Cowboy Crazy

chapter 20



Sarah stepped out of her car and trudged toward Kelsey’s dark house. After a half hour of listening to the highway hum beneath her wheels, the quiet country night was a little unnerving. A cricket scraped out three hesitant notes as she approached the house, then fell silent.

In a way, the silence was welcome. At Kelsey’s she could be herself, nothing more or less. She was needed and loved, and she didn’t have to worry about impressing anyone. Just walking up the driveway made her feel like a princess changing back into the carefree goose girl in a fairy tale.

Lately, she could feel her past barreling up behind her like Secretariat pounding into the homestretch. Her professional poise sometimes felt like a heavy crown that weighed her down, and lately it kept slipping to one side when she accidently dropped a G or sat down at the conference table with her legs astraddle like the cowgirl she used to be. One of these days she was bound to blurt out a cuss word at a meeting or bring up Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey again.

Not that it mattered anymore. Gloria had spilled most of her secrets last night at the dinner table, and no doubt she’d leaked more during the pillow talk portion of the night.

She eased Kelsey’s front door open, slipped inside the darkened house, and closed it carefully behind her so the latch wouldn’t click. She was sure she’d carried off her stealth mission until Katie’s little black terrier mix rocketed down the hallway and skidded to a stop at her feet. The dog whined and wriggled, all bright eyes and pink panting tongue.

“Shhhh, Corky. Shhhh.” She picked up the puppy and carried him over to the sofa. Cradling him in one arm, she settled into Kelsey’s needlepoint throw pillows.

A shadowy form appeared in the dark hallway. “Sarah?”

“Fortunately, yes. But I could be Ted Bundy. You really ought to lock your door.”

“We’re in Two Shot.”

“We’re in the twenty-first century.”

“Good point, I guess.” Kelsey sat down on the edge of a rocking recliner that used to be Mike’s TV chair. Actually, it had been more like his throne. He’d held court there every night, king of the remote, flicking from football to fights and back to football while Kelsey waited on him.

At least now that he was gone she wore comfortable pajamas. After their marriage, Kelsey’s entire nighttime wardrobe had consisted of sexy sheer nighties with scratchy lace inserts. Sarah had wondered how she ever managed to sleep in them.

Kelsey had always been the pretty sister, while Sarah was the smart one. Kelsey was taller and curvier, with a generous figure that inspired envy in their girl classmates and lust in the boys. She’d had her pick of dates, and Mike had been her choice. At the time, Sarah thought it was a good one. The handsome, easygoing football player seemed like a good match for bright, bubbly Kelsey.

Except that he couldn’t seem to hold a real job and was a self-centered bastard. But they didn’t know all that until six months ago, when he’d walked out and left her on her own with two-year-old Katie.

“So how’s it going?” Sarah asked, keeping her voice low so she wouldn’t wake Katie. “You feeling okay?”

“So far. But I’ve got the flickering.” Kelsey fluttered her fingers on either side of her face. “I’ll have a migraine tomorrow.”

“Can’t you take something for it? I think there’s something you can take when you get the warning signs. You need to go to a doctor, Kelse. It’s not fair to Katie.”

“What wouldn’t be fair to Katie is getting hooked on some drug.” Kelsey’s pretty face creased into a frown. “You know what it’s like to deal with a mother who’s impaired half the time. I won’t let that happen.”

“It’s not booze, it’s migraine medication. There’s no danger of addiction, and…”

“Sarah, I’m working on it, okay? You think I don’t care about Katie? You think I want to spend all day Saturday on the sofa nursing a headache while my kid spends the whole day having fun with you? You think I like taking my sister’s money so I can keep a roof over our heads?” She swiped at her eyes. “I’m trying. I’m doing deep breathing, and I’m rewiring my brain.”

“Rewiring your brain?”

“Thinking positive thoughts. It creates new neural pathways and actually makes you intrinsically happier.”

“New neural pathways, huh?”

Maybe that was why Sarah couldn’t stop thinking about Lane. He’d made her intrinsically hornier. It was a good thing she had Kelsey and Katie to distract her, or she’d become a sex maniac by Monday.

She pulled her legs up onto the sofa and sat Indian style facing her sister. “So what did you do this week?”

“Worked.”

“No, I mean what were your days like? We talked about trying to simplify things, remember?”

“My life is simple. I take care of Katie. I work. It’s not rocket science.”

“It is when you try to do it perfectly.”

“I know.” Kelsey kicked idly, hitting the front of the recliner with her heel as she furrowed her brow in thought. “I gave Katie cold cereal on Tuesday and Wednesday. But I could tell she didn’t like it, and when I made pancakes Thursday morning she was so happy.”

“What time did you have to get up to do that?”

“Five.” Kelsey sighed. “And the night before was the PTO meeting. I had to go, because they were working on the fund-raiser for new safety equipment for the playground. There’s this new surfacing material made from recycled Styrofoam…”

“Can’t other people take care of that? Just until things get easier for you?”

“They need my support. And besides, things aren’t going to get easier.”

“But you’ll learn how to balance things. And Katie’s growing up.”

“Too fast.” Kelsey rose from the sofa and began picking up the plastic Weebles scattered around the floor. The little round toys were a hazard, but Sarah couldn’t help feeling that Kelsey was only picking them up so she wouldn’t have to look Sarah in the eye.

“I do all right.” She tossed the Weebles into a basket that was already brimming with stuffed toys, board books, and plastic cars. “In fact, I can pay you some of your money back.”

“You don’t have to do that. It wasn’t a loan.”

One of the Weebles rolled off the heap of toys and fell to the floor. Kelsey scrambled after it on her hands and knees as it rolled under the sofa. “Well, I can’t just take it.”

“You need it to pay bills.”

“I did. But I’m doing better now.” She held up the Weeble as if capturing the renegade toy was evidence of her newfound success.

“How? Did you get a raise?”

“No. I just—I have some extra, okay?”

“Well, spend it on Katie then.”

“Yeah, ’cause she needs more toys.” Kelsey lurched to her feet and sighed. “I’m all right, Sarah. I appreciate your help, but I’ll be okay.”

“Well, I don’t mind helping.” Sarah scratched the dog under the chin and the puppy grinned and panted. “I just don’t think you should have to work so hard. You don’t have to be perfect, you know.”

“You’re telling me this? Picture-perfect professional Sarah?”

“Oh, I’m definitely not perfect.” Sarah shifted the dog in her lap and gave his collar a totally unnecessary adjustment.

Kelsey cocked her head and studied her. “You’re not, are you? What happened? Why are you here in the middle of the night?”

“Nothing. I just—roommate problems.”

“That Gloria girl? I wondered about that. She sounded like a wild child.”

“You have no idea.” Sarah shuddered, remembering the tangle of naked arms and legs on her sofa. “Kelsey, I don’t think I can room with her anymore.”

“I don’t think you should have to.” Kelsey started kicking the recliner again. “I can make it, Sarah. And Mike will start paying his share soon.”

“What makes you think that?” Sarah asked.

Kelsey shrugged and looked away. “I just—I just think he will.”

“Listen, what if I stayed with you? Just for a while. That way I could get away from Gloria and still help out.”

Sarah had thought Kelsey would be thrilled to have help every day, but she just shifted in her chair and looked uncomfortable. “Isn’t that an awfully long drive?”

“Kind of, but I’d see more of Katie.”

“Yeah.”

Sarah wondered if Kelsey was already getting a headache. She was frowning as she shoved the basket of toys under the coffee table with one foot.

“What else is wrong?”

“Nothing,” Sarah said.

Kelsey used two fingers to point from her eyes to Sarah’s and back again. “Big sister radar, remember? It’s a man, isn’t it?” She closed her eyes in mock concentration. “I see a tall, dark a*shole in your future…”

“He’s got brown hair.” Sarah wanted to kick herself the moment she said it. She and her sister had always competed in the Golden Girl Sweepstakes to see which of them could live the most perfect, enviable life. Kelsey had dropped out of the race when Mike left, but Sarah was still competing, almost subconsciously. Admitting to a relationship—no, not a relationship, a fling—with the kind of cowboy she’d always scorned would be like throwing the game.

“So who is he? What happened?”

“Nobody.” Sarah put her hands up, palms out, to stop the onslaught of questions. “Nothing.”

Kelsey gave her a suspicious look, then slumped. “Well, it’s about time you had some fun. I just wish you’d tell me about it so I could live vicariously, that’s all.”

“Nothing to tell.” Sarah set the puppy on the floor and stood up, brushing imaginary crumbs from her dress. As she bent forward, her necklace swung forward and almost hit her in the face.

“What’s that?” Kelsey reached over and took the charm between her fingers. “Oh, Sarah, a little horse. Are you going to start riding again?”

“No.” The vehemence of her denial surprised her, and it made Kelsey take a step back.

“Sorry, I just—it was your thing, you know? You loved it so. And just because things didn’t work out back then doesn’t mean you can’t ride anymore.”

“I can’t,” Sarah said. “Trust me, it’s not going to happen.”

“Okay.” Kelsey winced and raised a hand to her forehead. “Oh, shit.”

“It’s starting?”

Kelsey closed her eyes tight and clutched her stomach. “Yeah.”

“Go lie down, hon. Try to get some sleep. I’m here.”

“Okay.” Kelsey gave her a weak smile. “What time do you have to leave in the morning?”

“Early. Like seven. But if Katie’s up, I’ll give her breakfast.”

“Okay.” Kelsey stood, her shoulders hunched against the pain. “So, on Saturday…”

Sarah knew what was coming, and she could feel a headache of her own coming on. They’d had this conversation before.

“What about it?”

“Maybe you could take Katie to town. Some of the other moms in the PTO go to the playground in the afternoon.”

“Like who?”

Kelsey listed a couple of girls they’d gone to school with who were grown now with kids of their own.

“I don’t think so,” Sarah said. “We can play here.”

“Sarah, you have to go to town sometime. You can’t just hide out here. Especially if you’re moving back.”

“Why? They won’t have anything to say to me. I couldn’t get out of this town fast enough, and people here couldn’t wait to kick me in the butt on my way out.”

“That’s not true, Sarah.”

“Then why didn’t anybody talk to me after Roy died? Why did every room go quiet when I walked in? Why didn’t one single person offer to help us?”

Kelsey stomped her foot. “Because you scared them all away!”

“I was a fifteen-year-old kid. How scary is that?”

“Pretty damn scary when it’s you, Sarah. It was like you had your own personal thundercloud you carried around with you. Nobody knew what to say to you. You never reached out. Never gave anybody a chance.”

“A chance to what? To come watch our mother drink herself to death? To see how our lives were falling apart? Why? So they could gossip about us again, the way they did before Roy came along and made us respectable?”

“So they could help.”

“I didn’t need their kind of help.”

Kelsey stood in the door to the hallway looking defeated. “You’re just making it worse, you know. Everybody sees your car here. They’re all wondering why you don’t come say hello.”

“Well, they can keep on wondering.” Sarah sighed. “I’ll be late tomorrow, okay? I have a lot to wrap up.”

“You work too hard,” Kelsey said.

“Look who’s talking. Taking care of a three-year-old and working full-time is a lot harder.” Sarah smiled, trying to break the tension. “Besides, I love my job.”

As she said it, a bolt of dread shot through her and she thought she might get a migraine herself. She used to love her job. But with all that had happened that night, she was hardly looking forward to her next day at the Carrigan Corporation.