He ended the call before I could say anything else, leaving me speechless and staring at my phone like a little bitch. I felt like I’d just been dumped by a lukewarm, unavailable boyfriend. What the fuck?
I swallowed back the fresh wave of grief that threatened to drown me and tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. He wasn’t friends with Jude; they only knew each other through me and had never spent time together, so of course he wasn’t heartbroken like me. But… he seemed like he didn’t even want to be talking to me in the first place.
Whatever the fuck his personal shit was, it’d impacted our friendship. Badly.
It took me a moment to remember Kai was sitting right there beside me, and I swiped my hand over my face to dash away the tears. Kai didn’t even know who Carlos was; I’d never told him about my unusual friendship with my ex-boyfriend’s brother. Leon knew, but as far as I knew, Kai and Leon didn’t lie around in sleeping bags exchanging gossip about me.
“That was, um, a friend,” I told him lamely. “I just…”
I had no idea what to do next. The prospect of just picking myself up, dusting myself off, and continuing with my life seemed utterly impossible. And cruel.
“You’re in shock, ātaahua,” Kai murmured, his hand still rubbing my back. “Let me help you.”
Numb. That’s what I was. Fucking numb. Maybe Kai was right… Was this shock? I’d experienced physical shock before, like the first time I got shot or the time I nearly drowned while learning breath control. But this was different. This hurt so much more.
Dimly I registered that Kai was helping me to my feet and stripping me out of my weapons, changing me into soft sleep clothes, then tucking me into bed. It wasn’t even noon, but as soon as I was horizontal, it seemed like my lids were weighted down with lead.
Was this what emotional shock felt like? I hated it. I never wanted to feel this way again.
46
When I woke, my head felt like it was stuffed full of fluff. Not the soft type, either, but the scratchy polyester shit that they put in cheap plush toys. It made me itchy and confused as I cracked my aching eyes open.
I was in bed. Alone. But… not alone. It took me a moment to figure out why I felt like someone else was in the room, and I relaxed when I spotted Leon. He was sprawled out on the floor beside the bed, his laptop open in front of him with lines of code flickering across it at high speed. Like he’d set a decode working before falling asleep.
He didn’t look comfortable, his brow tight even as he slept, and I reached out a heavy, fuzzy hand to stroke his cheek.
His eyes snapped open, locking on mine, then the tension melted away from his brow. His gaze held all the questions that both of us were too broken, too damaged to communicate verbally. I just gave a slow blink, then wiggled over to make space for him in the bed as he climbed to his feet.
He slid under the covers, shuffling down until his head rested on my pillow, then wrapped an arm around me as I snuggled into his side. We might both be the product of violence and greed, but he made me feel so safe. Like I wasn’t really alone anymore.
I had no clue how long we slept together like that, cuddled up like emotionally supportive lovers, but when I eventually woke again, he was gone and my bed was cold. The absence of distraction meant that I wasn’t quick enough to get my walls back up. The sharp sting of loss hit me like a knife before I even sat up.
But the world didn’t stop turning just because I was hurting. Jude had been killed for a reason, and I’d be damned if I let them get away with it. So I dragged my heavy limbs out of bed and bullied myself into the shower.
The hot water calmed me somewhat, making that itchy fuzz in my brain feel less dense. I dressed comfortably, having no intentions to leave the house until those thumb drives were decoded. But shit, what did Leon say? It could take weeks without his equipment. Weeks.
Raking my fingers through my wet hair, I started padding my way downstairs on bare feet. Logically, I understood that Leon—or Kai—couldn’t just stay in bed with me indefinitely. People were still trying to kill us. But after all my musings and realizations on how utterly lonely I’d been for my whole life, I wanted to be near them. I wanted to sit in Kai’s lap while I drank coffee, feeling his stoic, steady strength and calming energy. I wanted Leon to drape his arms around me, holding me to his chest in that way that made me feel like his whole universe.
But my steps faltered as I approached the kitchen and their voices reached my ears.
They weren’t yelling—no doubt trying not to wake me—but there was no mistaking the heat of hatred in their words. They were arguing about something… I couldn’t catch every word, but I heard enough. Layla’s name was tossed around, along with mine. As I crept closer, I heard scathing vitriol about the Guild from Kai, and cutting remarks about how brainwashed we must be to do the things we did. Leon was no better, hurling back insults about Kai’s less than good intentions in taking down Remus. According to him, Kai was more obsessed with wiping out the next generation of mercenaries than helping those children.
“…wonder what DeLuna would say if she found out…” Leon’s voice dipped too low to hear and my fingernails cut into my palms “…maybe she’d finish you off herself.”
I swallowed. What was Kai hiding from me?
“…so fucking confident,” Kai was snapping back, taking Leon’s bait. Depending how long they’d been going at it, they were probably baiting and hooking each other. “You can’t handle knowing you might not win, can you? She’s in love with me and that kills you… … … never gonna win, just give up.”
Leon barked a cruel laugh at that. “You need that thick head examined, Malachi. I’ve already won. I won the second she realized that you murdered Layla. The fact you’re still alive right now? Foreplay.”
Kai’s response was furious and threatening, but I couldn’t make out the words. It seemed like maybe they’d moved further away from my hiding place and a wall was muffling the articulation.
The most cutting part of their argument was the way they both used my name—used me—as a weapon. To listen to either one of them, I was little more than a prize to be won. A possession. Goddamn, it hurt. Every word between them cut me like a blade, and after a few minutes, I felt like I might bleed out. All my cozy images of some crazy domestic bliss went out the window, no longer worth taking up space in my brain only to disappoint me further.
I’d stopped in the foyer, listening at a distance, and movement on the front door security camera drew my attention. I silently moved over there to take a better look and frowned at what I saw on the screen.
Pulling my hard shell around me as tightly as possible, I pressed the intercom before our visitor could press the buzzer.
“Tito,” I said, puzzled. “Why are you here?”
Carlos’s bitchy assistant sneered up at the camera. “Delivering your fucking plant, bitch. Carlos said he’s done with your shit and wants nothing to do with your drama anymore.”
My jaw fell open in shock. “What? No, he didn’t.”
Tito smirked into the camera. “Then how’d I know where to find you, hmm? How’d I transport your fucking plant here? Tell you what, puta, I’ll just leave the whole damn van here at the gate so I don’t break a nail unloading the stupid thing.” He flipped his middle finger at the camera, then swaggered away down the street with his phone in hand. No doubt he was already calling an Uber, and good fucking riddance to him. But… what the fuck, Carlos?
“Who was that?” Kai’s deep rumble behind me made my spine stiffen.
I sucked a deep breath through my nose, pulling my walls tight once more. “Tito, Carlos’s assistant. Apparently, Carlos decided that protecting Stanley for me was too much to ask, so they’ve sent him back to me.”
Kai’s eyes widened and his lips parted with… I dunno. Fuck, I didn’t care, either.
“What?” Leon asked, crossing over to check the video feed. “And he just left him there at the gate?”
I nodded, feeling flat and hollow. “Yep.”
“I’ll go check it out,” Kai offered, disappearing back into the living room, then reappearing with a gun in his hand. “Just in case it’s a trap. The van could be rigged with explosives or something.”
That idea made me give a bitter scoff. Carlos didn’t need to send explosives… he didn’t need to. This said it all. He sent Stanley back. He knew how much I loved Stanley.
“Something’s wrong, isn’t it, mon cœur?” Leon asked me, his voice quiet and serious.
I swallowed my feelings and plastered a neutral expression on my face. “Did you know?” I asked in return, watching through the open front door as Kai jogged down the driveway to collect the van containing Stanley. “You did, didn’t you? That’s why you were so vehemently against me taking the Ares contract in the first place. You knew he was the one who killed Layla.”