I chewed my lip. “It doesn’t matter if I do or I don’t. She has a boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend or not. You two were inseparable as kids. I know how broken you were when she moved away. I would bet that you’ve thought about her many times over the years, and now that she’s here in Boston, I’m sure you’re curious. You probably have questions. And I’d suspect that your heart never really got over her.”
Says the psychiatrist to his son. “I’m not going through the hurt and pain again. So don’t worry about Lizzie showing up here.”
“Don’t live your life on the premise that all women will run from you. Remember it wasn’t Lizzie’s fault she moved away. Her father took another job.”
I jerked my head back. “Are you saying you don’t mind if I see her?”
“You’re an adult. I’m not about to tell you who to date and who not to date. However, Lizzie’s presence in our lives could be complicated, not only for your mother, but for all of us. Could you look at her and not be reminded of what happened to your sister?”
When I look at Lizzie, I only see her beauty. I only know when I lay eyes on her my stomach goes haywire. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t plan on getting serious with her or any woman.”
My dad smiled, albeit sadly. “You will find that special woman one day. And when you do, you’ll see the world in a whole new light.” His voice trailed off as though he was thinking of my mom.
I was already beginning to see the world in a new light. One I wasn’t sure I wanted to see. Ten seconds of silence ensued before I said, “Lizzie said her father contacted you to check on us. But he never heard from you. How come you didn’t keep in contact with the Reardons?” Our family had had to heal, but so had the Reardons. Not to mention that the psychiatrist in my father would have wanted to know and help.
He twisted a cloth napkin at the corners. “Our life got busy with your mom and our move from Texas to Massachusetts. It was a tough time for all of us.”
I interlaced my fingers and set my hands on the table. “Do you blame them for what happened?” Over the years, our family had been concentrating on taking care of Mom and trying to get on with our lives.
“Christ, no. If anything, I blame myself for not teaching Karen gun safety. Every day I kick myself for not allowing her to learn.” He lowered his gaze. “I just wanted my little girl playing with dolls, not guns.”
“And Mom?” I wasn’t sure if he talked about that day with her, or if the topic was part of her therapy.
“I’ve tried to broach the subject. I’ve even suggested to her psychiatrist to try, but every time she either changes the subject or drops into a deep depression for days. I don’t know how she’ll react if she continues hearing Lizzie’s name.” He was knotting the napkin.
My dad was a strong individual. He was retired from the Special Forces, had fought in many military campaigns, and had led a team of soldiers. But when it came to Mom, the wall of strength he erected fell, and behind it was a man who worried about his family and the love of his life. Seeing him powerless and concerned only confirmed why I didn’t want to do love.
“Dad?”
His head came up slowly, his warm gaze urging me to continue.
“I know you said Karen found the combination to the safe. I also know you try to protect us. But what if…?” I couldn’t bring myself to even ask. Kade had said I needed to talk to someone. I locked my shaking hands underneath my legs. “What if… it was my fault?” I tensed.
He angled his head, his eyebrows bunching together. “What do you mean?”
My heart rammed against my ribs. I shuddered. “For the last seven years I’ve been trying to remember if I was the one who left the gun safe unlocked.”
His gaze darted back and forth over me as he continued to play with the napkin that was turning into one big knot. “Is that what you think?”
I jumped out of the chair, my hands pulling my hair while my pulse pounded in my ears. “I don’t know. Lizzie walked into the garage that day as I was putting away the ammo. I got distracted. You trusted us. I’m so sorry.” I lowered my head, my eyes catching a glint off my butter knife. I was ready to use it on myself.
The longer we didn’t speak, the quicker my heart sped up.
He cleared his throat, but his voice still broke when he spoke. “Look at me, Kelton.”
I glanced at him. My pulse was erratic. Beads of sweat coated my forehead.
With soft eyes, he said, “You’re right. I do protect you boys at all costs. But if you had left the safe open, I would’ve confronted you immediately. I always checked behind you boys. I did that day after you left the garage with Lizzie.”