Chapter EighteenPast
Caleb came back to me. I knew he would. Not because we had something irreplaceable, but because I was true blue. I fought for what I wanted, and I drove his past out of town. She wouldn’t come back. I was fairly certain of this. She was too much of a coward. I knew on some level, when I found those letters and pictures, that she had deep feelings for him. A woman didn’t keep a box of mementos unless the flame was still burning strong. I used that to my advantage. I played on her guilt, and thank God, she responded. If she had fought harder, something told me I would have lost.
He retreated into himself after she left. I had to watch his heart break … silently. It was awful. I was so jealous I could barely breathe. He didn’t tell me what happened between them, and why would he? He was confused. I had no choice but to wait. It ground at me; the fact that he had obviously cared very much for her before the amnesia, so much so that the feelings were all there, even though his memory was not. It would have made for an interesting psychological study had it not been so incredibly f*cked up. He stared off into space a lot after I put an end to their little romance. I could have stood right in front of him during those days, and he wouldn’t have seen me. I wondered what he would say when his memory came back. Would he tell me that she was a girl from his past, or would he pretend it never happened?
And then his memory did come back. It happened suddenly, on a Tuesday in April. I was at work when he called to tell me.
“Oh my God,” I said, standing up. I was having lunch with a colleague in the break room, but I wanted to go to him right away.
“How do you feel?” I asked, cautiously. I stepped into the hall for privacy. Would he mention Olivia? Was he angry?
“I’m fine,” he paused. “Relieved that it’s over.”
“We should celebrate. As soon as I’m done with work, I can meet you.”
He hesitated. “Sure, Leah. There's a lot I want to talk to you about.”
My heart fluttered. What did that mean? Now that he remembered who I was, maybe he wanted to move forward with me. I pushed the thought away. No use getting my hopes up for nothing.
“Okay, I’ll see you after work. And Caleb…” I held my breath. “I love you.”
There was a brief pause, during which my heart went to battle with my stomach for who felt sicker.
“I love you too, Leah.” He ended the call. I slouched against the wall.
He remembered that he loved me. I’d been waiting to hear those words for months. I started crying, and then I called Katine and Courtney. Katine was ecstatic, Courtney, not so much.
“So he just remembered everything … out of the blue?” my sister said after I told her.
“Yes, that’s how it works.”
“I guess I’m just finding it hard to believe that you can forget your girlfriend for months and then, bam! All of a sudden, it all comes back.”
“Can you just be happy for me?” I snapped. “We can finally move forward in our relationship.”
“What if he doesn’t want to move forward,” she said. My heart plummeted. He had said he wanted to talk to me. Weren’t those infamous breakup words?
“Courtney,” I hissed, “you’re really pissing me off.”
“I’m just trying to look out for you. The guy was having a relationship with another woman for goodness sake. Wake up, Leah. He’s not as perfect as you think he is.”
I hung up on her. Courtney was bitter. She’d recently broken up with her boyfriend and was taking it out on Caleb. I wasn’t going to let anything dampen my spirits. He was back, and he was mine.
I walked into his condo without knocking. Now that he remembered who I was, there was no need for pretenses. He was standing in the kitchen, drinking a beer, his hair still wet from his shower.
I dropped my purse and ran to him. He just managed to set his bottle on the counter when I launched myself at him. He caught me, laughing.
“Hi, Red.”
“Hi, Caleb.”
We looked at each other for a good minute before he set me down.
“How do you feel?”
“Fine … great. I just … there is so much…”
I put my hand over his mouth. “You don’t have to say anything. I’m just glad you’re back.”
Before he could argue, I reached up on my tiptoes and kissed him. He was surprised at first. I felt his hands on my arms, trying to pull me away. I wrapped my hands around his neck. I was being territorial. God knows what he had been doing with that woman. I needed to reclaim him, have him kiss me like he did before the accident. He didn’t. When I backed away, he wouldn’t look at me.
“Caleb, what’s wrong? You remember everything, right?”
“Yes.”
“I feel like you’re still treating me like you don’t know who I am.”
He walked away, went to stand at the window with his back to me. I wrapped my arms around myself, squeezing my eyes shut. Why did I suddenly feel so cold?
“You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?”
He kept his body stiff, but turned his head to look at me. “Were we still together? The way I remember it, you broke up with me the morning of the accident.”
I swallowed. That was true.
“The accident put things into perspective for me,” I said, carefully. “I almost lost you.”
“The accident put things into perspective for me too, Leah. It changed everything — what I wanted … what I thought I could have…”
I shook my head. I didn’t understand what he was saying. Was he referring to her?
I squeezed in between him and the window so he was forced to look at me. “Caleb, before the accident you wanted me. Do you still want me?”
The longest two minutes of my life came next. I started to walk away. He grabbed my arm.
I was already crying. I didn’t want him to see.
“Leah, look at me.”
I did.
“I’ve been really selfish-“
“I don’t care,” I rushed, “you were confused.”
“I knew what I was doing.”
I stared at him. “What do you mean?”
He swore and ran his hand through his hair.
There was a knock at the door.
“Damnit … damnit!” He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, before stalking off to answer it.
It was Luca and Steve. I grabbed my purse and ran to the bathroom to fix my face before they could see me. If my mother had taught me anything in life, it was not to get caught with your emotions out.
“Leah!” she exclaimed when I walked out of the bathroom. She moved like a cat toward me. I resisted the urge to back up. The difference between Luca and my mother was a tremendous amount of sincerity and maternal love. This woman loved her son in ways I was completely unfamiliar with. It was unconditional. I envied him that. Something about her need to always embrace me, made me uncomfortable. I felt sized up every time she did it, like she was testing my bones to see if they were worthy of her son. I let her, looking at Caleb over her shoulder. He watched us with a strange expression on his face.
When she pulled away, she kept a hold on my upper arms and looked me in the eyes.
“Caleb, this girl…” She looked over her shoulder at him, then back at me with tears in her eyes. “This girl is a rarity.”
My surprise must have been evident on my face. She hugged me again. “Thank you, Leah. You have been so loyal to my son. A mother couldn’t ask for anything better.”
I wasn’t the only one in shock. Caleb’s face ranged between full-on astonishment and confusion.
When I caught his eye, he shrugged and smiled.
They stayed for the majority of the night, talking and drinking champagne — which they’d brought to celebrate. I left when they did. At the door, Caleb caught me by the wrist before I could walk away.
“Leah,” his voice was husky. “My mother was right. No matter what, you stuck with me. Even when...”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about that.” Her.
He narrowed his eyes. I felt like he was seeing me for the first time in months.
“You didn’t have to. It’s a shame it took my mother to point that out to me.”
“What are you saying, Caleb?”
“I’ve taken you for granted. Your loyalty. Your trust. I’m sorry.”
He pulled me toward him and wrapped me in a hug. I didn’t know what his words meant for us, but I was sure as hell going to stick around to see.
“I’ll walk you to your car.”
I nodded, swiping at my tears with my fingertips.
Please, God, don’t let him hurt me.