chapter 28
TAYLOR COULDN’T HELP feeling a strong measure of personal pride this morning as Devon stood next to her at the door of her apartment, her slouch gone as she rocked back and forth on her heels in anticipation. Ryan had just called from the lobby on the intercom, and would be up in a minute. The girl was practically bursting to tell her dad about her decision.
“I hope he’ll go along with it.” Devon shot her a nervous look. “You really think you can get me into Friends, don’t you, Taylor?”
Taylor wrapped her arm around Devon’s shoulders and squeezed. “I have a really good feeling about it.”
Both during and after yesterday’s visit to Valley Forge, Taylor had been on the phone with one of her former math teachers, a woman who was now the Assistant Head of School. Mrs. Cartwright had been more than sympathetic and willing to help and, after more exchanges of calls and messages Sunday evening and early this morning, Taylor had been assured that if Devon’s SSAT scores were proven to be as high as the girl had claimed, her chances of a special late term admission were solid. Taylor had been candid about Devon’s pending situation at Edenwood, and had been advised that it would stand the applicant in better stead if she went through the disciplinary process before withdrawing from that school. That made sense to Taylor, since that was the only way the facts of the situation could be reasonably determined.
“Thanks, Taylor. I can’t believe you’re doing all this for me.”
Taylor made a scoffing sound, though the girl’s words filled her with warm pride. “And you’ll go back to Edenwood for the hearing on Wednesday, right? We agreed on that.”
Devon nodded, frowning. “I’ll hate it, but yeah, I’ll do it. If Dad goes along with everything.”
Taylor shared the girl’s trepidation on that score. “You can tell him now that we talked about a possible new school, but you should be one-on-one with him when you discuss the details. I don’t want your dad to feel he’s on the spot, or that we’re ganging up on him.”
“Right. I’ll talk to him about it as soon as we get to his place.”
Taylor heard footsteps in the hall and then the chime rang. She gave herself another quick once-over in the foyer mirror and then opened the door.
Ryan stood there, legs apart, his thumbs hooked into the pockets of his jeans and a wide smile on his stubbled face. Taylor’s heart skipped a beat as the realization of how much she’d missed him sank in. Missed him? Hell, she wanted to throw herself into his brawny arms that very second.
His faded black tee shirt was stretched tight over muscles that instantly recalled how amazing his body had felt when she had her arms and legs wound tightly around him in bed. Even now, she was suddenly burning up with need despite the chill of the condo’s air conditioning.
But it was Devon who got to fling herself into his arms, and rightly so.
“Hi, Dad.” She pressed her face into his chest. “I’m glad you`re back.”
Ryan’s eyes widened as he embraced his daughter, gently stroking her colorful hair. “Hi, sweetheart. What a great welcome home.” There was a little catch in his throat.
When Devon detached from him, Ryan stepped farther inside and, after a moment’s hesitation, gave Taylor a quick hug and an air kiss as Devon shut the door behind them. “Nice to have you back,” Taylor whispered as his cheek brushed her ear.
When Ryan turned again to his daughter, Taylor felt a tinge of disappointment. She didn’t know what she’d expected from him on his return, but he seemed uncomfortable with her. That wasn’t the reaction she’d expected—not after the easy, if brief, telephone conversations they’d had over the weekend.
“You ready to go?” he said to Devon.
“Yep.” Devon scooted off to her bedroom, leaving Taylor to consider how strange it seemed that she already thought of her spare room as Devon’s.
Ryan leaned against the wall of the narrow foyer, his image filling the mirror across from him. “Is it okay if I drop Dev off at my place and come right back here? If you can hang around a bit, I’d like you to brief me on everything that’s happened. Or, we could do it later if you have to get into the office.”
Taylor instinctively glanced down at her watch, though she had no idea why since there was no need to rush in to the office today. She’d been working online for a few hours already this morning after giving up on sleep before dawn broke. Sleep had proven elusive, no doubt because of her anticipation over Ryan’s return and excitement about what had happened with Devon. “I’ll stick around. Take your time with Devon, though. She really wants to talk to you.”
Ryan’s look contained more than a little puzzlement.
Devon returned with her small bag slung over her shoulder. So much about the girl seemed to have changed over the last three days. Her eyes had some sparkle now, her hair was clean and lustrous, and she moved with agile grace instead of a sullen shuffle. When Taylor opened her arms, Devon pressed her thin body against her and hugged her with impressive strength.
“Thanks for everything,” the girl whispered. “You’ll call me, right?”
Taylor hugged her back. “Of course. And you call me, too, okay? Absolutely any time. I’m really going to miss having such a fun roommate.”
She glanced past Devon at Ryan. His mouth had sagged open, as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Taylor gave him a wink.
* * *
BY THE TIME they made it to his apartment, Ryan figured that Devon might have spoken more words to him during the six minute drive than she had in the previous six months. He pretty much just nodded and smiled as she babbled on about how Taylor had done this, and Taylor had said that, and Taylor had taken her here, and Taylor had made the most awesome osso bucco last night for dinner.
Osso bucco?
Devon didn’t ask him a thing about his trip or, more importantly, how he’d played in Miami, but he supposed that wasn’t much of a surprise. She’d never cared much about baseball, anyway, and seemed so excited by her weekend with Taylor that she might not have noticed if he’d sprouted a third eye. Not that it mattered—what did matter was that she was happy.
“You mind if I go back to Taylor’s for a few minutes while you get settled in?” he asked as she dropped her bag inside the door and kicked off her shoes. “I got her a little thank you gift for taking care of you, but I forgot to bring it with me when I picked you up.”
Actually, he’d deliberately left it behind to give him an excuse to go back and talk to Taylor alone. He didn’t much like telling even that kind of little white lie, but he didn’t want Devon getting any ideas about his relationship—or lack thereof—to Taylor.
Devon shook her head. “No, but can you wait a couple of minutes, Dad? I want to talk to you about something important, okay?”
Instinctively, he tensed. “Sure. Let’s go sit down.”
He led the way into the small living room. It was sparsely furnished right now, but with its dark hardwood floors and pale yellow walls, he thought it would be a cozy space for them once he got it set up properly.
Devon flopped down onto the sofa, tucking her long legs up underneath her. Her eyes were more alive than he’d seen them in a very long time. Ryan sat down in the armchair angled to the sofa and shifted his body to look straight at her. “Want a soda, or some coffee?”
It might still be morning, but he wanted a drink. Man, why was he so nervous with his own kid?
Because you never know what she’ll do from one minute to the next?
“Maybe later.” Her gaze dropped as she picked at an imaginary piece of lint on the leg of her jeans. “Dad, I know you really want me to stick it out at Edenwood, but I think I’ve found something that we can both live with. And it’ll mean we can be together, too.”
Ryan clamped down on his surprise. Just shut up and listen. “Keep going. I’m listening.”
“Well, Taylor went to school at this place here called Friends Select School. She loved it, and the more we talked about it—which was a lot—the more I started to think that I might actually be able to fit in there, too. And it’s pretty close to this apartment—I think I could probably walk there from here every day. I did some research about it on the Internet, too, and I liked just about everything I read. And the tuition’s not as high as Edenwood’s, either, so that would save you a fair bit of cash. It’s a great school, too. Academically, I mean. As good as Edenwood.”
Devon paused in her rapid-fire delivery to take a couple of quick breaths, which showed her nerves. “And we could be together again, Dad. That would be awesome, right? I totally don’t need anybody to look after me when you’re on the road, but if you want to hire a housekeeper, that’s fine with me. Plus, I’d have Taylor to keep an eye on me, too, and even stay with her sometimes. She told me she’d like that a lot.”
Oh, she did, did she?
Devon’s eyes held some combination of hope and fear that shunted all Ryan’s questions into the background. She really did want this—there was no mistaking that conclusion. But had Taylor pushed her into grabbing onto something that would turn out to be completely unsuitable?
That was something best left for him and Taylor to sort out.
“Wow, that’s some surprise.” Ryan exhaled a long breath and held out his hands until she slid her much smaller ones into them. “I’m going to have a lot of questions, Dev, both for you and for Taylor, but I promise that we’ll talk this through and make a decision together. I’m really glad you’re pumped up about going to school, though.”
“Totally, Dad. Taylor’s made some calls already, and she thinks there’s a really good chance they’ll take me despite that dumb Edenwood stuff.” Her mouth suddenly turned down and her head drooped. “I didn’t want to admit it, but I really screwed up back there. I guess I should have listened to you and stayed away from those two morons like you said.”
Ryan felt his throat tighten. He just hoped what she was saying was real, and not some line meant to manipulate him into giving her what she wanted. He hated thinking about his own kid that way, but he’d been down that road enough times that he’d learned not to completely drop his guard.
But now that she’d raised Edenwood, Ryan decided to follow up instead of leaving the discussion until after he’d talked to Taylor. “Dev, I’m afraid I have to ask something. How much of this enthusiasm is about ducking the consequences of what you did at Edenwood? You say that you should have listened to me, but are you going to listen now when I tell you that you need to go back there and face that hearing, no matter what we decide about this new school idea?”
Devon raised her eyes and when she looked at him her gaze held strong and steady. “Yeah, I’ll go, Dad. We’ll go face it together.”
* * *
“JUST A LITTLE thank you,” Ryan said, thrusting a tiny, gift-wrapped package into Taylor’s hand. “Unwrap it later, okay?”
Taylor got the sense that he’d feel embarrassed if she opened it in front of him. “You didn’t need to do this, Ryan. But thank you.”
She ushered him into the living room and set the gift down onto the coffee table. “How about some coffee?”
Taylor hadn’t expected to feel so at sixes and sevens around him. Her voice was far from firm, and her weakening legs reflected her unease. Ryan seemed stiff and tentative, too. He’d remained rooted at the door until she invited him inside with a nervous gesture. It was obvious that they were both trying to gingerly feel their way around the ever changing situation.
“Sure, why not?” He didn’t sit down, instead heading straight to the windows that overlooked Rittenhouse Square below.
Taylor fixed his coffee exactly the way he liked it—with just a touch of half and half—and poured one for herself, too. When she got back to the living room, Ryan stood with his back to the window, tapping his fingers against his thigh in what looked like a serious case of nerves.
Welcome to the club, my friend.
“So?” Taylor didn’t know how else to start the conversation. The ball was in his court—on everything. She set the mugs down on the table and sat in one of the armchairs, hoping he’d follow. It was too weird just to keep standing there.
A few moments later, Ryan finally sat down on the sofa, several feet away from her. “Dev told me about this Friends School thing. I haven’t seen her so excited about anything in years, and sure as hell not about school.” He gave her a hint of a wary smile. “You must have done quite a sales job on her.”
Taylor figured that Devon’s situation was going to be a preliminary round before the main event, so her muscles remained as tense as ever despite his soft tone. Devon wasn’t the reason Ryan had wanted to talk to her alone this morning.
But at least he didn’t look pissed off that she’d pushed herself into his daughter’s school situation. It was a risky move on her part, but she knew she had to take it. Devon was a great kid with huge natural ability and a good heart underneath her prickly exterior. It surprised Taylor how much she wanted to see her thrive.
She managed a smile. “We passed the school on our way out of the city yesterday, and I just got to talking about it. Seemed like a good thing to discuss, given her situation. So, I told her how happy I was at Friends, and that I thought she could feel at home there, too. It’s very strong academically, and they emphasize core values like kindness and compassion, and personal responsibility.”
“I like the sound of that. But do you really think they’d accept her this late in the year?”
“According to the people I talked to, there’s a very good chance.” Taylor couldn’t help but feel a measure of pride in the way her former mentor at Friends had gone to bat for Devon.
Ryan looked pretty stunned, setting down his coffee cup to rub the back of his neck. “And she even said she’d go back to Edenwood and face the music. Though I guess that isn’t as big a deal anymore if she transfers out anyway.”
That wasn’t the way Taylor saw it. “Actually, I think it’s a very big deal. You know how proud Devon is. For her to go back there and face those girls—and probably their parents—is going to be humiliating. And if the school doles out some kind of punishment, that’ll go on her record here, too. Friends will hopefully admit her despite that black mark, but if she screwed up again, I doubt she’d be given another chance.”
Ryan gave her a hooded look that seemed skeptical and yet hopeful, too. “I hope she gets that.”
“She does. We talked about the whole thing for hours and hours, both yesterday and this morning. She gets it.” Devon might tend to hold back her true feelings from her father, but Taylor had little doubt that the girl had meant what she’d said to her.
He let out a disbelieving laugh and shook his head. “That’s amazing. Then it looks like I owe you, Taylor. I can see some hurdles left to jump over, but I’m starting to think this idea just might work. Dev obviously wants it to. And, hell, it’d be great to have her home again full-time, if I can manage it.”
Taylor finally let herself start to relax, flashing a smile at Ryan. “I told her she was more than welcome to stay with me as often as she wants when you’re on the road and I’m not.” Okay, that might be presumptuous on her part, but she meant it sincerely, regardless of what might or might not happen between her and Ryan. “I hope I wasn’t too much out of line telling her that. If you’re uncomfortable about it…”
He waved a hand. “She mentioned it, and it was incredibly generous of you to offer.” Then his gaze darted away from her. “But let’s leave that discussion for now, because we shouldn’t get too far ahead of ourselves.”
Oh, shit, what does that mean?
Words like those had always seemed to Taylor to be weak code for I’m just not that into you. A sick feeling invaded her stomach.
That instant, gut-wrenching reaction was all the confirmation she needed of her hope that this weekend would in some way bridge the gap between the two of them, or at least make a start. She wanted to be with Ryan again. It was so painfully obvious in her every thought, her every reaction, that further denial would simply be wilful delusion. While the obstacles to having any kind of lasting relationship with him remained as huge as ever—her rational mind understood that with utter clarity—somehow they no longer seemed impossibly threatening. It was almost as if she’d been anesthetized against the risks involved.
Or maybe she’d simply gotten drunk on the idea of him. Would she sober up, though, or was this a permanent condition?
But the question was probably moot, anyway, since Ryan seemed to have just thrown a bucket of cold water on her hopes.
“Okay.” That was all she could manage.
Ryan didn’t miss the effect of his words on her. “Taylor, look. Don’t think I don’t appreciate everything you’re doing. It’s amazing, and I can’t thank you enough.”
Only an idiot wouldn’t know that there was a but coming. “You’re welcome. I’m happy to do whatever I can to help Devon. And you need to know that I did it for her as much as for you.” She gave herself a mental pat on the back for the steadiness of her tone.
He smiled, but it was tight, and his jaw line hardened. “Great, but there’s something else we need to talk about.”
“Go on,” Taylor said, trying to steel herself for the rejection she could sense hurtling right at her.
“On the plane ride home last night, Dembinski made a point of coming back to talk to me. He actually kicked Marriner out of his seat so he could sit beside me.”
That threw her off her stride. “Politely, I hope,” she said with a nervous smile. Where is this going?
Ryan responded with a grimace. “He started out by saying I’d had a pretty good series then asked me if I’d had any yips.”
It was no surprise that Dembinski would have put that question to him, but Taylor didn’t say anything. She absolutely did not want to reprise that discussion.
“When I said no,” Ryan went on, “he told me everybody was satisfied with how I’d played—him, Ault, Delgado.”
But for having just received such a vote of confidence, he didn’t look happy. “Then what happened?”
“Then he laid the kicker on me.”
Taylor wanted to jump across the coffee table, grab him by the shoulders and shake the words out of his mouth. “And what was that?” she gritted out.
His mouth turned down at the edges. “He said that your idea to make me go to that New York guy was an over-reaction. And then he said I shouldn’t have to miss any more games because the team needs my bat in the lineup.”
She gasped, as if all the air had been sucked out of her lungs. Man, talk about a sucker punch. She could barely breathe.
“Yeah, exactly,” Ryan said with a growl, looking royally pissed off. “The son of a bitch. I hate like hell to have to tell you that, but I figured you needed to know. That you’d want to know.” He gave her a sympathetic grimace. “Believe me, Taylor. I wanted to slug Dembinski for undercutting you like that.”
Taylor’s emotions whipsawed back and forth, between fury at Dembinski and pleasure that Ryan had wanted to leap to her defense. Ryan obviously understood what the GM’s cutting remark meant. It wasn’t just that her boss thought she’d been wrong about an important player matter. The real blow was that he’d undercut her, to use Ryan’s words. It was incredible. To diss her like that, and to the very player in question, courted disastrous consequences both for her personally and for her relationship with the players and staff. What if Ryan blabbed about it to his teammates? She had faith that he wouldn’t, but with any other player she’d have enjoyed no such confidence.
No, every way she looked at what Dembinski had done, it was wrong. Her general manager had made it clear that he lacked full confidence in her. At the same time, Taylor’s confidence in him had suffered a shattering blow. And, dammit, if Dembinski felt that way, he should have had the guts to tell her first instead of blabbing to a player. It felt like someone had just kicked her in the gut.
Taylor swallowed against the gigantic lump that had formed in her throat. “You were right to tell me. Thank you.” She tried to give him a self-deprecating smile but couldn’t quite make it. “I don’t know what else to say, other than that I’m devastated.”
“I know. It’s not a great sign.” He reached out a hand as he saw her struggle. “Come here, babe.”
Out of pure instinct, Taylor grasped his hand and slid around the low coffee table, plopping down next to him on the sofa. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her tight against his hard but welcoming body. She choked back tears, determined not to cry. But the humiliation and dismay ate at her, hollowing her out. Everything she’d work so hard for seemed to be slipping from her grasp.
“I know, babe. I know.” Ryan hugged her close as she nestled into the warmth of his side. He smelled like the spicy soap he used, and like leather, too. It was achingly familiar.
“You know what it’s going to be like to work with him now, don’t you?” She forced out in a tight voice. “Knowing not just that he doesn’t have confidence in me, but that he has so little regard for me, too?”
Ryan made a gently scoffing sound. “The guy’s been a jerk from birth, from what I hear. And something of a loose cannon. Maybe he just wasn’t thinking when he said that. He was pretty juiced up over the road wins, and maybe it was mostly the drinks talking. He’d be a first-class moron not to have confidence in you.”
He reached up and stroked a hand over her hair, trailing his fingers down her neck. Even with all the pain in her heart, it felt good. So good.
God bless Ryan for trying to ease her anxiety, but Taylor knew Dembinski better than he did. The GM wasn’t a loose cannon, at least not in that way. No, he’d deliberately chosen to deliver a message to Taylor and to do it in the most hurtful way possible—through the man he knew she’d been involved with.
Well, Taylor, you decided to play with fire, so you shouldn’t be surprised when you ended up getting burned.
She could hear Dembinski saying those very words if she decided to confront him. That was exactly what he’d have thought about her and Ryan getting involved.
“There’s something else,” Ryan said.
Taylor lifted her head to look at him. “Shit, really?”
He grimaced and pressed her back into his embrace, resting his chin on top of her skull. “When I said that I knew you were just doing what you believed was best for the team, he gave me this rat-faced look and then brought up the fact that we’d been seeing each other. He said it was no secret around the team.” Ryan inhaled deeply, as if it was painful for him to talk about. “Then he said he’d heard it was over between us, and that was a good thing for both our sakes.”
Though Taylor didn’t want to leave the comfort of his side, the anger surging through her forced her to move. She pulled from his arms but swung her body around so she could face him directly, and tucked her leg underneath her. “Trust me, this has nothing—or at least damn little—to do with you, Ryan. This is all about punishing me for getting involved with a player.”
His eyes told her he understood that very well. “I’m sorry, Taylor. I never should have pushed you the way I did.”
“You didn’t push me.” She shook her head as her flagging courage revived. “I knew what I was doing. I’m just sorry and mad as hell that Dembinski didn’t confront me directly. The way he did this to me—and to you—just sucks, and I don’t know how I’m going to be able to work with him anymore.”
“I don’t know if you want any advice from me, but…” Ryan didn’t finish.
“Of course, I do.” Unable to sit still any longer, she got up and stood before him, her hands on her hips. If Dembinski had been standing in front of her right now, she didn’t think she could hold back from popping him in his big, fat mouth. “Go ahead. Please.”
He leaned forward, planting his corded forearms on his thighs. “Look, if it was me, I’d have it out with him. Man to man. Tell him exactly what I thought of what he’d done, and ask him how you’re supposed to work together from now on. Make him try to justify what he’s done, because I don’t think he can.”
Taylor pondered that. Her instincts told her to go with it, though she knew it would seriously risk getting her ass fired in the process.
“By the way, I more or less told Dembinski to f*ck off,” Ryan said with a little snort. “After he said that it was a good thing for both our sakes that it was over between us.”
His words sent her anxiety roaring back—anxiety for Ryan. “God love you for that, but he won’t forget that you called him on it.”
“Yeah, well, he can lord it over you,” he said with a narrowed gaze, “but I don’t think he’d do something stupid that might hurt the team just so he could get at me.”
He studied her for a few moments and then came slowly to his feet. He rested one hand on her shoulder, using the other to tilt her chin up. “I’ll be honest with you, babe. When we left for Miami, I was convinced that I had no choice but to get out of Philly. Either force a trade to an AL team, or take my chances by demanding my release. The only decent future I could see was to go somewhere as a DH, and forget about trying to make myself into something I’m not.”
Taylor gasped. “But—”
He put a gentle finger to her lips. “Let me finish, okay? I had a decent series down there, and maybe I’ve even fooled Dembinski and Ault for a while. But I can’t let myself be fooled anymore. I can’t throw because something’s wrong with me. Something bad, and it’s not getting better. You’ve known it for a long time, and so have I. The difference between us is that I couldn’t admit it. I just couldn’t.”
The bitterness and pain on his face told her how hard it had been for him to accept that truth. Taylor grasped his free hand and squeezed, her heart thudding so hard she could barely breathe.
“But when Dembinski did that to you—and when he basically threatened both of us—something in my head finally clicked. I knew right then that I didn’t want to run away from the problem. Shit, I’m tired of running from my problems, or just trying to manage them enough to keep everything from falling apart. Dembinski can go to hell, because I intend to stay right here with the Patriots for as long as I can. And what’s happening now with Devon makes it even more important that I try. Philadelphia is a good solution for us, even more so now that she might be able to go to school here.”
Taylor’s heart soared that he wanted to stay, but she had a dozen questions for him, starting with “What about us?”
But that enormous one got stuck in her throat. She could both see and feel the tension radiating from his big body as his hand gripped her shoulder tight enough to almost be painful. His neck muscles looked like thick ropes.
He gave a grim nod. “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I want to go see that doctor of yours in New York.” He forced a little chuckle. “I guess I must be a contrarian, huh? Now that I don’t have to go, I want to.”
Taylor let his hand go and slid her arms around his waist, pressing her face into his soft tee shirt, relishing the feel of his solid chest under her cheek. “I don’t care why you changed your mind. I’m just so glad you did.”
He hugged her, his hands down low—just above her ass—and drew her even harder against him. His cock, huge and rock-hard, pressed into her belly, and the feel of it sent a flood of relief and need surging through her veins.
“I want to stay here,” he said in a low voice, cradling her close. “And I want to be with you. But if that could cost you your job, or wreck your career here...”
She raised herself onto her tiptoes and kissed him quick and hard on the lips, her hand yanking his shirt out of his jeans. “That’s enough talking. Right now, I can think of much better ways we can communicate.”