They both acknowledged her with pleasantries. Claire immediately added, “Please call me Claire.”
“Claire, Simon told me he spoke with you a few months ago. I asked you here early because I wanted to let you know how important that was for him.” She held Claire’s hand. Claire nodded as Mrs. Johnson continued. “You had no way of knowing how much and how long he pined for you. There was a time he believed that if he left you alone until you achieved your career you would be ready to see him again. But seeing you, talking to you, learning that you aren’t what they say . . . well, just learning you are still the Claire he remembered, and most importantly that you are happy. He was finally able to move on.” Claire listened, both with concern for Simon’s mother and Tony. “This is Amber. They were recently engaged.” Claire and Tony both said hello to her. “Simon loved Amber very much, but he had to let you go. I want you to know, you will always be special to our family because our son loved you.” Claire’s chest heaved as she silently wept. Tony comforted her. “You had no way of knowing his feelings, he didn’t convey them. Don’t ever think we have ill feelings toward you. How could anyone hold something against someone when they didn’t even know it was happening?” She squeezed Claire’s hands. “I just thought you should know the importance of your short talk. He walked away knowing you were happily married, he knew he could move on. Thank you.”
Claire tried to smile. “I’m thankful we had the opportunity to talk.” And for the first time, she truly was.
Then Mrs. Johnson addressed Tony. “Mr. Rawlings, God is so funny.”
Tony replied, “I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”
“Mr. Rawlings, if there was one man my son idealized besides his father it was you.” Tony’s eyes reflected the appreciation she sent his way. “He received his start at his dream job in one of your companies. When he first started working there, you made a few visits to their office. You probably don’t remember, but on one occasion you spoke to Simon about one of his projects, he talked about it for months. He aspired to be like you. Now you and Claire are happily married, I just think God has a sense of humor.” She looked lovingly at both of them, introduced them to the rest of the family, and added, “Please sit up toward the front, it would mean a lot to Simon and it means a lot to me.” They did.
Throughout the memorial Tony held Claire’s hand. Later when she tried, she couldn’t remember the service. Between Mrs. Johnson’s words and memories of her parents’ funeral her energy went to appearing composed, fighting the pounding in her head, and not fainting.
On the flight home she thought about Mrs. Johnson’s words, Simon aspired to be Tony. She thought about her assessment of Tony: ruining lives with his business decisions. Maybe there was more to her husband. If Simon aspired to be Tony, maybe there was something there to aspire to. With her head on his lap, she looked up at him and recognized his expression: thoughts in a million different places. She watched his strong jaw that clenched and unclenched, his dark brown eyes, furrowed brow, and perfectly combed hair. Maybe he helped lives too, Mrs. Johnson believed he did. Claire just needed a different perspective.
Grandma Nichols said, “Sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees.” Perhaps she was too close. She knew him, intimately knew his flaws, maybe he was a different man from a distance. The voices in her head debated. People thought Tony a kind, wonderful, generous, benevolent businessman. She knew he could be loving, tender, sensual, and lavish. She also knew a side of him that didn’t fit either description.
He absently stared into space, stroking her blonde hair. She appreciated his efforts over the last few days, he was trying. She exhaled deeply and closed her eyes.
Tony remembered her expression during the funeral, so much overwhelming grief. That kind of emotion was only visible with the loss of someone you love dearly. Of course, she lost two someones. He remembered the church overflowing with people. Even though his death was not in the line of duty, Officer Jordon Nichols received full police honors. There were uniformed cops everywhere. And apparently Shirley Nichols had many bereaved friends and students. Blending into the crowd wasn’t difficult. Now as he stroked her silky hair he believed his plan took a turn that day. Originally he had different designs, but watching her flanked by her sister he knew he had to know her. Actually, reminiscing he knew before then that he didn’t want anyone else knowing her.