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chapter 21: Last Second Plans

Jude’s phone had buzzed so many times in the last hour that he’d finally turned it off. Marq was freaking out about something, but Jude didn’t have time for him right now. He was finally making progress with Indigo, and though they still hadn’t talked about what had happened at O’Reilly’s, she’d let him come along when she’d met with her mother.

That felt huge.

Jude kept the camera at his side, moving it from place to place when the conversation lulled.

“…so I was a hostess for a while,” Indigo said. “I met my friend, Shireese, at the place where I worked. She was there on mornings, cleaning; I worked nights, and we kind of hit it off. We’re roommates now. She’s sort of like a big sister sometimes. Takes care of me.” Indigo glanced at Jude, dropping her eyes almost immediately.

“She sounds nice,” Sherry said, voice wavering.

“She is,” Indigo replied. “She’s part of the reason I went back to school. She kept harping about how I could do something better with my life. That I should think ahead…”

Indigo was saying things without directly saying them, and Jude wondered if her mother even realized that. It struck him that he’d made the exact same assumptions in the time he’d known her. That sometimes it was just easier not to see what was there.

“…and in this class I’m in,” Indigo continued, “we had to do a documentary, but I didn’t really have any pictures or anything.” She nodded to Jude. “And then Jude had this idea of finding you.”

Jude smiled, and Indigo smiled back, and he began to hope.

“If you need pictures,” Sherry said, standing up from the couch, “then just give me a second.”

She headed out of the room, leaving the two of them behind. Jude reached out, turning off the camera. Somewhere in the distant room, drawers were being pulled opened and closed again. Indigo fiddled with the seam of her jeans, running her nails along the crease.

“Your mom seems nice,” Jude said.

“Yeah,” she said. “Kind of weird to see her after all that time, you know?”

Jude nodded just as a door in the distance closed. Seconds later, Sherry Sykes appeared carrying a baby’s photo album in one hand. Jude flicked on the camera again as she sat down on the couch next to her daughter. Side by side, Jude realized, the similarities between the two of them were striking despite the differences in their coloring: lean build and fine features, but especially their eyes. Indigo’s mother looked like a sibling rather than a parent.

“There it is, Indie,” Sherry said, smiling. “I… I never finished it, so only the first few pages have pictures. I always meant to do the rest, but after you were gone, well, it just hurt too much to look at them.”

Indigo stared at the album in her hands.

“Thanks, Mom,” she choked out.

Her mother reached for her, pulling Indigo into an awkward sideways hug.

“I’m glad you came back,” she whispered hoarsely. “I missed you.”

Indigo nodded, turning her face into her mother’s shoulder.

“Missed you too.”

: : : : : : : : : :

It was dark when Cal came out of the university, the security lights casting spectral shadows through the leafless trees. He flipped up his collar, footsteps crunching through snow as he walked toward the parking garage. He’d spent all day hoping that Marq Lopez would call him again, but whatever he’d said had spooked him. Cal had phoned twice, only to get his answering machine. This should be an easy request, but everything seemed to be conspiring to stop him. He sighed, running a hand over his face, surprised to feel how stubbled his chin was. Whether he intended it or not, it was happening again. Indigo drew out the hidden side of him that scared him… the side that said ‘screw the consequences’ and took the risks that the public Professor Woodrow never did.

He grimaced. Maybe searching for Jude Alden wasn’t such a good idea. Indigo would be furious if she ever found out. His shoulders slumped as another came to mind: ‘Maybe it’s time to let her go…’

Reaching the entrance to the parking garage, Cal waved at the guard inside the tollbooth before heading up the stairs to the second level. His feet slowed as he neared his parking spot. Sometime in between this afternoon and now, one of the lights in this corner of the garage had burned out. It was yet another annoyance in a day full of them. He ground his teeth, temper rising; some days you were better off staying in bed.

With a muttered swear, Cal lifted his keys from his pocket, unlocking the door with the key fob, and pulling it open. The leather crackled as he slid into the driver’s seat, slamming the door behind him. With the windows frosted white, Cal started the car, hitting defrost before settling back into the seat.

Something shifted in the shadows behind him. Cal’s eyes jumped to the rear-view mirror. A blond man with a knife was waiting behind him, the blade inches from Cal’s throat.

“Don’t move, Professor,” he growled. “You and I have some business to attend to.”

: : : : : : : : : :

Indigo was quiet all the way back to the station. She sat in the train, head tipped up against the glass, her eyes lost in the middle distance. Jude waited for her to say something about meeting her mother, but she seemed content to simply hold his hand. Whatever had unfolded today had changed things for her, and Jude was still struggling to figure out exactly where he fit into it all. He smiled, looking down at their entwined fingers.

At least for now, she was letting him stay.

“You okay?” He’d said the same thing many times today, but it was all he could think to say.

She shrugged, and Jude ran his thumb over her knuckles, wanting somehow to make it better but not knowing how. For now, his hand, warm around hers, would have to say all the things he couldn’t. He leaned closer, wondering what he would say to his own father, if life had given him a second chance. Would he apologize for all the stupid fights? For the arguments that had robbed them of the time they’d been given? Rage at his father for not calling him instead of his ex-wife, when that gut-churning feeling of terror had overcome him? Or would Jude sit and cry, glad for one more moment together? Jude sighed, the old ache nearer than it’d been in years. His own past was mild in comparison to Indigo’s, but they both carried the same anger and irresponsibility.

They’d just followed it in different ways.

Luca’s voice intruded. 'She stole my wallet at a rave. I caught her, of course, but when I saw her face, it seemed a pity to let that go to waste.’ He winced, thinking of what else that statement held, the lost innocence.

Jude leaned closer. “I’m glad you let me come along,” he whispered.

Indigo turned from the window, smiling wanly. “Me too.”

Reaching the station, Indigo pulled on her backpack and headed off the train, Jude at her side. Outside it was already dark, streetlights twinkling like a necklace along the street. New snow had thrown a blanket over rooftops, the air heavy with fat white flakes. Her eyes drifted upward. For several heartbeats, she didn’t speak, the lingering silence making her words more weighty when they appeared.

“When I ran away the second time,” she said, eyes on the circles of light in the snowy sky. “I had no intention of going home again. I grifted for a while. Squeegeed windows, sold pot, panhandled, stole, slept outside. Whatever I needed to do, to get by.” She looked over at him. In the winter darkness, her eyes were so blue they were bottomless. “And then one day,” she said quietly, “I met Luca Brin.”

Jude shivered. This was the part where her story changed.

“He told me that I could make more money than I could ever imagine, and all I needed to do was this one thing.” She smiled, but it was brittle. “And so I did it… and I didn’t stop for a long time.” Indigo turned away from Jude, staring at the street. “I’m not proud of it, and I wish it hadn’t happened, but I did what I had to do to get by. And I don’t expect people to understand, because they weren’t there.” She turned back to him, features sharpened by anger. “They don’t know what it’s like, Jude. You don’t know. But that’s the truth of it, and if you can’t handle that, then you need to walk away.”

Jude moved closer, his arms wrapping around her. He wanted to make all of this history disappear, to change what had happened to her, but the only thing he could offer was himself. He pressed his face to her hair, his hands tight against her back. She was stiff against him, allowing herself to be held, but not participating.

“I love you, Indigo,” he whispered. “Love you so much.”

She made a choking sound, twisting so she could see him. Her eyes were anguished, brows drawn together in pain.

“Why?” she cried.

Jude shrugged.

“I dunno, I just do,” he said, reaching up to stroke her cheek. “Doesn’t matter how it happened.”

She shook her head. “You shouldn’t.”

“Why?” Jude said. “Because you’re a survivor? ‘Cause you did what you had to do?”

“No,” she said bitterly. “’Cause I f*ck things up. It’s what I do! Just ask Shireese.”

“And so what if you do?” he argued. “I have totally f*cked up my life! I am so messed up, I don’t even know how the hell I’m gonna fix it, but when I think about what matters, it always come back to you. I love you, and it doesn’t have to make sense.”

Indigo sniffled, a line of unshed tears glimmering along her lower lashes.

“My mom said you seemed nice,” she said with sobbing laugh.

Jude grinned. “Yeah, well, I’ve spent a long time learning to fake that.”

His hand slid into her hair, pulling her closer. “Give me one more chance,” he whispered. “A control ‘Z’ on the last week. I’ll do better, Indigo. I promise, just let me show you.”

She gave him a teary smile, and Jude leaned down, kissing her.

They headed back to Marq’s apartment, hand in hand. Jude flicked on his phone, scrolling past ten separate text messages from Marq, asking where he was. He typed a one-handed reply.

Just got back. Everything okay?

There was no answer.

When he and Indigo reached the apartment, it was empty. It was Saturday night, so Jude assumed that Marq was out partying. They kicked off their snowy shoes into a pile in the corner before running, laughing, to Jude’s room.

Indigo moved toward him the moment they were inside. Her cheeks and chin were cold, but her lips were warm as she kissed him. She tugged at his shirt, pulling impatiently until he shrugged it off. Jude broke the kiss to pull her sweater and bra away, his mouth falling back to her skin once it was bare.

He wanted to kiss her everywhere, his fingers roving where his mouth couldn’t be. Indigo undid his belt, pulling it with a snap from his belt loops and throwing it to the floor. Next was the button of his pants; Jude groaned as her fingers brushed below the waistband, his body crackling with electricity wherever she touched him. His pants slid down to pool on the floor, his boxers following, but Jude caught her wrists before Indigo could touch him, leading her to the bed instead.

She slipped out of her jeans and panties, kicking off her socks and laying down on the duvet. Just the sight of her was enough to leave him groaning, the thought of being with her again almost too much to manage. Indigo’d always been beautiful, but today she’d let him follow her into her past, and that added another layer to what he knew of her. Vulnerability, along with the long limbs and high breasts.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmured.

Jude grabbed a condom from his sock drawer and lay down alongside her. He kissed her hard, his tongue exploring her mouth while his hands traced over her body, memorizing her curves by feel. His fingers teased, drifting lazily over some spots, pinching others, her gasps and sighs guiding his exploration. When Indigo’s pants had become moans, Jude broke the kiss to suck and nip his way to her breasts.

His tongue swirled over one peak, before taking it into his mouth and suckling hard. Indigo gasped and he moved to the other. As her pants grew impatient, his tongue slid along her ribs, then moved lower. He nestled between her thighs, hitching one leg over his shoulder to give himself room. Indigo was squirming underneath him, her fingers tight in his hair. He tasted her, salt-sweet and warm, his tongue lapping in gentle circles, paced by her cries. He could feel her tensing under him, hips bucking. When Jude glanced up, she had one hand fisted in the sheets, the other painfully tight where she held his hair.

“Please,” she gasped, her mouth a pink ‘o’ of desire.

Jude moved up on top of her, feeling her slide her legs around his hips, urging him nearer. He gasped as he bumped up against her wet heat, his body jumping from readiness to a sudden, desperate need for release, in a single heartbeat. Indigo wrapped her hands over his shoulders, her mouth moving against his neck, nails scoring the skin of his back. She began to rock and move underneath him, desire making her caresses rough and reckless. He groaned as her hips shifted and he slid barely inside. Jude lifted his head, holding her gaze as he leaned forward, burying himself fully in her.

She gasped, lashes fluttering closed as he began to move. Groaning with the onslaught of sensation, Jude fought for control. He could feel her tightening around him with each thrust, small pants rising to moans as he set a gruelling pace. He dropped his hand down, pushing between their bodies until he could touch her. Her breath hitched as he hit the right spot, the sound of her cries almost pushing him over the edge. Indigo’s legs jerked where they wrapped him, her body seeming to tighten down even further.

“Oh God, Jude!” she panted. “Please!”

He pushed harder, determined to please her. Suddenly Indigo cried out, her back arching, a series of internal shudders marking her climax. Jude’s breath caught in his throat, the sensation gripping him and throwing him over the abyss with her. He thrust a few last times, ecstasy spiralling down into a moment so bright he couldn’t think. With a final groan, he collapsed on top of her, panting against her neck. Indigo was soft and liquid in his arms, their bodies tangled together. There was no beginning and end to each other, just one.

With a sigh, Jude slid away, pulling her into the circle of his arms. There was an endless list of things he should be doing, but right now, he just wanted to let this moment last a little longer. He reached out, brushing a spray of hair off her cheek, and she moved into the motion, rather than away.

“I love you, Indigo,” Jude sighed.

“Love you too.”

Jude smiled, pressing a kiss to her forehead. Indigo’s eyes drooped slowly, breath slowing. When she seemed almost asleep, Jude rolled over, meaning to get up and double check that he’d locked the front door, but Indigo jerked awake. She grabbed his hand as he sat up.

“Stay,” she whispered.

Jude lay back down, pulling her into his arms, his chest tight with emotion.

“Go back to sleep,” he whispered. “I’m not going anywhere.”

: : : : : : : : : :

Jude was sound asleep when Marq texted again. Jude lifted his head, squinting bleary-eyed, at the phone’s display.

Jude, where are you? I need to talk!

Jude fumbled his way to the side of the bed, concern rising. Marq hardly ever called him by his first name, except if he was worried or in trouble. Junior year of college, Marq had texted ‘Jude’ from the back of a police cruiser. A three a.m. text on a Sunday morning, after a day of panicked messages did not reassure him. He slid away from Indigo’s side, careful not to waken her. He slipped on his pants and a shirt, tiptoeing out of the bedroom, before tapping out a reply.

Got your texts today, but I couldn’t answer them. Sorry, man. You okay?

Marq’s reply was impossibly fast.

No. We need to talk NOW!

Jude’s eyes widened. He glanced at the closed door of the bedroom, then back at his phone.

Where are you?

He was almost certain that the police would be involved. His mind was shuffling through details – how fast he could access money for bail on a Sunday, and if the lawyer who defended Marq in college would be available – when the next text appeared.

My car’s waiting on the street. Hurry up!

Jude stood for a moment, undecided. Whatever it was, it had to be important, but something about it was niggling at the back of Jude’s mind, telling him to wake Indigo. Problem was, this was Marq. He and Indigo didn’t get along at the best of times.

Jude lifted up his phone, answering.

Hold on. I’ll be down in a sec.

Jude turned to look around the kitchen. Marq had a yellow sticky note pad by the phone with “call Keith back” scribbled on the top. Jude pulled it off, throwing it into the garbage, before grabbing a pen.

Indigo,

Something’s up with Marq. Had to run out for a sec.

Sorry! Back as soon as I can.

Jude

He had made it to the foyer when he suddenly turned back around. He walked back to the counter, adding one last item to the bottom of the note.

P.S. I love you.

He stuck the yellow sticky on the apartment door and closed it quietly behind him. In less than five minutes he was standing outside the building, looking up and down the snow-covered road, searching for Marq’s car. At the far end of the street a vehicle was idling, a pair of headlights blinding Jude with their intensity. He walked away from the entrance of the apartment, squinting into the light. It might be Marq’s car, but Jude couldn’t tell.

“C’mon, Marq,” Jude muttered, his teeth beginning to chatter. “Where are you?”

He took a few steps more, his feet leading him toward the gaping mouth of an alley. From inside the darkness, the sound of a single footstep broke the silence.

Jude spun around, heart pounding. His eyes widened in horror at what he saw. A few feet away from him stood Patel, his gun trained on Jude’s chest. His mind began to scramble, and then completely went silent.

There was nowhere to run.

Patel smiled, his teeth a white gleam in the shadows.

“Game’s over, Mr. Alden.”