Cowboy Crazy

chapter 40



Sarah watched Lane muscle a wheelbarrow full of hay bales into the shed that housed some of his older mares. As far as she could tell he never got rid of a horse once he’d bought it, no matter how difficult, elderly, or infirm the animal was.

She straightened her new straw hat, which was already smushed and dirty from hard work. It was time to stop focusing on horse crap and start straightening out a few things. She and Lane had spent about a quarter of their time in the barn, a quarter in town, and a generous, heavenly half in the loft of the Love Nest.

But neither one had wanted to bring up the future.

“We need to talk,” she said.

“I hate it when you threaten me,” he said, turning away from the mare. “That’s just mean.”

“Lane, I’m serious.”

He turned back to the mare. “That’s even worse.”

She tugged on his shirtsleeve and he turned to face her. After all the time they’d spent together over the past week, she should have been used to him—but the light of his smile still made her take a step back.

And then a step forward.

This was where they both belonged. Standing in the sun-streaked grass, breathing in the clean summer air, and kissing like their lives depended on it. She moved her hands up his chest, then down, savoring the strong, square strength of him. When she swept her hands down his sides to his back, he shuddered and she felt a thrill of triumph.

But this wasn’t talking. And talking was what they needed to do.

He must have felt her stiffen because he stopped and looked in her eyes. “Here? Now? Do we have to?”

“Yes.” She took his hand and led him over to the shady side of the shed, where a few oblong hay bales rested against the wall.

“You’re not going to tell me you’re leaving, are you?” He shot her a mock stern glare. “Don’t tell me I have to hog-tie you in the barn to keep you.”

“No.” She put a hand on his knee. “I’m not leaving.”

“But something’s changing. You’re looking at me like you feel sorry for me.”

“I know we work well together, Lane, and I think the last day or two you’ve just assumed I’m going to work for you.”

“Honey, the last day or two I’ve just assumed you’re going to marry me.”

She widened her eyes, stunned.

“Oops.” He slid off the hay bale and suddenly he was kneeling at her feet like a prince in a fairy tale. He reached for her hands, but she tugged them away. What the hell was he doing? Proposing? Had he said “marry me”?

She wasn’t ready for this.

“Lane…”

“Shh. I need to think. I was going to write a little speech, but now I spilled the beans and I’m going to have to think of it on the fly.”

“Lane, it’s okay. You can work on the speech later.”

“Is that a yes?” His smile was boyish and eager. Hell, she could just say yes, tumble off the hay bale into his arms, and get back to that kiss. She could marry him and stop worrying about everything. She even had a job—a job she could actually do.

Which was what she needed to talk to him about.

“Can we put off the personal decisions for now? I need to talk to you about work.”

“Okay. Let me tell you about the benefits we offer here at the LT Ranch.” He lowered his voice. “The first one is sex on demand.”

He looked so serious she had to laugh. “Lane, I get that anyway.”

“True. But if you work for me, it’ll be permanent. Of course, if you marry me…”

“Lane. I’m serious.”

“I know. We’re going to have to work on that.”

“I got a job.”

The playful light left his face and he rose. Sometimes she forgot how beat up he’d been by that last bull. He was still moving slowly, clearly feeling the aches and pains.

“A job.”

She took a deep breath. “With your brother.”

He smiled, but it was clearly an effort. “He hired you back?”

She took a step back and held out her arms. “Meet the new Executive Director of Community Development for the Carrigan Corporation.”

He groaned. “I didn’t see this coming.”

“Oh, come on.” She smacked his arm. “You’re the reason the job even exists.”

“And you’re taking it.”

“I already did.” She grinned. “It’s exactly what I need.”

***

Lane felt Sarah’s words like a blow to his chest. Sure, he’d planted the idea of a community liaison in Eric’s head. But it had never occurred to him that it could be the first step toward losing Sarah.

Not that he wanted to trap her at home. It was good for her to have options, to step into her new life willingly. But over the past few days, he’d become more and more certain she was happy at the ranch. She belonged here. He could no longer even picture her putting on that straitlaced suit every day, going back to the corporate world. She might come back at the end of the day, but it wouldn’t be the same. In the future he’d pictured, they were both immersed in this world—the world of the ranch, of horses, of building a life on the LT Ranch.

“This isn’t what I had planned,” he said.

“I know. But you can’t always have what you want.” She bit her lower lip. “I’m sorry. It’s what I have to do.”

He nodded, staring into the distance, his mind whirring like a revving engine as he thought of ways to change her mind.

What could Eric give her that he couldn’t? When he’d first met her, he’d thought they would never make a couple. He’d thought she liked the clothes, the boardrooms, the fancy wine and gourmet food. He’d called her princess, and he’d thought the name fit—but now he knew better.

She was a part of this world—not the one she’d left behind.

“Do you really want to go back to the corporate stuff?”

He saw the answer in her eyes and his heart leapt with a shot of hope. But he could see her struggling to overcome the reluctance that was at her core.

“Yes,” she said. “Yes, I do. I have to.”

“Why?”

She fidgeted, clasping and unclasping her hands. He hadn’t seen her do that since she’d left Carrigan. Was he going to have to watch the old, brittle, struggling Sarah come back? Was he going to have to live with a woman who was lying to herself every day?

“It’s a chance to give back to Two Shot.”

That wasn’t the defense he’d expected.

“You were right when you said the town made me what I am,” she continued. “I owe a lot to Two Shot, and Eric’s going to give me a chance to pay it back.” She set her hand on his arm. “What you did was a good thing, Lane. We’re going to get the things we need before the drilling even starts. But I was wondering. Does this mean you’re going to let them on the land?”

“I’ll deal with that when it happens,” he said. “And if it does, it’ll be all right. I can get a conservation easement. They can only drill if they do it clean. They can’t disrupt the landscape or screw up the water.”

She nodded. “Then everybody wins. Including me. I get a chance to really make a difference.”

He nodded. Much as he wanted her on the ranch, he could see that her motives were good. She knew what the town needed. She knew the people and the problems. And for a while, anyway, she’d be based in Two Shot.

But what would happen when the project was over? Eric would want her to move on to another community. And he’d lose her.

“When do you start?” he asked.

“Day after tomorrow.”

“Okay.” He stood. “I need to make a couple of calls.”

He sure as hell did. He needed to sign on for a couple of rodeos, see if they’d accept a late entry. He’d been saving the news of his retirement from rodeo for a time when he and Sarah were alone, but when he pictured her going off to work in the morning, heading into town, he knew his days would be long and empty. He might as well climb back on the bulls.

He was making his calls from the ranch house kitchen when Trevor wheeled into the room.

“July fourteenth,” Lane was saying. “I can make that.”

Trevor waited until he’d hung up, then shot him a questioning glance. “Thought you were hangin’ up your spurs.”

“I changed my mind.”

“That got anything to do with the redhead out there in the barn?”

Lane had left Sarah sitting on the bench by the barn door, working leather conditioner into a saddle that had dried out in the summer heat. She’d nodded when he’d said he had work to do. Just nodded and let him go.

He was going to have to learn that move.

“Heard she’s going back to work for your brother.”

“Yup.” Lane tried not to sound resentful. “She’s pretty excited about it.”

“Really?” Trevor shook his head. “I don’t think so. I think she’d rather work here.”

“I thought so too, but she had a choice and she made it.”

“Not much of a choice when you can’t get yourself on the back of a horse.”

Lane turned, narrowing his eyes at Trevor. “What do you mean? You were the one who told me what a great rider she was.”

“Was is the operative word, though. Girl can’t talk herself into the saddle. I saw her the other day trying to get on Ollie. She must have tried half a dozen times. Then she came in with some lame excuse why she couldn’t lope him out. Haven’t seen her try again.”

Lane stared at him, then glanced out the window where Sarah was bent over the saddle. He’d tried twice to get her to go riding. Both times she’d made an excuse.

“I don’t know what happened, but she can’t bring herself to do it. Looks scared to me,” Trevor said.

“Sarah’s not scared of anything,” Lane said. “She’s sure as hell not scared of horses.”

“No, I don’t think it’s horses.” Trevor spun his chair and motored out of the room. “It’s something in her own head.” He turned back to Lane. “Remember when you took me home from the hospital?”

Lane nodded. It had been an ordeal, getting Trevor into the van, getting him comfortable. He’d been tense one moment, a dead weight the next. It had been damn near impossible.

“Getting in that truck was the hardest thing I ever did, but it wasn’t my legs that were the problem,” Trevor said. “It was my head. I thought I was going to die every minute.”

Lane remembered that ride. Trevor had gone so pale he’d almost turned around and taken him back to the hospital. He’d been sure the guy wasn’t ready to cope with real life, but his friend had been fine once they’d pulled into the driveway.

“When I was getting in the truck, I kept seeing the accident. I hadn’t remembered it up to then. But the minute you and that nurse or whatever shoved me in the seat, it was all I could see.” Trevor paused. “That’s how Sarah looked when she tried to get on that horse. I could feel it, just watching her.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Girl didn’t know I was looking.” Trevor spun away again. “And I figured she’d find her own way to tell you. Some things just ought to be private, but she needs help. Don’t tell her I told on her, okay?”

Lane stood at the window a minute, watching Sarah. Then he took off through the front door at a run.