Why hadn’t she said those words sooner? When they could have made a difference.
“You don’t look very broken. It seems you’ve had lots of help being put back together.”
She had no clue how broken I still was. How she continued to shred my guts so carelessly. I had thought being with someone else would lessen the power she had over me.
What a load of bullshit.
One thing was for sure. Seeing me with Sophie bothered her. I thought I would have felt more satisfaction in that.
At one time I would have wanted her to be upset. For her to feel just a fraction of the rage that consumed me all of the times I had watched her leave a bar, or a club with another man.
Now I realized that I never wanted to see Gracie hurt and upset. That it felt like a punch to the kidney to know that she was in pain.
And that enraged me.
I turned my head to look at my sleeping girlfriend and felt…nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
“Jesus, Mitch! I’m sorry!”
I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes wishing I could just stop.
I was angry with Gracie for making me feel like this all over again.
And I was really angry with myself for falling into her chaos. She made it too easy to get lost in her.
Why can’t I let her go?
Knowing I wasn’t going to be able to sleep, I quietly got out of bed and quickly got dressed. I grabbed the key card from the desk, left the room, and eventually found myself in the small courtyard behind the hotel.
I stood there, staring up at the night sky and wished I could make sense of what I was thinking and feeling.
“What are you doing out here? It’s like one in the morning.” Maysie walked towards me, a sweater wrapped around her.
“It’s cold, you should be inside,” I said with concern. “Won’t Jordan be wondering where you are?”
Maysie waved away my comment. “You know how he is. A tornado could hit and he’d sleep through it.” She sat down on a small stone bench and patted the spot beside her. “You can’t sleep either?”
I shrugged and sat down. “Not really. I didn’t want to wake Sophie up so I thought I’d get some fresh air.”
“Insomnia must be catching,” Maysie laughed, rubbing her hands together, trying to keep them warm.
“You should have worn some gloves. You’re going to get sick and Jordan’s going to come and beat my ass because I let you sit out here when it’s freezing,” I scolded her good-naturedly.
“Psh. Jordan can be overprotective. He seems to forget sometimes that I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself,” Maysie said.
“He just loves you, Mays. He doesn’t want anything to happen to you. You’re lucky to have someone who cares so much about you,” I said softly, feeling a strange lump in my throat. Maysie’s expression was penetrating and a little disconcerting.
“So, the tour’s almost over,” she said, changing the subject.
I pulled up the collar of my coat. A breeze had picked up and my ass was already going numb. “Yeah and it’s not looking as though the label’s in a rush to put us on another one. I was talking with Josh the other day and he says he could hook us up with some gigs in the city once we’re home, but we’ll see.”
Maysie nodded, pushing her hair out of her face. “That could be good. But I also think that you guys could use a break.”
“I’m glad Jordan made us save most of our advance and royalty earnings instead of blowing through it like rock stars. At least we can take the time to figure out our next step,” I said.
Maysie nodded in agreement. “It was great of Mr. Levitt to help you guys invest your money. I don’t know many rock and rollers who have IRAs,” she snickered.
“We’re so hardcore,” I retorted.