He continues his circle of the room. “I heard him tell you that you belonged in Groveton, and that’s when you went nuts. You were going to run away that night, weren’t you? That’s why you were mad at him. He stopped you from going.”
Panic surges through my body and I hop off the bed. Where did he throw my shirt? I have to go before he figures it out. A black blob lies in the corner. I take two steps and strong arms grab my waist.
“I already said you aren’t running.” Ryan’s light brown eyes bore into mine. “From the moment I began to care for you, I’ve always felt like you were slipping away. Sometimes when you kiss me I feel like you’re saying goodbye. I kept telling myself that was in my head. That you’re scared to love me so you HC TITLE-AUTHOR
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retreat. It’s more than that, isn’t it? Scott won’t let you near your mom so you’re planning to run away with her.”
Ten minutes ago, I wanted nothing more
than his body close to mine. Now his closeness is too much. I need space and I can’t move.
His fingers press tight into my skin.
“When?”
My mouth becomes dry and I stare at the
floor. This isn’t how tonight was supposed to go. Ryan raises his voice and yells, “When?!”
I don’t want to lie to him. “Soon.”
Ryan moves his hands off my hips and curls me into his body. A body that a few seconds before stood solid in anger. My heart breaks from the desperation of his defeat. His forehead rests against mine and his hand grips my hair. “Stay, Beth.”
I close my eyes and wrap myself around
him. I’m going to miss this: Ryan’s strength, his warmth, his love. “I love you, Ryan,” I whisper, half hoping he doesn’t hear it. Why does everything hurt so damn bad?
His body stiffens and my heart stops. Maybe he did hear me. Ryan places his hands on my shoulders and gently pushes my body from his.
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His eyes dart over my face. “I don’t lose.
Do you hear me? I don’t lose and that includes losing you. I’m done being kept in the dark.
I’m done feeling like you’re slipping right past me. You are not saying goodbye to me. I’m in love with you and you love me back. You’re staying.”
Ryan says it as if it’s an easy decision. Like I could forsake my responsibilities. Like these chains that have been strangling me for years can easily be cast off. “I can’t.”
The anger and confusion drains from his
face and the calm and control I’ve only seen while he’s on the pitcher’s mound take command. “I won’t let you go.”
I blink. As if he could stop me. “You won’t let me go.”
“No, I won’t let you go. You’re mine and I don’t lose.” He rests his hands on his hips and I see the same cockiness from Taco Bell, as if telling me to leave my mother to die is no different than asking for my phone number.
“This isn’t a game to be won or lost. There are things in my life that were set in motion before I took my first breath. I don’t have a choice in this.”
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“That’s bullshit. Everyone has choices
and I’ve made mine. There is no way you’re leaving.”
He’s so confident that part of me believes him. “I’m not?”
“Nope. Three months ago you had no roots
here, but now, you’ve got them.”
“Roots.”
“Roots,” he repeats. “You’re on the
homecoming court and starting to do well at school. My friends love you. You’re closer to Scott. You have a best friend in Lacy.”
My mind races and so does my breathing. I made a life here—in Groveton. A life I enjoy. A life I could keep. Ryan draws me into him. He lowers his head as his fingers leave a burning path across my cheek. “You have me.”
The pure emotion in his voice causes me to shiver. I could try to build a wall, but the intensity of his gaze tells me he’d see through anything. The seconds stretch between us. His lips come dangerously close to mine, yet he keeps them away. With his hand warm on my face, his nose skims my jawline and I try to inhale to steady my pulse.
Ryan tugs at the loops on my jeans and
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guides me back onto the bed. Taking my
hand, he urges me to stretch out beside him.
His jeans hang right along his hip bones and I swallow.
I’m in love with him. Tonight I was going to give him a memory of me. I found the confidence and I was in control. My heart stutters. I lost my control. I lost my confidence.
My hand shakes as I touch his bare chest.
“I want you to trust me.” Ryan brushes his hand down my arm and I tremble. The signals he sends are unmistakable. There are times when you stand on the cusp of moments so huge, you know you’ll remember them forever.
This is that moment for me and for Ryan. I’m not seducing him. He’s not seducing me.
Instead, we’re choosing to be together.
I suck in a breath and rush out the words before I lose the courage to say them. “I trust you.” And please, please don’t use that against me.
“I’m in love with you,” he whispers.
“Are you scared?” I ask him. Because I am.
Terrified. Earlier I was anxious, but not frightened. This isn’t me giving him a memory.
This is me giving him my heart.
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