‘I had nothing else, Olivia.’
I shake my head, not believing what he’s telling me. Do I look like I would pay for sex? I wince when images of a thousand pounds scattered on a dining table jump all over my tortured mind. ‘What happened after Sophia left last night? Why the change from coming back to bed to waking this morning?’ He totally imploded, with no warning or reason.
‘She said some things. Made me overthink.’ He looks ashamed, and he bloody well should be when I’ve been repeatedly chastised for doing exactly that. ‘She pointed out my obligations.’
Obligations? My f**king brain is in a whirlwind. ‘And what happened today?’ This I have to know. There seems like too many obvious cover-breakers to me, yet Miller seems confident of their silence.
He drops his eyes. ‘I frightened myself.’
‘How?’
‘If I was punishing with these women before, then now I could be dangerous. I could hurt them.’
I frown, wrestling his face up and seeing fear in his eyes, which only serves to escalate mine. ‘Why?’
He takes a long, controlled breath of air and lets it all breeze out with his words. ‘Because when I look at any one of them, I see a reason why I can’t have my sweet girl.’ He lets me absorb his words for a few moments. I know what he means. ‘I see interferers.’
I clamp my lips together, tears stinging the backs of my sore eyes.
‘I can’t risk taking them when all I’m seeing is that. They’ll end up dead. But more importantly, I can’t do it to us.’
A small sob escapes me and he pushes himself into my body, coating me everywhere, my arms locking around his wet back in a vice grip. ‘You need to hide me,’ I sob, hating the cold reality that Miller’s life signifies.
‘I don’t want to.’ His mouth pushes into my neck and sucks softly. ‘But they’re going to make this difficult and I have to protect you. I’ve tried to walk away from you, I know I should walk away, but I’m too fascinated by you.’
I smile through my sadness. ‘I’m too fascinated by you to let you.’
‘I’m going to fix this, Olivia. Don’t give up on me.’
I’m feeling strong and determined and I’m going to transfer some of that into Miller. ‘Never. I’m going to worship you now,’ I declare, turning my face into his. I don’t know what lies ahead and that scares me, but a life without Miller terrifies me. I have no choice but to trust him and trust he’s doing what he thinks is right. He knows these people. It’s not just the women I need to worry about. ‘Savoured, not rushed,’ I whisper.
His face slowly moves towards mine. ‘Thank you,’ he murmurs, and then he swallows me up with a long, unhurried, delicate kiss, our tongues swirling dreamily as he rises and pulls me to his kneeling lap.
‘I want to worship you,’ I mumble against his mouth, feeling him taking over with his worshipping ways.
‘Your request has been noted,’ he assures me, but doesn’t relent on the kiss that he has complete control over, his hands running over every square inch of my back. ‘And ignored.’ He lifts from the water, taking me with him, holding me firmly against him as he negotiates the stairs and carries me across his bathroom, blindly collecting a condom from the cupboard before he heads into his bedroom. But he bypasses the bed, making me frown while he keeps up the delicious pace of his tongue. We’re in the hallway briefly before Miller opens the door to his studio and carries me in. I smile, the disorder and chaos of the room warming me. He picks up a black device while holding me and presses a few buttons, and I nearly break down when Imagine Dragons’s ‘Demons’ begins to seep from somewhere.
‘Oh Jesus, Miller,’ I sob against his mouth, letting the words settle into the deepest part of me.
‘Let’s paint perfect,’ he breathes, resting my wet bum on the edge of the table that’s running the length of a wall. I feel my body collide with things, sending them scattering across the surface, but there’s no gasp of horror or rush to replace them.
Our kiss is broken, leaving me wheezing in his face as his lips part and he pushes me down to the cold table. The chilliness of the hard surface barely registers over my wet, blazing skin. I’m burning up. Spreading my thighs, he positions himself between them. ‘Shall we?’ he asks, reaching forward and circling a nipple, sending a thrilling surge of blood to the tip of my sex. He really is the Special One. I could cl**ax now.
I nod, pulling in a sharp breath when he tweaks one of my tingling nubs, only gently, but my br**sts are sensitive, hungry for his touch.
‘I’ve asked once.’ His voice is rough, his question serious as he removes the condom and slides it on, his jaw tense.