“I just did what I was born to do,” I told him.
“I know that,” he said. “And now so does everyone else in this gym.”
I took a long sip of water and wiped my face with a towel. “So I’m on the team?”
“Hell, yes. And believe me, what you did today is going to go down in history.
People will hear about this. People are going to know your name, Justin Brown.”
I nodded, grateful for it to be over, and to have proven myself.
But somehow, as I basked in the glory of my victory, I couldn’t stop thinking about those greyhounds racing around that track, never quite able to catch that rabbit.
LINDSAY
When I got back to my room, I was giddy.
I had taken a chance, and it couldn’t have gone better.
Rachel still wasn’t home, so I blasted a silly pop song through my iPod speakers and twirled around the room, celebrating my small victory.
I decided I deserved to treat myself a little bit, and so I packed up my books and decided to go out to dinner. My bank account was pretty sparse – I’d saved up some money from my summer job, but it needed to last me the whole semester. Or at least until I could find another job. My parents would help me as much as they could with spending money, but they didn’t have that much to spare.
But I couldn’t sit in this room all night – I needed to get out.
I found a cute little café near campus that had cheap sandwiches. It was one of those places where you ordered at the counter and the staff didn’t care if you stayed all night. I curled up in a cozy corner booth and ate and read and just enjoyed my night.
When my eyes were blurry from studying, and I’d had more cups of coffee then I should have, I headed back to the library, where I studied some more. The walk across campus in the cool night air had refreshed me, and I was able to regain my focus.
When I finally got back to my dorm room, it was completely dark out, and I was exhausted. I felt accomplished and happy.
But, as seemed to be the case lately, I had one niggling thought at the back of my mind that prevented me from completely relaxing.
Justin.
He hadn’t texted me, and I wasn’t sure why.
Was it normal boy stuff, the way guys were always saying they would text and then not doing it? Or was it something else? Had there been something I’d done in the movie theatre that had grossed him out or made him want to get away from me? What if he’d thought about kissing me, and then realized he wasn’t attracted to me, and so he’d just decided he didn’t want to see me anymore? What if I never heard from him again?
Stop it, Lindsay, I told myself. You’re spiraling.
My phone vibrated with a text, and my pulse quickened.
But it was only Rachel.
Had a little too much to drink, it said. Going to spend the night at BU.
Sounds good, I texted back. Thanks for letting me know.
I looked around my room, feeling a little lost.
What was I supposed to do now? I was burnt out on studying, but I didn’t feel tired. The whole day – being with Justin this morning, then again at the movie theatre, then dropping my paper off at Dr. Klaxton’s office and meeting Carter – had left me wired.
I got into my pajamas and climbed into bed, then turned on the little TV Rachel had brought with her. There was a bunch of Vampire Diaries reruns on, and I zoned out for a while, watching those. I had to admit that it felt kind of good to not think of anything. My brain definitely needed a rest.
Even so, the whole time, I kept checking my phone.
And every time I did, I hated myself for it.
Just because he didn’t text me tonight didn’t mean anything. He’d told me he was going down to the gym. Maybe he’d gotten caught up there, doing something.
I wasn’t going to text him.
I’d texted him first the other day, and I wasn’t going to do it again.
I thought about shutting my phone off, and then finally, I did.
But ten minutes later, I’d turned it on again.
I was starting to hate my phone. It was really starting to control my life.
One little text, a voice in my head whispered. Just do it.
No.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
It was like a scene in a movie, where someone has an angel and a devil on their shoulder, fighting over what to do.
In the end, the devil won out.
Hey, just wanted to see how the rest of your day went? I typed. I’m going to bed soon, just wanted to let you know.
I thought that made it seem like maybe I was just letting him know I was going to bed, and that way he knew he didn’t have to text me.
But he didn’t text me back, and that’s when I started to think that maybe he saw right through me. Or maybe my first thought had been right – maybe he’d gotten grossed out for some reason, and now he wanted nothing to do with me.
Was this how it was going to be from now on? I wondered. Was I turning into one of those girls, the kind that obsessed over their phone and dropped everything for some guy? In high school, I’d prided myself on being completely above all that kind of stuff.