chapter 14
As the challenge moves closer, the one that will have a big impact on our ranks, I’ve noticed people have been stealing bits of rope from the gym, stuffing extra food into their pockets at lunch and trying to hoard supplies they think no one will notice missing. I think of the backpack in my locker and become worried that I’ll be in trouble if it’s discovered. I’m fairly certain I’m not supposed to have it.
The day before the challenge, we forgo our afternoon training and sit on the floor of the gym to listen to the official rules. O’Donovan – affectionately nicknamed O’D, Dirty D and Big D – stands in front of us.
“This challenge combines everything you’ve been training for, which is why it is worth the most to your ranking. There will be a physical aspect, strategy and survival skills.” O’Donovan scans the faces of the recruits. “We’ll release you into the woods in waves so that you will be on your own.”
O’Donovan clears his throat and continues. “There will be staged obstacles that you must get through. And the most important thing is you must find your way back to the compound within thirty hours. If we have to use your chip to locate you – it’s automatic disqualification.”
After a moment, O’Donovan turns and leaves. Without training to occupy us, people mill about the gym, and some head back to the dorms.
When Sam and I make it back to the bunker, people are almost in a celebratory mood. It feels like the last day of school, when you’re both excited and not sure about what’s coming next or how you’ll fit into it.
Jake comes over to where Sam and I sit on the floor. I haven’t actually spoken to him, but after watching he and Sam stumble around the gym because they’re watching each other, I feel like I already know him.
“Hey,” he says. He’s got dark, disheveled hair and kind blue eyes.
“Hey,” Sam says back, but her voice is unsure.
“You’re Eve, right?” he asks, looking to me.
I nod and reach a hand up towards him. He gives it a quick shake and then lets it drop.
His eyes rest heavily on Sam. “I’m putting together a little going away party tonight in the basement – the old weapons room. It’ll start around nine. Hopefully … I’ll see you there.”
“Yeah, sure,” she says.
When Jake walks away, I ask her, “What did he mean a going away party?”
“After this test, those who don’t score well will probably be leaving. There’s always a few who get their assignment after one of these big challenges since they wouldn’t be able to move back up in the rankings.”
“Oh.” I consider it and wonder if I’ll be one of the people leaving. I’m not sure how I feel about that, which I’d prefer – to be assigned to a job somewhere in the compound or stay in training where I can try and learn more about my past.
That night, I dress in jeans and layered long sleeve T-shirts since Sam says it will be cold down in the basement. I shake my hair free from the braid it’s dried in and finger comb the waves. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt pretty, but when I look in the mirror, the effect is better than I could have hoped for.
After lights out, we creep out of the dorm in small groups, tiptoeing through the darkened hallways, trying to keep quiet. But we’re still teenagers, and girls giggle while the guys make echoy sounds under their palms.
Sam takes my hand and pulls me ahead. I have no idea how she seems to know her way around here so well. She leads me down a dimly lit stairwell, and we enter a huge, damp-smelling basement. Once we’ve stepped away from the stairwell, it’s completely dark, and she feels along the edge of the wall, pulling me after her until we’re on the other side of the basement. Sam stops, and her hands roam the wall looking for the doorknob. When she pushes the door open, light spills out, momentarily surprising me.
The party is in full swing. I have no idea how, but the lights burn bright overhead, and there’s even music playing. Music like I’ve never heard before. It’s nothing like the mindless, soft melodies I’m used to. The beat is fast and the voices are filled with emotion. It stuns me for a second, but then I recover and look around the room.
There are about dozen of us, and people sit on turned over crates, or stand near the speakers, tapping their feet, nodding their heads in time with the music.
“Sam.” I tug her sleeve. “Aren’t we going to get in trouble for being down here?”
“Nah.” She walks toward where Jake is standing, and I stay close to her. “The instructors know about this place. It’s not a big deal.” She shrugs.
A slow grin spreads over Jake’s face when he spots Sam. Not wanting to be a third wheel, I head over to Sabrina and Alex who sit on a set of worn couch cushions that litter the floor.
“Where’d the music come from?” I ask, sitting down beside them.
“It’s probably been here since this place was built. There were stashes of music and some books Jake found the first time we came down here.”
Even though this music is decades old, there’s nothing old or outdated about it. It is alive with energy and emotion in a way that feels raw, fresh and real. It’s almost distracting. I can’t focus on having a conversation or even think clearly while it floods my senses.
It reminds me of my mother always complaining about the poor excuse for music that was around these days. She said people didn’t make music like they used to, and now I know just what she meant. In fact, I’m beginning to see a lot of the things my mother said and did in a new light.
Growing up, I always knew my mom was different; I guess I just didn’t think much of it. I remember the days she occasionally kept me out of school so we could have all day pajama parties and finger paint. Or the times I’d open my lunchbox at school only to find she’d packed my favorite dessert in place of a lunch – marshmallows, graham crackers and chocolate.
Sometimes I thought I had the best mom in the whole world, but other times, as I got older, she’d scare me with her crazy ranting about wanting to take me away. Days like that, she’d escape to her bed, almost as if hiding would prevent my sixteenth birthday from coming. I thought she was just afraid of me growing up, afraid of losing me. And it turns out, she was right.
The door to the room swings open, pulling me from my thoughts. It’s Will. I stiffen, thinking we’re busted, but no one stops what they’re doing, so maybe his presence here isn’t entirely unexpected. He goes to the other side of the room and leans against the wall, his eyes scanning, like he’s ready to spring into action if needed. His eyes rest heavily on me, and for a few seconds I’m stunned speechless. Heat floods my cheeks when I remember what I saw in the hall the other night between Lexi and him.
He’s not in his usual military-issued black shirt. Instead, he’s wearing a heather gray t-shirt that looks soft from many washings and makes his grey eyes stand out more brightly. He must be off-duty. I realize I’ve only seen him out of his official uniform one other time – during our foray into the woods. Was he off then, too? Is that what Kane meant about our play date?
“Eve?” I hear Alex saying. I blink and look over at him. “What are your guesses for the obstacles they’ll give us tomorrow?” he says.
“I don’t know. I guess I’d rather not think about that right now. We’ll have to face them soon enough, but for now, we don’t.”
“True, true.” He nods. Then he grabs onto my knee and gives it a squeeze. “How’d you get so smart?”
I give Alex a lopsided grin, but catch Will’s eyes again. His calm, composed demeanor is replaced by annoyance at the sight of Alex’s hand on my knee. But it doesn’t last for long, because Lexi calls to him from across the room. His eyes flick to her. Lexi’s eyes are possessive as she looks him over. She walks up and stands in front of him. With her standing next to him, he doesn’t look quite as tall anymore; he’s only a few inches taller than her.
They speak in low voices, and I can’t hear what they’re saying from here; probably having a nice chuckle over my file or discussing their hallway activities the other night, but his face is serious, so maybe I’m wrong. Lexi places her hand on his chest. My lungs tighten, and a feeling I can’t place wells up inside of me. But then he takes her wrist and carefully removes her hand. I feel a small sort of victory and press my lips together to keep from smiling. I force myself to look away.
With Will standing in the room, I’m distracted and on edge, and I don’t know why. I’ve never felt this way before. Maybe it’s just because he’s the one person here, other than Sam, who seems to be looking out for me, and I still haven’t figured out his motive.
Lexi reaches out and runs a fingertip across his palm. His hands remain open at his side. His hands that were once around my waist, that taught me how to hold a gun. An errant thought makes me look away. Is my interest in Will only because of the things he can teach me? Maybe Lexi’s interest in Will is more genuine, based on simple attraction, whereas I’m always trying to get ahead, to learn more, and he’s someone who can help me. She has no motives beyond her interest in him. A pang of guilt laced with jealousy rumbles through me. I remember in the hallway how his eyes fell closed under her touch. He and Lexi share a connection; he and I never will.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Lexi turn and walk away from him. But I don’t look over. I won’t. The song changes and someone turns it up as loud as they dare. This must be a popular one, because a few people sway their hips, and others sing along when the words begin.
The rhythm is steady, and a man’s voice is singing about love. The beat grows and gets harder, all the instruments building together for the chorus. Feel like makin’ love. My cheeks burn when I hear the lyrics and when I look up, Will’s watching me again. His eyes burn intensely on mine, yet his face calm and composed. It’s overwhelming to have him looking only at me in a room full of people. I swallow and look down.
My heart is beating in time with the music when the chorus rings out again. People are laughing and singing along, only I’ve forgotten how to speak, how to even blink. I can still feel him watching me, and it does funny things to me. I’m more breathless and light-headed than after a run. I want to act unaffected and composed, but I can’t help it. My eyes flick to Will once again. He’s still watching me. He stuffs his hands low in his pockets, and his lips part in a small smile. It makes my skin itch the way his eyes freely roam over me. This time I look away. I don’t know what’s happening, but my entire body is humming with electricity and I don’t want it to end.
The whole song passes that way, with us stealing glances at each other. It seems like we’re communicating so much, only I can’t decipher the meaning. I pull in a lungful of air and release it slowly, but it does little to ease the tension around me. The weight of the moment becomes too much. I can’t take any more of his scrutiny, and I get up and head for the door.
Once it closes, I’m standing in the cool, dark basement alone. I rest against the wall and just breathe, trying to clear my head and slow my pounding heart.
A second later, the door opens just enough for Will to slip out behind me. “Sterling,” he says softly, trying to locate me in the darkness.
I don’t respond, but he knows I’m here. The sound of my ragged breathing gives me away. He comes and leans against the wall beside me. He’s quiet for a minute, and I’m glad he doesn’t say anything about whatever that was in there between us. I get the sense he’s always testing me, though I have no idea what for.
“I just want you to know, I didn’t give your file to Lexi.”
“No?” I challenge.
“I wouldn’t do that. It’s private.”
I don’t ask why, if it’s so private, did he have it in the first place, but instead, I ask the question I’m most curious about. “How’d she get it then?”
At this, he looks down. Maybe I’ve crossed the line. I’ve pried into their relationship, one he clearly doesn’t want me examining. “She must have taken it from my room without me noticing.” He shifts his weight so we’re standing even closer. Barely six inches separate us.
Of course I want to ask what she was doing in his room in the first place, but I don’t.
“I really am sorry, Eve,” he whispers. My name on his lips is the softest sound, almost like I imagined it; but no, instead of Sterling or 5491, he called me Eve. “Do you believe me?” he asks.
For a second I don’t answer. I just stare at the floor, at the space between our feet. He lifts my chin to meet his eyes. Even after I’ve raised my head to look at him, he doesn’t move his hand away. Standing this close to him, all my senses are heightened, blood rushes in my ears, and my heart thumps unevenly in my chest.
The door opens, bathing us in unwelcome light. I stumble back from him, just as Sam and Sabrina step out of the door. “Oh, there you are.” Sam looks back and forth between Will and me. “Come on.” She takes my arm. “We better get some sleep for tomorrow.”
As I walk away, I can still feel Will’s eyes watching me all the way through the basement.