And here I thought the Cosa Nostra was brutal.
“That’s what happened to your family?”
Instead of answering, he switches on the radio.
I reach over and switch it off. “How did you survive?”
He glances at the tattoo on my left ring finger. “How did you survive?”
I look out the window again, at the passing suburban landscape creeping toward the city. “Day by day. Any way I could.”
“Then you already know. The details don’t matter.”
He switches on the radio again, ending the conversation.
I close my eyes and allow the sudden and intense longing to get to the dark heart of this strange changeling of a man to pass through me until it’s only a faint, bittersweet taste on my tongue.
The wedding can’t come soon enough.
He’s a riptide and I’m swimming far out in dangerous waters, getting pulled under fast no matter how hard I fight to stay afloat.
16
Spider
It becomes clear I made a massive mistake ordering Reyna to accompany me on the ring-buying excursion the moment we walk into the Cartier store in Manhattan and the store manager greets us with a big smile, open arms, and an enthusiastic, “Congratulations on your engagement!”
Reyna stares at the manager as if she’s planning his murder.
She says icily, “How kind. Thank you. Now please show me the biggest diamond you have for sale.”
“Do you have any preference for shape?”
“Whichever one’s the most expensive.”
The manager almost wets himself in excitement. “Right this way!”
Someone please fucking kill me now.
I follow behind them as they walk to a lighted glass display case near the back of the store. We’re the only customers, as Declan called and arranged a private showing for us.
I didn’t tell him I was bringing Reyna instead of Lili, because I didn’t want to get a lecture. Now I’m thinking I could’ve used a good lecture to talk me out of such a dumb idea.
I have no doubt that by the time we leave, I’ll be flat broke.
The manager, who still hasn’t introduced himself, hops behind the case and makes spokesmodel hands at the rows of glittering rings nestled in white velvet below.
I hear words like flawless and exquisite, but I’m too distracted to pay attention to anything else.
Reyna has leaned over the counter. Her posture and the way the fabric of her dress clings emphasizes the perfect rounded swell of her arse. Inspecting the goods in the case below, she lifts a hand to her jaw and slips a pinky between her lips, biting the tip of it in concentration.
Good God, that mouth. How I want to fuck that luscious mouth.
I have to force myself to look away so the front of my trousers won’t get tented.
“The pink ones are gorgeous. Lili would love those.”
“You have excellent taste,” the manager says, sounding awed. “Pink diamonds are among the rarest of all gems.”
“Probably the priciest, too,” I mutter.
“They sell for between one to five million per carat, depending on clarity and cut.”
When I send him a sour glance, he smiles like a used car salesman. “But who can put a price on true love?”
“Me,” I say flatly. “And it isn’t five million bloody quid.”
The manager glances at Reyna, who’s giving me a look that could melt solid steel.
“But darling,” she purrs, slinky as a panther. “Aren’t I worth it?”
I narrow my eyes at her.
She smiles.
Sensing a power play between us and an opportunity to profit from it, the manager says to Reyna, “If you’re looking for something really unusual, try this.”
He opens the back of the case with a key from the chain on his wrist, removes a clear acrylic stand, and sets it on the glass counter. On the stand sits a ring composed of a simple rose gold band with an enormous blood-red stone set in the middle. It glitters and flashes under the light like it’s alive.
“Is that a ruby?” says Reyna, frowning at it.
The manager replies in a hushed voice. “It’s a red diamond. One of only a few ever mined. It contains zero impurities and is absolutely flawless.”
It’s also the exact color of Reyna’s lush lips.
I stare at it, mesmerized by the vivid hue.
“Try it on,” the manager urges, pulling the ring off its stand.
“Oh, no, I couldn’t,” Reyna starts to protest. But the manager has seized her hand and is already sliding the ring onto her left ring finger.
She yanks her hand away, but it’s too late.
The ring sparkles on her finger like a big, brilliant drop of blood.
She holds her hand out as far away from her body as it will reach and gapes at it with wide, unblinking eyes. She’s pale, and her hand is trembling.
I’m not sure, but I think she’s about to vomit.
Very gently, I grasp her wrist and slide the ring off her finger. The tattoo on her skin appears somehow darker, the slanting script seeming to crawl like hissing snakes.
I blink, and the illusion is gone.
Reyna murmurs something in Italian, then exhales a shaky breath.
“It is, isn’t it?” says the manager, beaming.
I hand the ring back to him. “You know Italian?”
He nods. “My mother was born in Rome. I never lived there, but we were brought up as kids speaking it at home. I took some college courses as well.”
Reyna pulls her arm from my grip. “Please excuse me. I need to use the restroom.”
“Yes, of course. Just through that archway. Second door on your left.”
Nodding distractedly, she hurries away without looking back.
As the manager is putting the ring back into the case, I say in a low voice, “Did you happen to see the tattoo on my fiancée’s ring finger?”
“Yes, Mr. Quinn, I did.”
“What does it say?”
When he looks at me quizzically, I smile at him. “She’s too shy to tell me herself.”
He chuckles. “Well, I suppose that makes sense. It is a little awkward.”
“How so?”
“Anyone with the words ‘never again’ tattooed where a wedding ring would sit probably has some strong feelings about matrimony. You must’ve been very persuasive.”
Never again.
It hits me like a kick in the gut: a powerful urge to unalive her already-dead husband.
With a new sense of urgency, I ask, “What did she say to you about the ring?”
His smile is smug. “That it’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen in her life.”
He whips out a business card from his suit pocket and writes something on the back. Then he slides it across the glass case toward me.
I pick it up, read the price of the red diamond, and almost laugh out loud.
Twenty million dollars.
Flipping over the card to read his name, I say, “Tell me, Lorenzo, if you were an eighteen-year-old girl, which of the pink ones would you like?”
He frowns in confusion. “Eighteen?”
“It’s a long story.”
On the drive back to the house, Reyna is silent.
She has an expression on her face that I’ve never seen before. It’s a mix of longing and loneliness, pain and sadness.
A kind of sadness that makes her look lost.
“You want to talk about it, viper?”
She glances at me, then turns away, shaking her head. “Talking never helps anything.”
“I know a few therapists who’d disagree with you.”
“You say that like you actually know therapists.”
“I do.”
I feel her attention sharpen, but she doesn’t look at me. “Personal friends of yours, or…?”
I shrug. “I went to counseling for a few years. Tried a few different ones.”
Now she does look at me, swinging her head around to stare at me in shock. “You?”
I grumble, “Don’t make it sound so bloody implausible.”
“Not implausible, impossible.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re you!”
“Whatever the fuck that means.”
“Did these therapists know what you do for a living?”
“No. I never talked about my work.”
“What did you talk about?”
After a moment to gather my thoughts, I say, “The meaning of life. The futility of revenge. How forgiveness isn’t for the other person, it’s for you. How to go on when you don’t have a reason for living.”
Her silence is profound. I don’t risk looking at her.
I can feel her looking at me, though, and that’s enough.
Dragging a hand through my hair, I exhale heavily. “When I was a young man, there was a time when all I did was think about dying. I wished for it, every day. I’d put myself in all these crazy situations, tempting fate.” My chuckle is dark. “I was suicidal.”
“Why is that funny?”
“Because I could easily kill another man, but I never found the guts to kill myself.”
She says softly, “Oh, Quinn. Not killing yourself wasn’t an act of cowardice. It was an act of courage. It takes so much more bravery to keep living when you’re in pain than it does to give up.”