Dear Bryn—
Everyone’s gone and left, and it’s lonely without you all. Not that I blame Tilda and Ridley for getting out of here, especially not after what happened to Ridley. But with all of you gone again, the isolation feels so much more intense.
Thankfully, Delilah is still here. (She has become my rock, my light, my only salvation in this claustrophobic cage. Last night, I snuck into her room, carefully and quietly so none of the guards keeping watch would catch me. We went under the covers in her bed, hiding away from everything around us, and by the dim glow of the flashlight, we read poems by Gustaf Fr?ding, Karin Boye, and P?r Lagerkvist, and her Swedish is so beautiful to hear. Forgive me if I’m a little verbose today.)
I’m sorry for rambling on so much about Delilah. I could go on for pages and pages about the beauty of her eyes and the scent of her hair and the strength of her spirit and the warmth of her arms and the taste of her lips . . . But I’m not writing you to go on about her forever (though I could). It’s just the only time I feel even close to free anymore is when I’m with her.
It is so contradictory that life can be the worst it’s ever been and the best it’s ever been all at once. It’s strange how love can blossom even in the darkest places.
And it certainly is dark here in Doldastam, and not just because you and Tilda are gone. I know I could’ve gone with Ridley the way Tilda did, and maybe I should’ve. My mom would’ve preferred it if I had.
Four years ago, we left F?rening to escape all the turmoil there. We chose Doldastam because my mom’s sister lived here with her husband, and it seemed like a quiet, safe place to live. My mom is starting to believe that there isn’t a quiet, safe place in the entire troll kingdom, and at night, when she thinks I can’t hear, she whispers to my dad about fleeing to live among the humans.
I wonder how you’re finding F?rening. It’s been so long since I’ve been there. Are you sleeping in my old room? Finn says he hasn’t repainted my room yet, so I hope you’re enjoying the blotchy clouds I painted years ago.
Maybe I should have left with Delilah, gone back to my old room, gotten away from here. I’d certainly love to see Finn and Mia and the kids. But I couldn’t go.
Not just because of Delilah, or even Linus Berling. I’ve been training with him as often as I can, and while he tries harder than anyone I’ve ever met, I still feel like he can’t protect himself. And I know there’s other people like him here
For every Astrid Eckwell (who is a star pupil under the Queen’s new paranoia campaign), there is a Linus Berling. And for every townsperson that screams about stringing up traitors like you, there is a Juni Sk?ld, disobeying the wishes of the town by still serving your parents in her bakery. (They have, unfortunately, been blacklisted from most of the shops here.)
There are still good people here, and they need someone like me to help them when it comes time to fight. I don’t know when that will happen, but I feel it’s gotta happen soon. I don’t know how much more we can take of this.
Every day things get worse. Yesterday, Omte guards started appearing around town. You know how huge the Omte can get—all of them are over six foot, some over seven, with big heads and muscles bulging out everywhere. Apparently, where they’re from is incredibly warm, and they’re having a hard time handling the cold, so they’re all bulked in winter jackets and hats and scarves even though it reached the forties.
Even with their ridiculous gear, it doesn’t make them any less intimidating. They stomp around the cobblestones like they own the damn place. I’ve actually seen children cry at the sight of them.
Queen Mina held another meeting in the town square after they’d arrived. She stood on the balcony of the clock tower, still wearing all black, including this odd birdcage veil over her eyes. The Omte had arrived unannounced, and by the time she called the meeting, everyone was on edge and scared.
In her grandiose way, with lots of arm gestures and her fake British accent that annoys you so much, Mina explained that the Omte had come here to help protect us. We have so many enemies we needed a stronger guard.
(Though she didn’t specify who any of these enemies were, and she hasn’t mentioned the name Viktor D?lig in quite some time—apparently he’s no longer a threat? Just you and Konstantin Black. And now the Skojare, apparently, but I’m getting ahead of myself.)