Tony decided they should go on a drive. Claire hadn’t left the property or even the immediate house since early September. The idea of getting into the car caused an explosive and unexpected trauma. That morning she obediently dressed in the clothes that were laid out for her, which happened every day since she was well enough to dress. The sun shone and the temperature felt unseasonably warm. She anticipated going outside, but when Tony announced that he had the Lexus out front, Claire panicked. Her reaction was quick and unpredicted. She started to cry and shake. She didn’t want to go.
For the first time since the accident Tony pushed. He didn’t ask, he declared they were going for a drive. It was the best thing he could do. She needed to get out, but Claire couldn’t think straight. She sat down on the front steps and refused to get up. Finally, Tony reached for her arm. She reacted more violently than she had since her arrival. Her entire body filled with anguish. Trembling, she started to scream, “I remember everything! I know the truth! Please do not touch me!” Her body shook. “I hate you! Leave me alone!” He looked at her with disbelief. She looked at him with vengeance.
Her screaming caused Catherine and Cindy to come running. By the time they arrived, Claire’s words were unintelligible, overlapped by sobs and whimpers. She sat on the steps, shaking and holding her knees. Eventually her sobs subsided into freely flowing tears. She didn’t speak as Catherine gently helped her to her feet and calmly walked her to the car.
They began the drive in silence. Tony didn’t do or say anything. He drove and let Claire cry. It had been two months since her accident. She hadn’t cried or said a word, and suddenly it all erupted.
Dr. Leonard had given his clearance. Tony had been patient. Claire knew what he wanted from her and she was petrified to be with him again. He drove them to a meadow. She’d never been there before or even seen it. It was very secluded. Claire’s crying subsided. Tony tenderly helped her out of the car, and while holding her hand he finally offered his apology. “Claire, I am sorry.”
She looked up at his eyes, they glistened light brown. “You are sorry? What are you sorry for?”
His tone was remorseful and sincere. “I am sorry for your accident.” She didn’t respond and looked away from his eyes. He continued, “Yes, I admit that what happened the night of your accident was me. I admit I lost control, something that doesn’t usually happen. I admit I feel terrible, and Catherine has made me feel worse. I admit I was beyond furious with you and the article by Meredith Banks. I wasn’t thinking straight.” His eyes were getting darker. “I trusted you. I believed that you wouldn’t betray my confidence and then . . . and I would do anything to have that night to do over.”
They stood by the car, no longer touching. The breeze gently rustled the tall grass, blew wisps of hair around her face, and filled her lungs with the smell of impending winter. Claire watched his expression as he spoke. It had been so long since she’d felt anything. Suddenly, she fought the rapid mixture of emotions that stirred inside of her.
Tony watched as her eyes, which had been dull and dead, contained a small spark. “Tony, I remember. I remember what you were doing and saying. I remember you saying I would need to be alone for a while to think about who to talk to and who not to talk to.” Tony nodded his head. He’d said that. Claire’s eyes brimmed with tears and her chest swelled with fear, but she had to know. “Is that still coming?”
He reached out to grab her shoulders. He intended to be gentle, but Claire backed away, tripped, and fell onto the ground. His eyes said gentle but she remembered fury. She didn’t know what to think or feel. Not feeling was so much easier. Confusion, apprehension, anger, and dread all showed in her eyes. He followed her to the ground. “Claire, please stop.” He knelt beside her. “No, that isn’t coming. I don’t think you need any more reminders on how to behave, do you?” She said no, she didn’t. “Claire, may I please touch you?”
She started to tremble again. Sobs resonated from her chest. His voice still gentle but firm. “You know I don’t need your permission to touch you. I don’t need your permission to do anything.” Claire’s eyes closed. She tried to swallow her sobs. She nodded her head yes. She knew too well her permission was not necessary. “But I would like to have it. Please, may I have your consent?”
She braced herself and opened her eyes. She looked at him and his brown eyes. She closed her eyes again and said, “Okay.”