It was an agonizing reminder of lost chances.
Once upon a time he would have found me in the crowd, given me his crooked smile, and we would have shared a moment of connection that was only for us. The fans didn’t matter. The crowd would have faded away and we would’ve shared in something that only ever happened when we looked at each other.
I wish I could go back in time and slap the shit out of the old me who had never seen what was right in front of her. She really was a narcissistic jackass.
But most of all I wanted him to look at me like he used to. I wanted to feel the buzz in my blood. I wanted the twist in my belly when his eyes met mine.
How had I been so blind to my feelings for so damn long? How could I think this flutter in my heart was anything but true and honest affection?
And then it happened. Just for a second. Mitch’s eyes flashed in my direction and I went completely still. I felt it all. The buzzing. The twisting. The fluttering.
I started to smile.
It was beautiful. It was amazing. It was perfect.
But then his face darkened and the buzzing died. The twisting faded. And the fluttering became a horrible sort of shattering.
Mitch looked away, finding that connection in the girl he had chosen to be with. The woman who had caught him after I threw him away.
Yuck. What a crappy feeling.
Then Cole started to sing a song that I couldn’t remember hearing before.
One that seemed all too appropriate. Did Mitch hear it too? I stared at him long and hard, willing him to look at me again, but he kept his eyes trained on the rest of the crowd.
On Sophie.
You promised me lies
I swallowed them whole
You said we had a future
It was just a tale to be told.
I gave you my heart
You threw it on the ground,
I screamed your name,
But never made a sound.
I was broken.
You were bleeding.
I was dead.
You were leaving.
You’re my nightmare come true
What can I do?
Love ruins and maims
I knew you’d never stay.
You’re my nightmare!
Who wrote this?
It sounded so angry. So bitter. It wasn’t Jordan or Garrett’s style and they were the ones who usually wrote the Rejects’ music.
Mitch closed his eyes, his mouth pinched as Cole sang the lyrics. His lips moved along with the words and I wished I could hear him sing. I had always loved his voice.
His eyes flashed open and settled on me again and this time he didn’t look away.
But I wished he would. Because the pain I saw there made me want to scream.
It was a pain that I was responsible for.
“This club is so lame!” I yelled into Riley’s ear. I stood beside her trying to dance in time to the beat. It was hard though because the music was bad. As in John Tesh on acid bad.
After the show the nine of us had loaded up the gear into the bus, most of us—minus Mitch and Sophie, who said they’d meet us there—had walked a few blocks away to a small basement club that was teeming with people. I didn’t catch the name as we had paid our cover and gone inside.
It smelled like body odor and weed. The music was of the crappy house variety. Lots of thumping bass and not much else.
People were drunkenly hooking up all around me and I had walked in on three girls going at it in the bathroom just twenty minutes ago.
This was definitely not my scene. Not anymore anyway. Once upon a time I would have been drinking it up and dancing my ass off. Now I just stood in the corner and tried to avoid having beer dumped down my back.
“Whose bright idea was it to come here?” I asked Garrett who was standing beside his girlfriend.
“I think Cole saw a flyer or something. We need to remember to do the opposite of whatever he suggests,” he answered, shaking his head.
“You haven’t figured that out by now?” Riley laughed, kissing him on the mouth. Garrett pulled her into his arms and wrapped her hair around his hand.