chapter Six
It was an awkward dinner, Abby reflected as she sat beside Logan. Eric and her father sat across from them—her father doing most of the talking. He’d spent a good portion of their time at the restaurant telling stories from Abby and Hayley’s childhood—the many tales of mischief and mayhem. Finally, though, he’d turned to the present—turning his attentions to Logan. “So, Logan—what is it you do for a living?” He asked, his tone genuine.
“I’m an architect, actually.” Logan replied, nodding as he replaced his coffee mug on the table.
“Oh, really?” Logan nodded again. Martin leaned forward, his interests piqued. “I’ve always loved architecture—always wondered what it’d be like as a job.”
“It’s definitely the right place for me.” Logan spoke with complete certainty. He’d never really had much drive for the future until he’d met Abby, but now that he’d found something he was actually good at, he no longer doubted himself.
“Logan’s always loved building things.” Abby spoke aloud, though she didn’t really mean to. But it was true. “Blake told me quite a few stories about the forts you two would always try and build—”
“Hey, those were very sturdy plans. Our materials were just never…sufficient.” Abby smiled while her father laughed boisterously. Eric offered only a forced smile, not seeing the humor in it. She knew he was angry with her, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.
“Blake was never a hands-on kind of guy, either. That made construction a bit difficult. He was always more concerned with taking care of things. Hurt birds, stray cats, hungry dogs. If we were building a shelter for something like that, he was easily motivated.” Logan paused for a moment, the realization that he was speaking of his friend in the past tense a tough one. “Blake was a good guy.” He said finally, shifting his gaze to the mug in his hands. Abby nodded, agreeing.
“Hayley got lucky.” She had never once doubted that the two of them had belonged together. Nor did she doubt that they had ever once experienced a moment of unhappiness because of it, either. They had accepted what fate offered them and lived life to its fullest.
“They really were meant for each other,” Logan added, as if reading her mind. He found her eyes and held them, forgetting now that Abby’s fiancé was sitting across from him.
“They were.” It was just one simple statement—on the outside, completely innocent and free of any ulterior meaning. But Logan knew—he felt it in his heart, in the way she met his eyes.
She wasn’t just talking about Hayley and Blake anymore.
“They did have something special, didn’t they?” It was Martin who spoke next, looking between Abby and Logan as if seeing them for the first time. Abby felt her cheeks flush and she looked away, taking a sip of water.
“Oh, Abigail—I meant to tell you. The designer called—your dress is ready for a fitting whenever you return.” Eric’s voice shocked her back to reality and she suddenly felt guilty as he stared at her knowingly. He wasn’t blind.
“Thanks…I’ll have to—” She was about to say that she would go as soon as she got home, but she thought twice before speaking. “I’ll have to find a weekend to go. Ingrid’s pretty upset about me taking so much time off as it is.” Eric’s face remained expressionless, as did Abby’s. She knew Logan was questioning her with his eyes, but she didn’t dare look at him. Not again—especially not in front of them.
“Ingrid will have to settle down and do her own job, that’s what I say,” Martin offered, taking a sip of the coffee in front of him. There was a look of annoyance in his eyes, but nothing close to disappointment. Logan gained another edge of respect for the older man, partially against his own will. “My little Abby works herself to death for that woman and what does she get?”
“It’s a gossip rag.” Eric said, his tone one of irritation. Logan was about to speak—about to jump to Abby’s defense—when she spoke.
“Gossip rag or not, Eric. It’s my job. And I work hard. I deserve a little credit.” When he heard her repeating his words, he couldn’t help the grin that crept onto his lips. So she had been paying attention. That was something, wasn’t it?
“That’s what I say as well, dear.” Martin smiled, passing another look between Abby and Logan. “Well, I don’t want to overstay my welcome, so I think it’s about time Mr. Thompson and I make our way back to the airport. Who knows how long we’ll have to wait to catch a flight.”
“Already?” Abby asked, and Logan could tell she was thoroughly disappointed. She was happy that he had come. Happy that he had been there to support her. But as everyone rose from the booth, it became apparent that there was no stopping them.
“Well, first I need to find a restroom.” Martin said with a smile. “I’ll meet you all out front. Go on.” The three of them began to walk toward the door when Logan stopped, not wanting to intrude on the few moments the two would have together.
“You two go ahead. I’ll just hang back here for a bit.” Something in him sensed that the soon-to-be married couple would need their privacy.
“You’re sure?” Abby asked, questioning him. He nodded, waving them on. He watched as they stepped outside. Abby’s arms were crossed over her chest, Eric standing a good couple of feet away. He could tell they were going to argue.
He sighed then, turning back and making his way to the counter, where various photos were arranged. Logan felt a pang in his chest as he looked them over, remembering everything. And then he came to the photo of the four of them, taken the night of the wedding. Abby was dressed in a something similar to what she wore now, Logan wearing a plain white dress shirt and black tie.
“She was happy then.” The voice startled him and Logan turned, finding Martin standing beside him. “Carefree, you know. The way it always is with first love.”
“We all were.” Logan said, not sure of what he was supposed to say.
“She’s a beautiful girl, isn’t she?” Logan didn’t hesitate to nod. “She’s my pride and joy, Mr. Sheppard. I’d do anything for her.”
“She feels the same about you.”
“Abigail’s done enough sacrificing for one lifetime, wouldn’t you say?” Logan felt the older man reach up and set his hand on Logan’s shoulder, his eyes boring into Logan’s. “I would give anything to see her this way again, you know. I want her to be happy. You think that’s possible?”
“Anything’s possible, Sir.” It seemed as if the older man was trying to send Logan a message—but he wasn’t quite sure what he was asking. Did Abby’s father have something against her current relationship? Or was he just asking, from Logan’s perspective, having known Abby when she was carefree and so full of life, if he thought it was possible she would have that once again?
“It’s Marty, Logan. Call me Marty.” Martin patted him on the back then before slipping into his jacket. “It was good to finally meet you.”
“Same here,” he replied, still slightly bewildered.
“If you ever make it out to our neighborhood, you should stop by. We could talk architecture.”
“Definitely,” Logan agreed. “Have a safe flight.”
“You have a good night.” As Logan watched Abby’s father’s retreating figure, he couldn’t help but feel as if something important had just taken place. As if, in some way, Martin Lewis has just given Logan his blessing.
He glanced back over his shoulder. It was obvious that Abby was angry with Eric, even as she wrapped her arms around her father. She didn’t reach out to Eric when she turned to say goodbye to him. He watched her lips move, watched her wave as they walked away.
And as Logan watched, he tried to make sense of what it was he was supposed to do.
~*~
They drove back to the motel, carting various loads of flowers and photos. By the time everyone had left, the sun was already beginning to fade. Logan knew they should probably head back—but something in him didn’t want the day to end.
“Hey Abby?” He questioned, navigating the familiar roads.
“Hm?” She responded, lost in her thoughts.
“Well—I was just wondering—would you mind if we made a little bit of a pit stop?” He glanced over at her quickly before turning his eyes back to the road.
“You have something to do?” He shook his head.
“No—not exactly.” He sighed. “It’s just—there’s this ice cream parlor in town. They have the most amazing—” Abby didn’t let him finish.
“You want to get ice cream?” Her tone was an incredulous one. Logan mentally kicked himself, knowing that he had taken it too far.
But then he heard her light laughter flooding the cab of his truck. “Well, I think that would be the perfect ending to a day like today.” And it was true. She couldn’t think of anything Hayley would have loved more. A celebration—not a mourning—through and through.
“You’re sure?” Abby nodded, her eyes finding his.
“This had better be some phenomenal ice cream, Mr. Sheppard.” Abby couldn’t deny the smile on her lips. She felt lighter than normal—happier. She didn’t even care about the argument she’d had with Eric. What did it matter what he thought? He would disapprove of ice cream nearly as much as he had disapproved of her dress. But he hadn’t known Hayley—he hadn’t understood their bond.
Logan did.
She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. There was a smile on his face as well. Strange, it having been such a sad day—but she and Logan both knew that this was exactly what their friends would have wanted. And they would have wanted them to do it together.
The ice cream parlor was in the middle of town—very alive on a Saturday night. Logan parked along the crowded street a bit of a ways away, knowing they would have to walk. “It’s pretty busy,” Abby noted.
“Like I said—it’s pretty amazing.” Abby laughed again and Logan reveled in it, letting it wash over him. “Shall we?”
“We shall,” she responded, opening her door and hopping out of the truck. She smoothed the skirt of her dress down before Logan appeared at her side, offering his arm. “Always the gentleman,” she commented, slipping hers through his. It was so comforting, how familiar all of this was. She could have sworn it had all happened before—and maybe it had, in another life. She remembered nights very much like this one back in Boston—the four of them going out on dates, laughing and enjoying the company of one another.
It almost felt as if Hayley and Blake were there with them now.
“I used to come here with Hayley and Blake—at least once a week. You know how Hayley was about her ice cream.” Logan told her, as if reading her mind. Hayley had always been a fiend for ice cream—it was probably her favorite dessert. Abby nodded, smiling a sad smile at the memory, but glad to hear that Logan was thinking the same thing she was. “She loved this place.”
“Well if it’s good enough for Hayl, it’ll be good enough for me.” They were nearing the line now, Abby able to look at the menu. She immediately knew what she was going to get—and as they approached the window, Abby was startled to find Logan placing the order.
“We’ll take two cones, please. Both cherry vanilla.” He paused. “Oh, and can I get one of those dipped in chocolate please? With a few nuts sprinkled on top?” Abby eyed him suspiciously. “What? I got it right, didn’t I?”
“How could you have possibly remembered that after so long?” He shrugged his shoulders.
“It’s your favorite.” Abby only smiled softly, shaking her head. Logan Sheppard would never cease to amaze her. “You used to order it all the time, everywhere we went.” It was true—it had been her favorite for as long as she could remember. She just hadn’t expected Logan to remember such an insignificant little detail. She was sure if she asked Eric what her favorite ice cream was, he wouldn’t even come close.
“Since when did you start eating cherry vanilla?” She asked, perching herself on the edge of a picnic table while they waited. “Weren’t you always a butter pecan kind of guy?” Logan shrugged his shoulders, looking at the ground awkwardly for a moment.
“Sometimes you don’t realize what you’re missing out on—that’s all.” Abby tried to ignore the double meaning to his words. He couldn’t be saying what she thought he was. “I never gave it the chance I should have.”
“Well, I’m glad you finally came around.” She said, though her voice was hardly more than a whisper. He looked up then, his eyes meeting hers and holding them. It was a long moment that passed between them, millions of things each of them wanted to say—memories and desires flowing between them, all revealed through their gaze.
A voice disturbed them though, shocking them from the moment and bringing them back to the present. Abby looked away first, shifting her eyes to the ground. “I’ll get those,” Logan offered, turning his back and returning to the window to retrieve their ice cream cones. He handed the loaded cone to her before perching against the picnic table beside her. Abby didn’t speak for several moments, concentrating all of her attention on the treat in front of her.
“This is really good,” she finally admitted, breaking the silence. Logan chuckled, nodding his head.
“I told you it was.”
“You were right.” She sighed, lifting her eyes and looking around. They were surrounded by people—lots of couples, a few families. Across the way, she saw a young family of three. “They look so happy.” She said, something hidden in her tone. “Hayley and Blake would have been such good parents.”
“They would have.” Logan agreed. “You remember when we thought we were going to have one of those?”
She did remember. In fact, it didn’t even seem all that long ago. She was still in school then—Logan had been talking about starting. They had been reckless one night—just one night, they’d gotten carried away. She hadn’t thought anything of it until a few weeks later. She was late.
“It was pretty scary,” he spoke and Abby looked over at him, finding his eyes.
“I wasn’t scared.” It was the truth. She had known having a baby then would have been challenging—but she’d had faith that the two of them could do it, so long as they were together.
“You weren’t?” He asked, and Abby shook her head.
“No. In fact, I was almost disappointed when it turned out I wasn’t pregnant.”
“You never told me that.” Abby shrugged her shoulders.
“I didn’t want to scare you away.” She laughed at the irony. A year or so later, he’d left anyway. “But I mean—the thought of a baby—of our baby?”
“You want to know the truth?” Logan asked after a few moments of silence. Abby found his eyes again. “I was a little bit disappointed, too.” And all Abby could do was nod, a ball forming in her throat. “I mean, I was terrified—I was so unprepared to take care of a family. But I don’t know…I’d never really thought about having kids until I found you.”
“I wish you would have told me that then. Maybe it would have made it a little bit easier…” She hadn’t even told Hayley how disappointed she’d been.
“There are a lot of things that I probably should have done differently, Abby. That’s only one of a million.” She reached up and touched her finger to the corner of her eye, so as to keep the tear from falling.
“We would have had beautiful children though.” She could see them now, standing in line there at the ice cream parlor. Hayley and Blake would be with them, their little girl on Blake’s shoulders. Logan would be holding their own little boy in his arms—their little dark-haired boy with unruly curls. And she and Hayley would be standing side by side, taking in what a beautiful picture their families made.
“Any child of yours is going to be incredible, Abigail Lewis.” Abby’s smile faded as she thought about what he said. Oh, if only she could tell him.
“Yours won’t be too bad themselves,” she whispered.
“I don’t think that’s in the cards for me either, Abby. The whole family thing. Not now, anyway.” It actually pained her to hear his words. Logan was going to make such a great father some day—why wouldn’t he take advantage of it?
“You told me you wanted enough kids to fill the starting line-up of the Red Sox.” She stared at him, her brow furrowed with concern. His laugh was very sad as he traced a circle into the ground with his shoe.
“Things change.”
“Sometimes, I really wish they wouldn’t.” She thought of their current situation. Their friends gone, their hearts broken. Why had their paths taken such a sour turn?
“I agree.” Logan was disappointed to see the sadness returning to Abby’s eyes. He thought he might try a change in subject, as the current topic was bringing him down, too. He hadn’t even wanted a family until he and Abby’s accident.
But then the possibility was staring him right in the face, and he realized that he’d wanted one with her. That was part of the reason he’d given in and gone back to school. He had no idea what to do with himself—but he knew he wanted to prove himself worthy.
Unfortunately, he was pretty sure he’d made a terrible mistake somewhere along the way.
“It was nice to finally meet your dad.” He finally spoke, willing himself away from his own reverie.
“He liked you.” Abby said, her tone a certain one. “I always knew he would.”
“It was good of him to come.” Logan thought of the way the older man had looked at his daughter. She was something precious to him—the person he cherished most in the world.
Logan imagined he probably saw Abby in a similar fashion.
“Hayley was like a daughter to him. He loved her—I wish he would have gotten to know Blake too. They would have gotten along well.” She had a distant tone in her voice, as if she were some place far away now.
“I think your dad could get along with anyone he wanted to, really.” Abby nodded. It was part of her father’s charisma. He’d never walked into a room and not made a friend. “He seems like a good man.”
“He is.” Sometimes, though, she couldn’t help resenting him. She couldn’t help but blame him for the choices that had been made so long ago—the ones that had brought her here, to this place.
“He loves you.” Abby nodded again, knowing it was true and grateful for the reminder. She only wished he could have loved her enough to trust that she knew what she was doing. That she knew who she was falling in love with.
“You’re a good man, too, Logan. I always knew you were.”
“Well, I do try…” He was trying to lighten the air again. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
“Fortunately for me, I don’t have to exert much effort.” He laughed at the jab, nodding his head. She finally looked up, meeting his eyes.
Logan broke out into laughter.
“What?” She asked. He reached forward and touched his thumb to her chin.
“You had a bit of chocolate—just there.” He pulled his hand away, smiling warmly. “There, all gone.”
“I’m not sure I should trust you.”
“You can always trust me, Abigail Lewis. I don’t care how much time goes by—if you’re married and you have ten kids—I will always be here for you.” The sincerity was obvious in his tone—she didn’t even have to look to his eyes for confirmation. But she did anyway.
“I’ll remember that,” she replied, her voice hardly more than a whisper. “We should probably head back, shouldn’t we?” She asked, bringing the moment to a close. Abby couldn’t help but be glad for it. She’d gone through more than enough today without having to rekindle the past.
“It is getting late.” There was a chill in the air, summer still too far on the horizon for the air to stay warm.
And so the decision was made. They made their way back to the truck, both lost in thought. It was a silent drive back—peaceful, comfortable. But still silent. The drive was short, and soon they were already back at the motel.
The stars shone brightly in the sky as they stood out on the balcony. It felt strange to have to part now, Abby thought, remembering how things had been back in Boston. How natural had today felt? Sitting at his side, laughing with him, knowing what he was thinking with just a glimpse of his eyes?
“For being such a horrible day, it really wasn’t all that bad,” Abby said quietly. “I’m glad you were here, Logan.”
“So am I,” he replied. They sat in silence for a few moments staring out at the stars. “Why didn’t you tell Eric about quitting?” Abby shrugged.
“Because, if there’s anyone I’m rebelling against, he’s the one. And I want to get it through his head that my career is no less important than his.” She sighed. “He’s always hated the fact that I work there.
“He does seem to…have an air about him.” Abby laughed then, the sound dancing out into the night air, sounding like music to his ears. He’d always loved her laugh.
“That’s one way of putting it.”
“So then…why? Why stay? Why marry him?” He knew he shouldn’t be asking this, but then again, he knew she wouldn’t answer if she didn’t want to. She sighed quietly.
“Honestly?” He nodded. “Because he’s predictable. I know what’s going to happen with him. I know our entire future. And I know it works.”
“Because he’s from your world.” She said nothing and he exhaled loudly, turning away and leaning against the railing, wishing he could voice his frustration. “You think you’ll be happy?” He asked finally, words from her father echoing in his ears.
“Happy is a vague word, Logan.” She sighed then, looking up at the sky. Logan only stared, watching her pull away once more. “I should probably head in.”
“It’s pretty late.” Logan gave her the excuse she needed, nodding. He stood up, turning to face her. In the light from the moon, she was absolutely radiant. Her golden hair hung in loose ringlets, framing her face. Her fair green eyes were clear—free of pain and loss, free of worry and sadness. He reached out, hesitant at first—but she didn’t back away. He rested his hand against her cheek, running his thumb along the soft skin. “You know, you really are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, Abby.”
Her eyes fluttered closed for a moment. When they opened again, the pain was back. She stared up at him, reading everything in his eyes. “Good night, Logan.” She whispered, turning away and hurrying inside. As she shut the door, she felt the tears welling up inside her, beginning at the deep ache within her chest.
Why did he have to do this? Why did he have to remind her of how happy she used to be? How easy their love was? Why did he have to break her heart time and time again?
Why couldn’t this have happened before? Why couldn’t he have come back into her life years ago? Why had he waited until now?
It wasn’t fair. Not any of it.
She longed for her best friend. She longed to hear Hayley’s consoling voice, telling her what she should do.
And before she knew what she was doing, she had grabbed her purse and dug through it until she found her keys. And then she was hurrying from the motel room and jumping into her car—taking off without really knowing where she was going.
But as she pulled up in front of the familiar ranch house several moments later, she knew.
~*~
He found her, of course. Somehow, she knew he would. She was sitting in their bedroom, pictures scattered all around her, tears streaming down her face. Logan was confused—what had happened? Hadn’t he just said good night to her no more than two hours ago?
“Abby?”
“Are you happy, Logan?” She asked, staring at the photo in her hands. It had been taken sometime during their last year together—they were at a baseball game, and she was sticking her tongue out at the camera. Logan was at her side, smiling his perfect smile.
“What?” He stepped further into the room, taking in her surroundings.
“Are you happy?” She questioned again, not shifting her eyes away from what she held in her fingers. “Do you see yourself being happy in the future?” Something in her voice made her sound as if she was far away, off in some distant place.
“What’s this about?”
“Because I did.” She wiped angrily at a tear that escaped from her eyes. “Just a few days ago, before all of this. Before you came back into my life. I saw myself being happy.” She chuckled softly, shaking her head. “Happy. With Eric.” It sounded like such a joke to her now.
“Abby—” He started forward once more, reaching out to her.
“Do you remember what it used to be like, Logan?”
“Of course I do.” His heart was pounding in his chest, almost fearful of what she might do. She looked so shattered, sitting there, surrounded by memories.
“We were happy.” She shook her head, touching her finger to the photo she held. “I forgot how happy we used to be.”
“Why don’t we—” But Abby broke in, interrupting him.
“Did you forget?” He sighed, shaking his head though he knew she couldn’t see him.
“No, Abby. No. I could never forget.” Abby remained quiet for several moments. When she spoke again, Logan felt his heart break.
“You left me, Logan. You remember that?” He noticed for the first time that photos were not the only thing surrounding her—on her lap, he noticed a crumbled piece of paper. “You left me, all alone.”
“You weren’t alone.” He closed his eyes, willing the ache in his chest to go away. Why was she doing this now? After the night they’d just had?
“Oh, Logan…yes I was. I still am.” She wiped at her eyes. “You know what happened that morning after you left?” He shook his head. “When I woke up, I knew. I knew what had happened. I didn’t want to upset Hayley—not on her honeymoon. So I took my cue from you.” She held up the piece of paper, offering it to him, meeting his eyes for the first time since he’d arrived.
It was a note, written in her handwriting. He’s gone. I’ll be fine. Enjoy your honeymoon. Don’t worry about me. Even after six years, the tear marks were still visible. “I don’t know why she kept it.”
“Abby—” And now, he actually did reach out to her, trying to take her hand. She jerked backward, shaking her head.
“Logan, you walked away from me. You walked away and you never looked back.”
“Abby, would you just listen—”
“No!” She cried, shaking her head. “No, Logan! You can’t do this!” She rose to her feet, pictures scattering around. “You can’t come back into my life and act as if it never happened. It did. And I moved on.” She shook her head. “Just like you told me to do, Logan. I moved on with my life—I found someone who could give me better than what you could, just like you said. And he loves me—”
“And so do I!” She was shocked to silence, the wind momentarily knocked from her lungs. “More than I will ever be able to express to you, Abby. I have never stopped loving you.”
“You can’t say things like that to me!” She was furious, throwing her hands in the air. Who did he think he was? Waltzing in and ruining everything she’d so carefully crafted? “I’m engaged, Logan. Engaged.”
“You’re engaged to someone who clearly doesn’t even know who you really are.” Logan shook his head, his eyes furious. “Eric couldn’t even look at you in that dress—”
“That has nothing to do with anything—” She shook her head angrily. “Logan, you left me. You can’t tell me you love me—you can’t tell me that I’m beautiful—you can’t ask me if I’m going to be happy! It isn’t fair. None of it is.” Tears streamed down her face. “It’s too late.”
“It’s never too late, Abigail. When are you going to wake up and see that?”
“I’m wide awake, Logan. I’m well aware of the reality I’m living in.” She shook her head, finding his eyes and holding them. “And you are not a part of it. You can’t be.”
It was the final straw—the last of her strength. The last of her reserves. She felt her knees give—felt his arms circle around her and pull her close. The sobs wreaked through her as they had just days before in this very same spot. She cried into him, mourning not only the loss of her friends now, but the loss of the one love she’d thought would last a lifetime.
Because she knew that this was it. She knew that this would be their final moment—this would be her final goodbye.
She let him hold her, let him comfort her. She was so tired—exhausted, really, to the point she could no longer go on. And it felt right, here in his arms. She knew he would take care of her. She knew that Logan cared about her. She knew it before he’d even said it. She’d seen it there, in his eyes, as they stood on the balcony and he touched his hand to her face.
It had pained her to realize the truth. It had hurt—because she knew, deep down, that she loved him too.
But it was too late. It really was. She had made her commitment to another man. She had moved on.
Nothing was the same now.
It was time to let go. Time to forget about the past. Time to move on with the future.
A future without Blake. Without Hayley. Without Logan.
But, for tonight, she couldn’t move. For tonight, she would just stay put—she would stay where she was and remember what it felt like to be happy.