Chapter Twenty-four
The next day, Gabe knocked on Megan’s door. He’d been on a medical call when she’d left her message. As soon as he got back to the station and made it through his paperwork, he’d quickly started planning a surprise for her. One he hoped she’d love.
He’d missed her like crazy these past few days, had wanted to call her a hundred times. But he knew he couldn’t push her, couldn’t risk having her run, possibly for good this time. As he waited for her to contact him, he kept reminding himself that she hadn’t said goodbye.
Instead, she’d told him she’d had fun...and she’d kissed him on the cheek.
Still, it had been a seriously sweet moment of relief when he’d heard her voice on his phone. But when she opened the door, gorgeous as always in a pair of jeans and a sweater, what he felt went so far past relief, past lust, into uncharted territory, that he finally knew for sure.
He was in love with her.
Overwhelmed by the depth of emotions he felt for this beautiful woman standing in front of him, he probably would have just stood and stared at her for hours were it not for Megan reaching for his shirt, taking a handful of the material in her fist as she pulled him toward her.
He finally reacted, dragging her body against his just as she made a play for his mouth. They kissed as though it had been three years since they’d last seen each other rather than three days, clothes flying off all around them just as they had up on his roof.
Sex had never been this desperate a need before, had never been as vital as breathing, as necessary as food and water. But it wasn’t just the quest for an orgasm that drove them stumbling over to her couch, that had him ripping off her bra, yanking her panties down her legs, and dropping to his knees between her thighs.
It wasn’t just that he wanted to give Megan pleasure, that he wanted to hear those sexy little gasps and moans as he licked through her already wet folds and slid two fingers inside her clenching heat.
It was more than the contact high he got from her shuddering climax as he circled her * with his tongue, then sucked it in between his lips and took her over the edge.
Even that moment when he reared up over her, a condom already on, gripped her hips hard to pull her even closer, and drove into her, wasn’t what his need was all about.
No, it went deeper than just the physical pleasure of being with the woman he loved.
Because, for the first time in his life, as Megan’s head fell back against the couch, as her back arched and she wrapped her legs tightly around him, covering his hands with her own right before they both came apart in each other’s arms, Gabe knew what it must have been like to be Adam.
To need to claim Eve as his.
* * *
Gabe looked with pleasure at Megan sitting beside him in his truck. He wanted her again even though barely fifteen minutes had passed since they’d made love. It had been tempting to take her to bed and stay there all afternoon, but he knew she’d love his surprise. And he hoped there’d be many more days—and nights—of lovemaking in their future.
“I’m glad you called,” he told her, not pausing before reaching for her hand, and was pleased when she slid her fingers between his.
“I am, too.” She looked out the window. “Although I believe I’m the one who asked you to lunch, and here you are taking me off to some secret place.”
He could tell from the excitement in her voice that she enjoyed being surprised. How, he had to wonder, would she like it if he took control of their lovemaking the next time? If he didn’t tell her what he was going to do her, if he made her guess how he was going to make her come next?
They pulled into a dirt parking lot and he came around to help her out of the truck, his hand around her waist, enjoying the feel of her curves as he stood a little too close and made sure she slid down the length of his body.
Just as he hadn’t stopped himself from holding her hand while they were driving, he didn’t stop himself from kissing her now. Her mouth met his just as hungrily, her arms wrapping around his neck, her hands threading into his hair.
They’d kissed dozens of times before this—at least—but this kiss was different. He’d always known she wanted him, had always felt the strength of her desire for him. But now it was as if a lock had sprung open. Where it had almost been as if she was powerless to resist kissing him, now he got the strangest sense that she was kissing him for no other reason than because she wanted to.
When they finally came apart for air, she was smiling up at him. “I love kissing you, Gabe.”
His mouth was back on hers a second later and they were off onto round two. Only the loud sound of a horn caused them to remember that they were in the middle of a public parking lot near a huge white tent.
“Where are we?” she asked.
He grinned and held her hand tighter. “You’ll know soon.”
A few seconds later, her eyes grew big with pleasure. “I saw an ad for this circus last month, but I thought it was gone already.”
“It’s the last day. I was hoping you’d like my surprise.”
“Are you kidding?” She looked like Summer when she was excited. “I love the circus! Summer actually makes fun of me, says I’m more excited than the little kids are about the acrobats and animal tricks and flying trapeze. When I was little, I used to dream about running away with the circus. I was going to be the girl who amazed everyone by dancing on the elephant’s back.”
He had already bought two VIP tickets and they headed inside to their center ring seats, right in front of the action. He loved this side of Megan, when she forgot to hold herself back from him to protect herself, when she gave him a window into who she really was. Not just the great mother, not just the intelligent CPA...but a woman who thrived on thrills, on adrenaline, on excitement.
Just as much as he did.
When he bought them popcorn and cotton candy and caramel coated peanuts, she said, “If Summer finds out we ate this stuff, she’s going to read me the riot act.”
Gabe grinned. “Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Aren’t you supposed to be the one telling her to stay away from junk food?”
“They’re learning about nutrition in second grade. If you’re wondering, this—” She held up a big wad of pink cotton candy. “—is not growing food.”
He laughed. “I loved seeing Summer at the station.” He didn’t want to pressure Megan, knew she still needed time to work things out about them, but she had to know. “I’ve missed her.”
Megan’s eyes softened. “She missed you, too. Actually, Gabe, I’ve been thinking—”
Before she could say anything more, the crowd lights went black and the stage lights went on. He wanted to pull Megan out of the tent to hear what she’d been about to tell him.
What was she thinking?
That she wanted to be together?
Or that she didn’t?
She was immediately caught up in the circus show, but Gabe couldn’t concentrate on anything but her.
* * *
Megan loved every second of the circus show. She could hardly look as nimble acrobats tossed themselves around the ring. She held her breath when the tiger trainer got in the ring with ten deadly animals. She laughed until her stomach hurt at the antics of the clowns.
And still, for all that her senses should have been filled to the brim, she couldn’t forget for one single second the man sitting beside her. No one she’d dated had ever thought to take her to the circus. It was always the same white tablecloths and hushed voices, stilted conversation about work and investment portfolios. She’d never let any of those men get close enough to find out her hopes and dreams, what made her laugh or cry.
But even though she’d repeatedly tried to push Gabe away, even though she’d worked hard to guard her heart from him, he’d figured her out. From the fireworks show way up high on his roof to the innocent, childish fun of the circus, he was filling her soul up, one sweet experience at a time.
Not to mention the wonder of the way he made love to her.
At the end of the show, she jumped to her feet, clapping so hard her palms stung.
“Thank you, Gabe. It was—” She had to search for the right word, finally finding it in Summer’s favorite exclamation. “—awesome! Totally awesome!”
She quickly bought a few little trinkets to give to Summer. When she glanced back at Gabe, he looked pleased with how much she’d enjoyed herself, but strangely worried, too.
“Didn’t you have a good time?”
“I did, although to be honest, just watching you enjoy it made it the best circus I’ve ever been to.”
Megan flushed at the heat in his eyes. It was amazing how being with Gabe made everything around her so much richer, so much brighter. She hadn’t realized all the shades, all the contours she was missing until he had—literally—burst into her life.
She enjoyed holding his hand and snuggling close to him as they walked back to the parking lot. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and everything felt so right.
“When do you need to pick Summer up?”
She looked at her watch. “In about an hour.”
She found herself being tugged in the opposite direction from the truck, out toward the ocean. A few minutes later, they were sitting on a log looking at the Golden Gate Bridge.
He had that serious look on his face again. “Gabe, something’s wrong, isn’t it? You had that same look back under the big top.”
“No, nothing’s wrong. At least I hope there isn’t.” He ran his hand through his hair, leaving it looking sexily rumpled as he explained, “When we were talking about Summer, you started to say that you’d been thinking about things. But you never got a chance to tell me what it was you were thinking.”
Her heartbeat kicked up. Back in the circus ring, she’d been so overwhelmed with his lovely surprise date that her mouth had been moving without much editing from her brain.
But, now, Megan was nervous. Habit made her want to get up off the log and run away from Gabe as fast, as far as she could.
It was so very difficult to remain right where she was and face not only Gabe, but her own fears.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about us,” was the only way she knew how to begin.
She had to reach for his hand to steady herself. He was just as warm, just as steady as he’d always been. Nothing about this conversation was going to be easy. But that was no excuse not to have it, no excuse to keep hiding her feelings from Gabe.
“I never intended to let you so far into my life,” she made herself say with painful honesty.
“I know, sweetheart.”
“You didn’t, either,” she had to point out, and was surprised when his mouth moved into a small smile. “You tried to fight what’s between us just as hard as I did.”
“Only until I realized that I didn’t need to fight it. That apartment fire just happened to be the way we met. Nothing more.”
His words opened something up inside her chest, that part of her that had worried, despite everything, that he still looked at her as the fire victim with stars in her eyes.
“The thing is, Gabe, everything was—is—so great with you. Not just the sex,” she said in a soft voice. He lifted his hand to her face, his knuckles brushing against her cheek making her tremble. “Making love with you is, well…” She licked her lips. “It’s amazing, but just talking, laughing, snowboarding...I love every minute we’ve spent together.”
“I do, too.”
She needed him to understand. “I wasn’t just fighting because of my past, I was fighting because of Summer. I was so afraid I’d fall for you and let her get close to you and you’d become even more of a role model to her than you already were. And that would only break her heart more when you left.”
“I’m not going to leave.”
His words stopped her in her tracks. “How can you know for sure?”
Before she realized what he was doing, he’d scooped her up from the log to sit in his lap. He was so big and she loved how feminine she felt in his arms, how safe he always made her feel.
“Here’s how I know,” he said, pressing his lips to hers a moment before saying, “I love you, Megan.”
Her breath caught in her chest. She hadn’t seen this coming, hadn’t expected Gabe to declare himself like this today.
Unable to believe what he’d just said, she didn’t realize she’d said, “You do?” until the words were out.
“I do, sweetheart. You are bravest person I know. That day in your building, when it was burning, your love for your daughter made you so strong, made the difference between our living or dying. I lost a piece of my heart to you right then and there.”
“I always thought I was so strong,” she whispered, her voice barely rising above the surf, “but the truth is I’ve been scared for so long. Even before David died.” She didn’t want to hide anything from Gabe anymore. Or herself. “We met when I was twenty. I hadn’t really dated anyone seriously before. He was older and dating him was exciting. He never pressured me to do anything I wasn’t ready for and after a couple of months it made sense to sleep together.”
She could feel Gabe tense beneath her. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to hear me talking about going to bed with another man. Especially after saying you…”
“I love you, Megan,” he said again, filling in the blanks for her when she faltered at the word love.
“I’m sorry to be saying this now, but I need you to understand,” she said, squeezing his hand, beyond glad that he was there for her to hold on to. “Being intimate with David didn’t even seem like that much of a risk at the time. It was what everyone was doing in college, sleeping with their boyfriends.” She paused. “Only, everyone else didn’t find out they were pregnant on their twentieth birthday.”
This time Gabe was the one squeezing her hands. “I was terrified. Terrified about having a baby. Terrified about marrying a man I wasn’t even sure I loved. I think that was the moment I vowed I was going to live a risk-free life, to protect myself from ever feeling that way again. His death only reinforced that vow.”
She made herself hold his gaze as she admitted. “Being with you is risky on so many levels, Gabe. Not just for me, but for my daughter, too.”
His expression, his voice, was gentle as he said, “I can’t even begin to imagine how scary it must have been to find yourself dealing with so much, so young. But when I look at you and Summer—” He stopped, smiled as he thought of her daughter. “—I know she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
The moisture building up behind her eyes threatened to spill. “She is.”
“Then aren’t you glad you made those risky choices? Because taking those risks gave you Summer.”
No one had ever pointed it out to her like that. And he was right, she would go through all those terrifying moments again just for the chance to cuddle with her daughter, to see Summer’s face light up when she laughed, to be a part of her daughter’s journey from little girl to woman.
“Say it again, Gabe. Please.”
His hands moved from hers to her face, so strong and gentle, his thumbs caressing her cheeks. “I love you.” His mouth moved to hers and he emphasized his declaration with a kiss that said the exact same thing.
When they pulled apart, despite the butterflies in her stomach, Megan couldn’t say those three words. But she could tell him, “I want to try. You. Me and Summer. I want to give us a chance.” And there was one way to prove to Gabe that she meant it. “Do you have time to head to her school to pick her up?”
“Yes,” he said, his expression telling her he knew exactly what her gesture meant. “I’d love that.”
After they drove to her apartment in silence and parked his truck outside the building, Gabe held her hand for five straight blocks. Summer was beside herself at seeing Gabe on the playground, and as the kids rushed around the firefighter and all talked at once, Megan stood back, watching.
She’d been as brave as she could be today. She’d told Gabe things she’d never admitted to another soul, namely that she’d married her husband because she’d been a scared young woman who couldn’t imagine going forward any other way, rather than for love.
Only, for all she’d said today, Megan hadn’t told Gabe everything.
He’d said the words I love you so easily. And, oh, how she’d wanted to say them back. But she couldn’t. Not yet. Not until she felt more settled, more sure about the decision she was making.
Gabe and Summer walked over to her, hand in hand. Summer was chattering away a mile a minute, with Gabe somehow taking in every lightning-fast word. The warmth that started in the center of Megan’s chest before spreading all through her had nothing to do with decisions.
And everything to do with the sweet possibility of a future full of love.