly brush my hair away then they were gone. I saw him stand up from the corner of my eye and I looked up at him. His face had become stone, all emotion wiped away. The change in him that quickly surprised me and made me nervous.
“Just tell me one thing, Aly. Are you with Baker now?”
My silence was all he needed. He swore under his breath. “Did I really ever have a chance?”
I stood and walked over to him. “Yes, Paul, you did until you did her in your office. That sealed us. It’s obvious now we were never meant to be. I’m so sorry. I will always have a place for you in my heart and a part of me will always love you, but I love Ethan and we are together now. I’m so sorry.”
He sighed. “I don’t know what to say,” he told me, rocking back on his heels. I stood there, my heart breaking into a million tiny pieces at hurting this man, this man who had been everything to me for so long. I knew I had to tell him one more thing, shutting the door on this chapter of my life for good.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to work together anymore. It’s too much for both of us. I am resigning effective immediately. The thought of not being there to finish what we’ve started kills me inside, but you know as well as I do that we can no longer work side by side after this. It’s for the best, Paul. I’m sorry.”
He just stood there, taking in what I said. His eyes flashed hurt for a brief second, then the stone set back in. He nodded his head. “I agree, it is for the best, Ms. Chase. I accept your resignation. Please come in first thing Monday morning and gather your belongings. I will find your replacement on my own, no need for your help. I’m sorry things have to be this way, but remember that this is your choice, not mine.”
He turned and walked to the door and I started to cry once again. He opened the door then turned back to look at me. “We could have been good, Aly. You know that’s true. I hope you have a happy life.” He shut the door behind him and walked out of my life, forever.
A distorted wail erupted in my chest as I slid down to the floor, my fist in my mouth. As I lay on the floor, crying harder than I ever have in my life, I knew that regardless of how painful this felt, I had done the right thing. I just wish the right thing didn’t hurt so much.