I pushed past him, my excitement surging at the mention of Kross. He would probably knock me out once he heard the news. Please, my inner voice shouted. It might help to fire my neurons back into place. Light spilled out from the office into the dim hall. A stale odor penetrated my nostrils. My pulse raced the closer I got to the office. Telling Kade was going to be hard, and telling Kross was going to be just as difficult. He’d asked me for a couple of condoms. I’d been the one to tell him to be careful. Now look at me.
I crossed the threshold to find Kross lounging on the couch. I wanted to feel as relaxed as he appeared. Instead, my muscles were strung tighter than a violin string.
When he saw me he straightened. “What’s wrong? You look like death.”
Truth be told, I’d shed a few tears for fucking up my life and Chloe’s life.
Kade lumbered in then found a spot on the edge of the desk, projecting his usual persona: I’m listening, then I’ll beat the lights out of you.
I began to pace. “I fucked up. Like really.” I combed both hands through my hair and down the back of my neck, then punched the paneled wall. My already-bruised knuckles bled again as bones cracked. With the adrenaline running through me, I felt no pain.
“Unless you killed someone, it can’t be that bad,” Kade said easily.
I whirled around. “Chloe’s pregnant!”
Dead silence. Complete mind-hurting silence. I swung my gaze between my brothers. Both had gone pale.
Welcome to my hell.
I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor. Then I banged my head against the wall, rocking back and forth like I had when Karen died.
“Is it yours?” Kross asked.
I banged my head harder. I was embarrassed to say I hadn’t asked. All I’d done was lose my shit, bolting off the steps, ready to throw myself off a bridge.
“Well?” Kade asked. “Is it?”
“I don’t know.” I pulled my hair. “I just took off.”
“Can I punch him or should you?” Kross mashed his lips into a thin line as he came to stand over me. “How in the fuck didn’t you ask that question?”
“Why would she tell me she was pregnant if it weren’t mine?” Chloe never came to me for advice. “Not to mention, she would’ve said so immediately if I wasn’t the father. And I freaked, okay? I needed to think.” Part of me was afraid to know the answer.
“Did you use a condom?” Kross asked.
“Always. Fucking always.” Never had I had sex without one, even when I’d been drinking.
Kross sank down next to me. “I get why you flipped out. But you got to talk to her.” His tone had lightened.
Even though I was terrified out of my fucking mind, Kross was right. “I know,” I growled.
Kade’s vacant stare gave me the chills. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone in my family, particularly Kade. He’d taught us always to man up, never to lie. He gave us great advice, although he sometimes forgot to follow his own, and he’d been a good role model when our dad had been on missions.
“Man up,” Kade nearly snapped. “And do it before her old man cuts off your balls.”
The buzzer rang. With my luck, Jeremy Pitt was at the back door. Kade stalked out.
“That went well,” I muttered.
“He’ll have more to say later once he gets over the shock,” Kross said.
“I’ve never been more scared and fucked up in my life.” I dropped my head to my bent knees.
“I never told anyone this, but do you remember Ruby?” Kross asked.
I lifted my head. “Ruby Lewis? The girl you dated while we were at the Academy?”
“Yeah. Well, she thought she was pregnant. And I reacted like you. I ran for my life.”
“Dude, you better land a right hook to my jaw because I’m not sure I heard you correctly.”
Silence. Kross stared off into space.
“Well? Was she pregnant?” I didn’t know if I was more shocked that he hadn’t told us or that he could be a father. A chill sped down my spine. My brother, Kross, the one who took after Kade in so many ways, strong, protective, and cautious, was about to tell me…
Kross hung his arms over his knees. “No, she wasn’t. She’d been stressing over practicing for her ballet performance and was late. It was the first and only time I didn’t use a condom.”
I propped my head against the wall and grunted.
“Is there a chance that you’re not the father?” Kross asked. “Haven’t you two been dating other people?”
“I have.” I wasn’t sure about Chloe.
“Regardless, you can’t run from this. And I’ll tell Kade about Ruby when I’m ready.”
The practical side of me knew he was right. “I’m not telling Kade anything.” We never tattled on each other.
Lizzie’s voice trickled in. “Is he okay?”
I winced. “Shit.” I’d forgotten all about Davenport, her, and the meeting. “Don’t say anything.” I couldn’t tell her. Not until I was sure if I was the father.
“Problems with Lizzie?” Kross picked at the wristband of his watch.
“You have no idea.” It wasn’t that we had problems. I was the one with the problem.
I didn’t hear Kade respond to her.
“You guys still have that brother code, don’t you?” she asked.
Kade stayed silent.
Kross chuckled. I didn’t. I was on a roll letting people down and fucking up so bad that my sanity was on the brink of destruction. I squeezed my temples.
“There you are,” she said.
I was afraid to make eye contact.