chapter NINE
THANE STOOD AT the edge of the couch, peering down at a sleeping Elin. He would never tire of looking at her. Dark hair tumbled around her delicate shoulders. Long lashes cast shadows over the sweet definition of her cheekbones. Her freckles beckoned. Her soft lips parted as she released a breathy sigh. Of what did she dream?
And why did she continue to affect him so strongly—more strongly every day? Today his heart had sped into a wild beat at the first sight of her. Worse, sending her away had been torture.
He’d wanted so badly to go to her, but he’d left the meeting with the Sent Ones to speak to another group of males he... Trusted wasn’t the right word. Utilized upon occasion. Yes. Better.
The Lords of the Underworld were immortal warriors possessed by the demons once locked inside Pandora’s box, and, surprisingly enough, they were currently on the side of the Sent Ones, their would-be assassins. They fought the evil they hosted, rather than encouraging it, which made them worthy allies in the heavenly warriors’ eyes.
Thane had asked about the shadow creatures now connected to Bjorn.
William had been there, pale and withdrawn, drinking and trying to forget the death of his daughter. “I know them,” the male had said. “They were birthed in a realm unlike any other, dark without any hint of light. They are hive-minded. They have a queen, and they obey her without question. She is...” He shuddered. “If they’re afraid of your soldier, then he’s protected by her—or united with her. Either way, he’d be better off dead. And castrated.”
Thane had fumed all the way home. He’d hoped to find a female in the bar and calm himself the only way he knew how—a plan he’d actually despised. But then he’d remembered his order to Elin and nearly mowed down his entire staff in an effort to reach her.
And here she was. Safe and sound.
Ripe enough to be plucked.
Her soap-and-cherries scent saturated every inch of the room. He’d always resented foreign fragrances on his things, but this...this he liked.
Elin was in an upright position, her head resting on the back of the couch. Had she fought her body’s need for rest, only to succumb where she sat?
A small glass shard peeked from the top of a white-knuckled grip. Still frightened of him?
Careful not to wake her or cut her delicate skin, he pried the shard loose. Her skin was ice-cold, he noted, and frowned. With so little clothing, and no blanket, the air had chilled her.
He stalked to his bedroom—his, not the one he used for his women—and grabbed the softest blanket in his possession. Laughing male voices filtered through the crack underneath Bjorn’s door as he strode back to the sitting room.
Thank the Most High. His friend had found some levity.
At the couch, he willed his robe to conform to his body and separate into a shirt and a pair of pants. Then he removed the shirt, wanting fewer barriers between the heat of his skin and Elin. He gathered her in his arms. So light, so soft. As trusting as a child, she snuggled her head in the hollow of his neck, seeking closer contact. He had to bite his tongue to silence a moan of pleasure.
Pleasure. Over this. What was wrong with him?
Reeling, he turned and eased onto the couch, settling the girl on his lap. He draped the blanket around her, cinching her in a cocoon of heat. Mistake! Her scent grew stronger. Her breath fanned over his chest, as erotic as a caress, and her hand fluttered over his shaft.
He hardened in an instant.
Resist her. Yes, he would resist her. Even as his body trembled with undeniable thrums of arousal. He would warm her up, wake her up, then escort her back to her room. Then he would find an appropriate woman to slake his desires.
Elin rubbed her cheek against his pectoral and purred, her mouth perilously close to his nipple.
Lick me. Taste me.
His arms tightened around her. He didn’t want an appropriate woman. He wanted this one. But...
He imagined her chained and struggling.
He shuddered, more horrified than ever.
He imagined her crying and begging as he injured her, perhaps scarring her as Kendra had.
A shudder of revulsion shook him.
He imagined Elin standing behind him, using one of his plethora of tools to inflict pain on him, with delight in her eyes.
Cold sweat beaded over his skin.
He’d experienced this type of reaction before. With her. Only her. But it was beginning to spill over into other areas. Like every time he thought about the women he’d bedded, and how he’d never really known them. The kind of lives they’d led. Carefree...or as tormented as his own.
Had he heaped hurt on already hurting women? Crowded them with so many weeds they couldn’t breathe?
The guilt...
He couldn’t do the same to Elin. Couldn’t add to her anguish. Wouldn’t.
But he had to have her.
Take her, then. Gently. Maybe you’ll like it. Maybe you won’t. Either way...
Either way, she would be his.
And he could ensure she enjoyed it, whether or not he did. He could please her as much—or more—than her husband.
A dangerous thought, for she might want more from him.
A tempting thought, for that very reason.
If he found himself reverting to habit, as he feared he might, he would stop and walk away. He would leave her satisfied, but he would leave her.
Now, all he had to do was convince Elin.
* * *
ELIN WOKE UP GRADUALLY, several facts slowly pushing into her awareness. She was cozied up to a warm male body, and that warm male body didn’t belong to the twenty-year-old Bay, who’d been lean, like a long-distance runner. It was too wide. Too hard. Too...everything. The male body did belong to Thane. She would recognize his dangerous champagne scent anywhere.
Confusion struck. How had she ended up in his arms? She remembered being shut up in his suite—thanks, Adrian. Owe you one. She remembered pacing, wondering what Thane planned to do to her, and yawning a few thousand times, despite her agitation. She remembered cursing the fact that she was missing a Multiple Scorgasms practice. The team might never forgive her. She remembered settling on the couch to conserve her energy. Then...nothing.
Now...Thane’s strong hand stroked along the ridges of her spine, up and down, up and down, stopping every so often to play with strands of her hair. Delicious. Desire too long denied rolled through her, an unstoppable tidal wave. Consuming her. Drowning her. But, oh, what a way to go.
Here was everything she’d craved for the past year. Comfort. Contact. Connection. The three C’s of enticement.
Thane wasn’t a candidate for her bang and bail...but he was the only male she wanted.
Being with him will come at a terrible price.
Oh, yeah. Swallowing a moan that would have embarrassed her, she jolted upright. His arms, already banded around her, tightened before she could stand, locking her in place. Ignore the rapturous feel of him. Desperate, she cast her gaze over the room. The lights had been dimmed and now cast only the softest, most romantic glow. He hadn’t moved her from the couch, but had slid in underneath her. Oh, criminy, why?
“Look at me, Elin,” he demanded, the strain in his voice catching her by surprise.
Reluctantly she faced him—and then wished she hadn’t. This close, she could see tension branching from eyes crackling with electricity, and a mouth set in a hard line. He looked wild, savage, capable of any dark deed...and yet she yearned to sink closer to him, to put her hands all over him, and feel his hands all over her.
“Are you going to punish me?” she asked. Nothing would toss her out of her amorous mood faster.
“Punish you?” His expression shuttered, then closed off entirely. “No. Why would you think that?”
“I threatened your friend with arsenic.”
“That’s right. You did. Thank you for the reminder.”
She slapped the heel of her palm against her forehead. “How dumb can I be? Golden rule number one is never remind a boss of your mistakes. If he can’t remember, you shouldn’t, either.”
“I liked that you threatened him. He deserved it.” His gaze dropped to her lips. His eyelids seemed to grow heavier by the second, lack of emotion no longer a problem. He sizzled. “But that isn’t what I wish to discuss.”
Oh. “Then what?” she asked, relieved...confused.
He gave her a look so intense, so hot, it would be forever branded in her mind. “I thought I could stop it, but I can’t.”
Stop it. The attraction.
The need.
She knew that was what he meant, and heat pooled low in her belly.
Oh, no. No, no, no. One of them had to stay sane.
“You are wasted on a man’s memory, kulta,” Thane continued silkily, “and I’m not going to stand for it anymore.”
Killing me... “You don’t have to. I decided to be with someone,” she whispered.
One corner of his mouth tilted up. “Me.” It wasn’t a question.
She hesitated, then admitted, “Actually, no.” Maybe the truth would stop the madness.
He stiffened, and flames began to crackle in his eyes. Flames so wild, they were actually scary. “Who?”
The word was like a punch.
Should have kept my mouth shut. There was no way to make this better. But that was what you wanted, right? “Uh, well, uh, see. I was still deciding between some guy—you’ve probably never met him. I mean, yes, he’s obviously been here, you hired him, but—”
“Hired. Adrian—no, I’ve seen you with him, and there was nothing sexual there. McCadden—no. He’s in love with another.” He paused, other names probably rolling through his mind. Then he narrowed his eyes, the fire raging brighter, and dug his fingers deeper into her flesh. “Merrick.”
Her eyes widened. How had...? No way he could... Argh!
“That’s not going to happen, Elin. You’ll be with me.” He lifted her by the waist and forced her to straddle him. “No other.”
She struggled for a moment—and realized she was merely grinding her aching core against his erection. Her body settled, enthralled by the new position...while her heart careened into an uncontrollable beat. A mating rhythm.
He sucked in a breath. “It’s better than I imagined.”
“What is?” she breathed. But she already knew, because she thought so, too.
“Holding you like this.”
“You imagined this?” He didn’t just want her, she realized. He wanted her desperately. It was a heady thought.
“Many times.”
“Me, too,” she admitted softly, the words leaving her of their own accord.
His hands gripped her harder. “Say yes. Here. Now.”
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Touch me. Please. But self-preservation proved stronger than primal instinct. “Yes to what, exactly?”
“To me. To us. I want to be with you, Elin. I want to do things to you. Things you would have never dreamed possible.”
A low moan broke from her throat. I want you to do those things to me, too. “I...” Shivered with anticipation. “I can’t,” she forced herself to say. Even though I’m willing to beg for it. “I’m sorry.”
His eyes hooded in challenge. “Don’t be sorry.” He kissed her neck, at the same time pressing his long, hard length more firmly against her core. Despite her claim, she tilted her hips toward him, deepening the contact, making it last longer. “Answer a question for me.”
“Yes.” The agreement felt good on her lips.
“You’ll give yourself to another, but not to me?” His palms grazed the tips of her breasts. “Why? To punish me for the Harpy?”
Goose bumps broke out. “No.” Maybe. “I...” Take a time-out. Weigh the pros and cons. “Want to give myself to you. I do.” Forget the pros and cons. They had no time to form. Desire burned them away. Burned her.
He stilled. “What changed your mind?”
“It’s what I’ve always wanted,” she admitted, toying with the ends of his hair. “I’m just not going to fight it anymore.”
Triumph flared in his eyes. He nibbled on her earlobe, and reached down, cupping her between her legs. She gasped as a hot lance of pleasure speared her.
“You want me, and no one else?”
“No one else,” she croaked. But once again self-preservation raised its head, forcing her to add, “I will go to first base with you so hard. But that’s it.”
And then I’ll feel so guilty, I won’t have to sleep with anyone. Ever.
Finally. Win/win.
Thane might have cracked a smile. He might not have. Either way, he was done with chitchat.
He grabbed her by the nape of her neck and pulled her to him, forcing her lips to meet his. Hard and unyielding, he thrust his tongue inside her mouth. Tasting, demanding.
He dominated.
He mastered.
He owned.
When she mewled in rapture—so good—he gentled his hold and softened his thrusts, allowing her to learn him and savor. She melted against him, meeting his tongue with a plunge of her own.
“Yes,” he rasped. “Like that.” He sounded amazed.
She felt amazed. She met his tongue a second time, and it was like throwing gasoline-soaked logs on an already raging fire, the kiss instantly spinning out of control. Urgency overshadowed the desire to savor. They began to bite and lick at each other, his taste intoxicating her—dizzy with need—addicting her to his brand of tender aggression.
Don’t want to ever let him go. Have to touch him. Everywhere at once. Fingers in his hair. Combing through his wings. Her nails scraping down his chest. Oh, sweet fire, her hands wrapped around his steel-hard length.
Greedy girl. One at a time. She started with his hair, sifting her fingers through the silky strands. He growled his approval as her passion forced her to tug a bit. Encouraged, she made her way to his ears, then down the taut muscles of his neck, before moving on to the down-soft feathers of his wings. So many sensations, each adding fuel to her scalding desire.
“Your freckles are delicious.” He kissed her jaw, her throat, using tongue and teeth, and a fever flushed her skin, made her bones ache.
She loved it. Loved the heat and eroticism. How had she gone a year without a man? A year without pleasure and comfort. A year of dreaming and wishing and denying and suppressing. Now, every need she’d ever ignored came roaring to the surface. To touch and be touched. To give and to take. To live and to feel. Oh, to feel.
“Thane,” she said, a command for more. She rubbed against Thane’s erection, up and down, sloooowly at first, so slow and leisurely, easing herself into the riotous sensation, allowing her to savor, even while her mind demanded she hurry. Her neglected body could barely process its reactions to him. But raw, animal passion was driving her deeper and deeper into a world of carnality, making her desperate for some measure of relief, and she increased her speed.
“Incredible,” he said, and never had she heard such a ragged tone.
Faster... “Yes.” Her thoughts centered around three words: more, now, need. A little faster... Every point of contact wrung a frantic gasp from her. Faster still... “More.”
“More than just first base?” His tone was teasing.
“Now!”
“With pleasure, kulta.” He set her a few inches away, ending the sweet, sweet undulations.
“But...” She whimpered. “I need.”
“And so you shall have.” Going caveman, he ripped her shirt and bra away, and threw the material to the floor.
Yes!
He swallowed hard as he took in the sight of her. His thumbs circled her nipples, making them pucker, as he palmed her bare breasts. “So beautiful. Won’t let myself mar them.”
His absolute reverence nearly undid her, even as the words reverberated in her desire-fogged mind. Mar them. The punishment she deserved for betraying Bay. The thing she needed to stop herself from repeating this experience.
“Do it,” she commanded.
He went still. “Do what?” The words were quiet, laced with menace.
How could she explain?
“What do you want, Elin? For me to throw you down? Sink inside you?”
Yes! No. Maybe. Ugh. Definitely yes.
“Because I don’t think you truly want what I think you’re trying to tell me you want,” he finished.
Thoughts of elucidating her need to experience pain, to ease her guilt for feeling so overcome with lust for this man, vanished. Instead, a plea escaped. “Please. I’m so close already. I just need to...have to... It’s been so long.”
His expression softened. “I’ll take such good care of you, kulta.” He gripped her backside and pulled her into his erection with one hand, while the other pressed into her stomach and urged her backward, until she sat at an incline on his thighs. He bent forward and sucked one of her nipples into his mouth, hard, harder, before flicking his tongue back and forth, easing the slight sting.
Slight, and yet sharp pleasure cut through her. She cried out. More. Please, more. He turned his attention to the other nipple, giving it the same treatment.
Desperation was making her frantic, and she tried to move against his shaft, to rub again, she had to rub, but she couldn’t move her hips with his weight bearing down on her.
“Thane,” she moaned. Never had she wanted a man—a climax—so much.
He lifted his head, his lips red, moist and kiss-swollen. His gaze met hers, his irises blazing with a hunger that was a mirror to her own.
All at once, he stood with her clutched against his chest, her legs wrapped around his hips, and turned toward the bedroom. The Room of Sweet, Sweet Horrors.
Reality pimp-slapped her. Just. Like. That. Not much time had passed since this man had banged another woman and left her a boneless heap on the bed. A boneless, bruised heap. The things he must have done to her...everything Elin thought she wanted. And yet, panic doused her wanton desperation and ruined her pleasure, memories of her captivity overtaking her. She felt as though she’d been drenched with dirty ice water.
What had she been thinking, kissing him? Begging him?
“No.” Elin fought his hold. He frowned at her but allowed her to settle on her feet and back away from him. “No. We can’t.”
“No?” His hands fisted at his sides. “Not no.”
“We can’t,” she repeated. “Please, understand.”
“We shouldn’t,” he corrected coolly. “But we definitely can.”
The evidence of his words was straining against his pants. Her body pleaded with her to agree. “Thane—”
“I wanted to stay away from you, kulta. I tried. I failed. Now...now I would like a chance with you.”
A chance at a relationship? Killing me all over again.
“You liked what I was doing to you,” he continued. “I could smell your arousal—I still can. If I were to feel between your legs, I know I would find you wet. Ready for me.”
Treacherous heat bloomed in her cheeks. “It’s true.” Like she could really deny it.
“And still you say no?”
Do it. Confirm. “Correct.” Don’t whimper.
His eyes narrowed, but he said, “Let’s talk about your concerns, then. Your...weeds?”
“No. Yes. Gah!” She breathed in and out with purpose, trying to calm her riotous pulse, and decided to start with the simplest problem. “I don’t know you. Not really. And what I do know...”
He nodded stiffly. “You don’t like.”
The hurt in his eyes nearly buckled her knees. “I didn’t mean it that way,” she said. Just say what you’ve been thinking. Let it out. “Thane, when you sleep with women, you’re done. Totally and completely done. You’ll fire me to get rid of me. I’ve already been warned.”
And if he slept with her and later found out what she was? He would feel betrayed, and punish her worse than the Phoenix in the courtyard.
He popped his jaw, but whether he was irritated with her or himself, she wasn’t sure. “You have my word. You will not be fired.”
Yes, but how would he treat her? As if she didn’t exist? As if he wished she would leave? That might be exactly what her vow to Bay required, and might even help her continue to hide her origins, but wow, she was so tired of being the outcast. And what would happen if—when—Thane turned his attention to another woman? Perhaps even the very next day. Elin would have to watch, helpless to do anything about it.
Already the thought of him with anyone else turned her stomach, and they hadn’t even slept together.
“What else?” he demanded.
Even talking about it was almost more than she could bear. Words made it real, rather than an action fueled only by passion. And stupidity. “I’ve never had a one-night stand, and while that’s all I think I should allow with you, and all you’ll probably want, I don’t know how I’ll react afterward. What if I...” she shuddered, saying, “cling?”
He rolled his shoulders, little ripples working through the feathers in his wings, mesmerizing her. “You will never hear me complain.”
Her heart hitched at the words. Never hear him complain—which meant he could do it, just not when she was around.
“Would you prefer to have a commitment from me?” he asked.
No. Never! “Yes,” she found herself saying. “I mean no.” Make up your stupid mind! “I don’t know. I promised myself I’d never do another commitment.”
“No one-night stands. No commitments.” His eyes narrowed. “You aren’t leaving me any options.”
That was the point. No options. No sex. “Maybe that’s for the best.”
“Maybe your promise deserves an amendment,” he said quietly, almost menacingly.
“Like, in my heart I will always stay true to Bay, but my body is up for grabs?” News flash. I already had a meeting with my board of directors and voted that one in, big guy.
He arched a brow, all, what do you think?
She sighed. “Have you ever been a part of a committed relationship?”
“No,” he admitted.
“Ever wanted to be?”
“No.”
At least he was honest.
And why did any of this even matter? This wasn’t a road she would travel. Was it?
He gently pinched her chin and forced her head to lift, her gaze to meet his. “Everything is different with you. Nothing is what I’m used to.” He paused as she absorbed those wonderful, beautiful words. “But none of that compares with one fact. I want you, Elin.” A flicker of unease flashed in his eyes—and of hope. “Do you want me? Because the answer is the only thing that matters right now.”
His unease nearly undid her. He was that anxious to hear her response? But it was the hope that sealed the deal. When it came to Thane, she was weak.
“I... Yes,” she admitted softly. “Yes, Thane, I want you.” Why couldn’t she be that certain about everything else? “I think I proved that.”
The hope intensified, only to fade in a blink. “Tell me, then. What is it, exactly, that you expect from me?”
Confused, she said, “What do you mean?”
“You saw the Harpy,” he intoned, his voice going cold, hard. “She was shackled.”
“Yes,” she rasped.
“You saw her condition.”
“Y-yes.”
“That is what I’ve always needed. Absolute control...absolute pain.”
“Always?”
He released a breath. “Until you.”
What? she almost squeaked. What made her so special?
“But when I had you in my arms,” he added, “you made it seem like you might actually desire a little pain and bondage.”
She peered down at her feet, embarrassed. Did he have to be so frank? “You’re saying you won’t shackle me, even if it’s what I claim to want.”
“That’s right. I won’t.”
That was good.
No, that was bad.
Actually, she didn’t know what it was. “Why?” she asked. “And what about the other thing?”
“The desire simply isn’t there. And I won’t beat you, either.” He reached out, traced his fingertips along her cheek. “You’ve had enough of that.”
Yes, she had. And yet...
She wasn’t sure what to think about any of this. “Has the desire ever been absent with another woman?”
“No.”
“Because they didn’t have a past like mine?”
A flash of guilt in his eyes, quickly gone. “I’m not sure. At the time, I didn’t care to know. With you, though, I care. I crave every detail.”
He cares. Why not tell him everything? Just put it all out there? He could get a peek at the overrun garden in her head. He might run.
What if he stays?
“You’re correct about my wants. In part.”
His brow furrowed. “Explain.”
“At camp, I was slapped, pushed and whipped by the very people responsible for the death of my father and husband. I was called names, and treated like an animal. But that wasn’t the worst of the abuse.” She drew in a deep breath. Held...held... “They taunted me with details of my family’s death. They wouldn’t allow me to speak to my mother, or her to speak to me. But I should have risked punishment, and talked to her. She needed me, and I was too afraid to help her.”
Emotion darkened his features. Emotions she couldn’t read. “And now you think you deserve more pain?”
“Yes. But I also thought... I mean, if sex could be an experience I hated, I’d never again want to betray Bay.”
He backed away from her, severing all contact, taking his wondrous heat.
“Thane?” she asked as a tear streamed down her cheek. He’s sickened by my acceptance of my fate. He considers me a coward—because I am. “I’m sorry.”
“You need to leave, Elin. Now.”
“But—”
“Now,” he roared.
She raced from the room.