“No. Never,” he replied firmly. “Even if it dawns on you the man I became and the company I kept, I’m gonna make it so you understand, believe in me again, and never want me to leave.”
“I already don’t ever want you to leave.”
He closed his eyes, raw washing through his features bathed in the lights from the kitchen window.
It was a beautiful sight to see.
Then he opened them. “Did shit, baby.”
“I don’t care.”
“Wanna give that to you. Need to so you understand the man in your bed and why that man was me.”
I leaned toward him over the arm of my chair. “Don’t you get it, Deacon? I already understand. And I believe. The only time I quit believing was when you didn’t give me what I needed in order to keep doing it. I have that now. All I need. I don’t need any more.”
“Here,” he growled, his expression changed again.
Fierce.
Fierce with his love for me.
That was way more beautiful.
Totally.
I didn’t go there because I was relishing the look on his face, letting it settle down deep, memorizing every inch. Not to mention, I had his here back, and as annoying as that was, I’d missed that too.
Deacon got impatient and grabbed my hand, yanking it hard so his tug took my chair closer to his. Bossy gave a soft bark, and in order not to drop my cocoa, I set it aside and got out of the chair. The throw fell to the deck as I moved to him and he moved his boots from the railing. When he had them to the deck, I put a knee to the seat by his hip and swung the other leg over, settling my booty in his lap.
Both his hands slid up my back, pulling me to him as I put my hands to his shoulders.
“Was a bounty hunter,” he said when he got me close.
“Deacon, you don’t have to—”
“Didn’t find folks who jumped bond. Found bad guys and returned them to worse guys who could pay me in cash.”
I clamped my mouth shut.
“Got four million, five hundred seventy-five thousand dollars, in cash, hidden in safe places across the country.”
My mouth dropped open.
“Took three men’s lives,” he went on and my eyes got huge. “Hunt went bad, it got to a point that it was them or me, so I picked me.”
“I’d pick that too,” I said quietly.
It was like I didn’t speak as he kept talking and I knew he had to get this out.
“Didn’t like that shit happened but those men were not good men. It’s a lot of trust but you gotta believe me when I say the world is not a poorer place without them in it.”
“I trust you.”
He stared at me a moment before he muttered, “Jesus.”
“I do.”
His gaze was softer, as was his tone, when he replied, “I know.”
I bent closer to him, lifting a hand, and curling it around the side of his neck.
Deacon kept going.
“That world needs contained, Cassie. If it isn’t contained, women like Jeannie get sucked into it. It’s a war that has no end, a job that’ll never get done, a world that leaks every day, millions of times a day, into good people’s lives. But I did my bit to keep that world contained.”
“I get it, honey,” I said gently.
“Hunted once,” he went on, “that was not for money. My man Raid, he’s got a woman, good woman. He was livin’ his own nightmare, she guided him out. Some men hurt her and did it bad. He lost his mind. Had to contain him, had to contain the situation, had to help him send a message. She was off-limits. Worked with Knight, Creed, and Sylvie, that message was sent.”
I nodded.
I understood what he was saying.
“You need to know more.”
I didn’t want more.
“Give me what you need,” I invited.
His hands moved in order to curve his arms around me, he gave me a squeeze, and I knew just with my words I’d already given him what he needed.
“Men who did what they did to Jeannie, they’re no longer breathing.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Not me doin’ it. Wanted them to hurt, got deep in that world to find her, found I had skills in that world. Took to it. Got really fuckin’ good at it. That’s why I became what I became and did it for money. But they knew who I was. Knew my name. What they did to Jeannie and them knowin’ who I was—so that my way in that world started and stopped with me, didn’t leak to my folks, my sister—they had to go. So I set it up so they got in a war, suffered during that war, and lost their lives to it.”
He was saying that wouldn’t leak to Glacier Lily.
“I would have done the same,” I replied.
His lips quirked. “Bullshit.”
“I’m a tough broad,” I reminded him.
He shook his head, humor lighting his eyes, but then he sobered.
“What you need to take from that is, no one knows me as Deacon Gates. No one knows why I was in that world except Raid. Deacon Gates died with Jeannie and the men who brought her low. No one even knew me as Deacon, ’cept the folks I knew in my gut I could trust. They never disappointed. They won’t. They didn’t before because I picked the right people to trust. Now, they’ll have an added incentive not to do it ’cause they know if they do, it could harm you, and they’d wake up with their throats slit.”