Her wide eyes were so dark they were nearly black, and her bangs landed just above them. Her long chestnut hair hung over her shoulder in a thick braid. She wore shabby leggings and a patterned long-sleeve thermal shirt, and I felt a tad envious knowing that she’d slept in a nice bed in a warm house while I was out sleeping in the storm.
Her mouth spread into a toothy grin. “I can’t believe it’s really you.”
“I know. It’s crazy.”
We’d been apart for long periods of time before. I’d gone on missions tracking changelings, and so had she. But this time it felt different. So much had happened, and neither of us was sure that we’d ever see each other again.
And then, since she couldn’t contain herself, Ember hugged me again, and this time I was able to hug her back.
“I’m not going with you,” she said softly, still hugging me.
I let go and pulled back. “What? Why the hell not?”
“I can’t.” She shook her head. “I don’t have time to explain it all, but I can’t. I have to stay here and help the people that are left behind.”
“Ember, you’re being ridiculous. Did Finn tell you about all the soldiers we have stationed out beyond the hill?” I asked. “It’s going to be brutal here. You could die.”
“I know, I do, but that’s exactly why I have to stay,” she said with a sad smile. “I can’t leave everyone defenseless. Tilda and Kasper’s families are still here, not to mention Juni Sk?ld, Simon Bohlin, and Linus Berling, and so many other of our friends.” She paused. “I won’t leave Delilah.”
“Delilah?” I asked, and then I remembered.
The Marksinna whom Ember had been training with before. When I’d still been here, it had only seemed like a flirtation, but by the conviction I heard in Ember’s voice, I guessed that their relationship had turned into something more.
“Ember, you can’t risk your life for someone like this. You need to do what you must to survive. That’s what Delilah would want, if she really cares about you.”
“Of course I can, and I will,” Ember replied simply. “I love her.”
“That’s great, but—”
“I don’t expect you to understand. I know that you’d never sacrifice anything for love,” she said, sounding almost as if she pitied me. “For honor, for loyalty, for the kingdom, you’d give up anything. But love . . . you never had time for that.”
Her words stung, probably harder than she’d meant them to, like a knife cutting straight through my heart. I wanted to argue with her, to tell her that I loved, that I loved very deeply. And not just her and Tilda and my parents, but Ridley and Konstantin.
It wasn’t that I didn’t have time for love, or that I wouldn’t sacrifice for it. I had just been so afraid that I would lose myself and my place in the world, the way my mom had, the way Ember’s mom had, and the way I had seen so many other women do before her. I refused to be sidelined by romance.
But when it came down to it, I would give anything for love. I would lay my life down for Ridley, if it meant I could spare him pain.
That’s when I realized there was no point in arguing with Ember. Just as no one would be able to change my mind when it came to protecting those that I cared about, I wouldn’t be able to change hers. Besides, Ember was nothing if not stubborn and loyal.
“You have to be careful,” I told her finally. “All hell is going to break loose here.”
“I know. You should go, before they start noticing that people are missing,” Ember said. Then she suddenly exclaimed and jumped to her feet. “You’re here!”
“Yeah?” I stared up uncertainly. “I’ve been here for a couple minutes.”
“No, I mean—just wait.” She turned and dashed back into her bedroom. A few seconds later, she came back carrying a handful of envelopes. “You can read these.”
I took them from her, and as I flipped through them, I saw that Bryn had been handwritten on each one. “What are these?”
“I wrote to you while you were gone, but I didn’t mail them because I had no idea where to send them.” She stood with her arms folded over her chest. “Also, the H?gdragen are checking all the mail going in and out, so that wouldn’t have gone over well.”
“Thanks, Ember.” I stood up. “That was really nice of you.”
She shrugged. “I missed you, and it was the only way I could talk to you.”
“I missed you too.” I smiled at her, and I tucked the letters in the back of my pants, next to the dagger, safely protected from the elements. “But I should go now.”
“I don’t know when I’ll see you again,” Ember said, and there was a hesitance on the word when, since it really should’ve been if. “Take care.”
“You too.”
I walked out of her house onto the balcony. I hung over the edge, and then dropped down carefully into the yard. I took a step backward and looked up to watch Ember closing the French doors.
Then I turned around and ran right smack into Ridley who smartly put his hand over my mouth to prevent me from screaming.
“What are you doing here?” I hissed when he removed his hand.
“Looking for you. Finn told me you went back to get Ember, and I didn’t want to leave you behind.”