She swallows, trying again: “Should we take a break?”
I, too, have to swallow past a lump in my throat before I can speak, and it takes several tries. “I’m not sure what that means.”
“It means I want to be with you, but I don’t think I can right now.”
I don’t understand. “?‘Right now’?”
She nods.
My brow furrows as I try to catch up. “So . . . you need to work for a week in quiet? I can do that.”
Lola stares down at her hands. “I don’t know. I think maybe we should just try to go back to where we were a couple of weeks ago, and then see how things are this summer.”
I gape at her, feeling like my heart is dissolving in acid. “Lola, it’s March.”
“I know.” She’s doing the nodding thing again, swallowing back tears. “I know. I just really suck at both. I really suck at it, and I don’t want to mess this up, or that”—she points at her computer—“and I think I have to do the book without anything else. Without you so . . . available.”
“I understand that L.A. was terrible, and you are stressed about work, but this isn’t the way to deal with that. You have feelings for me,” I tell her, my voice thick with frustration and urgency. I know she does. “Strong feelings. I’m not imagining how it is between us, Lola.”
“I do have feelings,” she admits, looking at me with watery eyes. “I’m crazy about you. But this is more important right now. I wasn’t ready. I shouldn’t have gone to your house, played poker. I should have waited until I was done with all of this.”
I stand, rubbing my face. “Lola, this is a terrible idea. People don’t just take breaks in relationships to catch up on work.”
Her eyes close. “There isn’t a good option here.” She turns her face up to me. “Would you wait? Just . . .” She shakes her head. “Wait for me to figure it out?”
“For three months?” I ask.
“Or less. I don’t . . .” She looks away. “I don’t even know what I need.”
I turn and stare at her chaotic desk, feeling anger and hurt and confusion reach a churning boil in my chest.
“Please don’t be mad,” she whispers. “I wasn’t going to say anything but then you’re here, and I’m not disappearing, I’m not, I’m just saying that I have to get this done.”
I nod, wishing I could turn to stone.
“Oliver, say something.”
My voice is low and hurt when I tell her, “You could have simply said to me that you need to really buckle down this week. That would have made sense.”
She scrubs her face and then looks up at me, pleadingly. “I need to have nothing else going on. I need this to be the only thing on my mind.”
I walk to the door and turn to face her, leaning against it. “You’re sure this is what you want? To push pause? To take a break?”
A panel shows him, breaking the glass, his chest on fucking fire.
She nods. “I just need to know that I don’t have anything else I can be doing. That being with you isn’t an option when I have to work.”
“So we’re not together anymore,” I say flatly, “because it’s too good, and too distracting to you.”
“We will be,” she urges.
“Do you even hear yourself? That’s not how it works, Lola.”
“Let’s just—”
“Hit pause,” I interrupt. “Got it.” My laugh is a short, dry breath. “Lola, I love you. You know that. And you want me to just . . . wait for you, for months, to be ready again?”
She looks at me helplessly. “I have to put this first.”
“As my best friend, I sort of feel like you shouldn’t want that for me,” I tell her. “I think it’s bullshit, actually. I think you’re stressed about work, but I think you’re also just full of shit right now.”
She looks sorry, but she also looks relieved, as if I’ve agreed to this flaming piece of shit she’s put between us.
Dark Wild Night
Christina Lauren's books
- Darkness Arisen
- Embrace the Darkness (Darkness Series)
- A Shot in the Dark
- Fallen Angels in the Dark
- Beautiful Darkness
- Dark Needs
- My Double Life Wild and Wicked
- Wild and Wicked (Wal-Mart Edition)
- Run Wild (Escape with a Scoundrel)
- WILD MEN OF ALASKA
- Wildest Dreams
- Iris (The Wild Side)
- Upon A Midnight Clear
- Midnight rainbow(Rescues (Kell Sabin) series #1)
- A Knight in Central Park
- A Knight of Passion
- Bungalow Nights
- Midnight Special Coming on Strong
- Night Falls on the Wicked
- Night Maneuvers
- One Night of Misbehavior
- One Night Standoff
- Reckless Night in Rio
- The Knight of Her Dreams
- One Night with Her Ex
- Need You Tonight
- Rock All Night
- Bride for a Night
- Prom Night in Purgatory
- The Last Good Knight (parts 1 to 5)
- Moonlight on Nightingale Way
- The Nightingale
- Tonight the Streets Are Ours
- An Artificial Night
- Chimes at Midnight