“This doesn’t matter,” I said softly. “I can know what happened for him to leave me. Hell, maybe I could even understand. But it wouldn’t matter. I am who I am now. No going back.”
“There’s never any going back. But you’re not talking about that. You’re talking about not moving forward.”
I shook my head.
“You are, Sylvie,” Anya stated firmly. “You’re digging in and staying there. This isn’t about history. This is about what could be.”
“Even if he could explain shit, it’ll always be between us.”
“Only if you let it be.”
I laughed without humor.
“You’re scared,” she whispered and I turned my head back to her shadow.
“Fuck yeah,” I whispered back.
“He left and your life unraveled.”
“Yup.”
“You can’t do that again.”
“Nope.”
She sat back and again fell silent.
I looked back to the night.
We remained quiet a long time.
I broke it this time.
“I’m being a bad hostess. You want a drink?”
She stood. “Some other time, honey. I should get home to my family.”
Her family.
She was a lucky bitch. Fortunately, she knew it.
“You mind if I don’t see you out?” I asked.
There was a smile in her voice when she replied, “Not at all.”
“Thanks for stopping by, Anya. Tell Knight I’m cool. All systems go tomorrow.”
“I’ll tell him.”
I watched her walk to the darkened kitchen doorway as I stroked Gun.
Her shadow didn’t disappear through it. It stopped and I knew she was turning back to me.
“One last thing, Sylvie. When I leave, I want you to think about your life right now. I know you like it. I know you’ve got people close to you. I know you have fun. But I want you to think of your happiest memory, the happiest in your whole life. Then I want you to compare it to the life you live now without Tucker Creed. My guess, your happiest memory includes him. My guess, even with that shit between you, you give it a shot, you’ll go from the life you live now, that you like, to something else. Something bigger, richer, better, happier. And you know it. You’re just scared to lose it because you lost it once. Then, after all that, think about what your life would be if he was never in it. You’d never met. He’d never touched it. Then, honey, ask yourself how you would feel if you didn’t have those moments. Last, I hope you’ll come to the realization that, this time around, you’re making the deliberate choice not to take a chance in order to have that beauty.”
I stared at the shadowed door long after her silhouette left it but I didn’t see dark shadows. I saw sunny days, the lake, the pier, blankets over grass, young bodies rolling on them, tangled, twin beds in dark rooms that barely fit two bodies, whispered conversations, holding close.
My hands curled around Gun as my legs uncurled from the chair. I set my feet on the floor as I cuddled her close and walked through my dark house to my bedroom. I didn’t bother with a light. I just dropped Gun gently on my bed and dug through my clothes on the floor until I found my jeans from last night.
I dug my phone out of the back pocket.
I flipped it open and the light from the screen made me wince.
I went to my phonebook, scrolled down and hit go.
I put it to my ear as my eyes went to the clock on my nightstand.
It was one seventeen in the morning.
The phone rang once.
“Sylvie,” Creed greeted, sounding alert but growly.
“I’m ready,” I whispered.
Silence.
Then, “I’ll be there in ten.”
Disconnect.
I flipped my phone shut.
Fuck.
Chapter Ten
My Sylvie
A warm, late summer day in Kentucky, twenty-two years earlier, Creed is seventeen, Sylvie is eleven, one day away from being twelve…
I got off my bike, leaned it against the wall, walked down the side of the building, pulled open the door, walked into the frozen milk stand and saw him right away.
Creed with his girlfriend, Natalie.
My stomach started hurting.
I began to turn around real quick but he was laughing, his head moved and he caught sight of me.
“Hey, Sylvie.”
I gave a stupid wave then turned around and walked out the door.
But I ran to my bike.
I pulled it from the wall and started to get on when I heard, “Hey! Yo! Wait!”
I looked up and saw Creed’s long legs were bringing him to me.
He was so beautiful.
As he got closer, my head went back, back until he stopped in front of me.
“You not gettin’ any ice cream?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No. I forgot. I gotta get home. The stepmonster is taking me shopping for my birthday.”
This wasn’t totally a lie. She was supposed to. She just hadn’t got out of bed yet.
“Right,” he muttered then grinned. “We on for the lake tomorrow?”
No way. He’d probably want to bring Natalie.
I shook my head. “Sorry, I should have… I forgot to tell you. I’m going over to my friend’s house tomorrow. All day slumber party.”
His head jerked to the side and his voice was quiet when he reminded me, “We always meet at the lake for your birthday, Sylvie.”