I’m struck by the difference between the two men. I’m guessing the valet is twenty-six, just two years older than me and only four years younger than Damien. And yet Damien carries himself with such confidence that he seems ageless. Like a mythic hero, his tribulations have strengthened him, giving him a sexy self-assurance that is so attractive it almost outshines the physical beauty of the man.
At thirty, Damien has already conquered the world. The valet, who now stands confused without a door to open, probably has trouble conquering the rent. I don’t feel bad for him—he is like so many young people in Los Angeles. Struggling actors or writers or models who’ve moved to the City of Angels in the hope that the town will make them over. It is Damien who is the exception. Damien doesn’t need this town; Damien needs nothing but himself.
Once again, I feel that unwelcome twinge in my heart. Because if my meanderings are true, then what does that say about me? I know he wants me—I see that desire every time I look into his eyes. But I have come to need Damien as potently as the air that I breathe, and I sometimes fear that while our desire is mutual, my need is one-sided.
My melancholy thoughts evaporate the moment Damien opens the door and I see him smiling down at me with such a fiercely protective set to his jaw that I can’t help but sigh. He holds out his hand to help me from the car, his body positioned so that there is no way that the valet will get a gander at my private parts, even if my attempts to ease out modestly are foiled by this very low-to-the-ground car.
I manage the maneuver successfully, thank goodness, and Damien releases my hand and slips his arm around my waist. It is summer, but this close to the beach the air is cool, and I lean against him, relishing his warmth. Damien tosses the keys to the valet, who I think is going to weep with joy at the prospect of sliding behind the wheel of that exceptional car.
“Let me guess,” I say, as we wait for our rather inefficient valet to get a ticket for Damien. “You own the building.” I glance at it as we speak. Only the entry is well lit, and in the shadows, I see clusters of people. Couples talking together. Men wearing everything from swim trunks to business suits. I suppose that’s normal. After all, the beach is just across the street.
“This building? No, though I might put in an offer if it comes up for sale. It’s an office complex right now, but with this location, it could be converted to a very successful hotel. I’d keep the rooftop restaurant, and not just because I’m friends with the owner.”
The valet hands Damien the card, and for the first time, I notice the restaurant name on the valet stand. “Le Caquelon?” I ask as we head for the door. “I haven’t heard of it.”
“It’s excellent. Fabulous view, even better food.” He grins wolfishly as he looks me up and down. “And the tables are very, very private.”
“Oh.” I swallow, because there it is—that sensual ping that is Damien. That makes me turn on a dime from calm and collected to a swooning mass of sensual, sexual need. I’m going to make you come, he’d said, and dear God I hope that is a promise he intends to keep.
I clear my throat and try to calm my speeding pulse. I’m sure he can feel it beating against him. “What does the name mean?” I ask.
Before he can answer, the clusters break apart, then seem to re-form into a mob. Now camera strobes are flashing and the vultures are shouting their questions. It’s happened so quickly that I don’t even have time to think. Automatically I wipe all expression from my face, then paste on the tiniest of smiles. For so many years, I’ve hid behind a practiced, plastic mask. Social Nikki, Daughter Nikki, Pretty Pageant Nikki.
Right now, I am Public Nikki.
Damien’s hand tightens around my waist, and though he says nothing, I feel the tension building in him. “Just walk,” he whispers. “All we need to do is get inside.” Inside, as his attorney Charles explained to me, we are safe. Inside, they would be trespassing.
“Nikki!” A voice stands out from the din, so familiar in its tone that I want to slug the shouter. I don’t, however, react. Instead I face straight ahead and reveal only that tiny public smile.
“The photos that came out last week from the Miss Texas bathing suit competition have gone viral. Is it true you leaked them to promote a new modeling career?”
In my mind, I imagine my hand tightening into a fist, my nails biting into my flesh.
“What about television? Can you confirm that you’ll be starring in a new reality show next year?”
No, not a fist. I am holding a razor blade, that tight, sharp line of steel biting through my skin, the cold pain something I can grab on to.
No.
I force the thought of blades and pain out of my mind. It infuriates me that these parasites are a catalyst for my weakness. They aren’t worth my time, much less my pain.
“Nikki, how does it feel to have snagged one of the world’s most eligible bachelors?”
I breathe in deep as Damien’s hand tightens around my waist, pulling me even closer. Damien. I don’t need the pain—I don’t. They are nothing—nothing. I am centered. And I have Damien to help keep me whole.