"Mama?" Ben asked, his voice timid, hesitant.
My heart nearly broke when I heard him speak, the way it always did when I was allowed to talk to him. The phone calls were dependent on Aston's moods, and sometimes I went a month without hearing Ben's voice. He was changing so much, I knew. Aston gave me photos of him - the first time, I couldn't help but be reminded of the photos a kidnapper provided for a ransom demand as proof of life. It was a bleak thing to think about, the fact that I needed ongoing proof of life for my son.
In each picture, he was bigger, taller than the previous.
He turned five last month.
He would have spent the last two years in...I didn't know where he was, exactly. Hidden in southeast Asia. The photos were nondescript, but Ben was well-groomed, and well-cared for by a family hired for that purpose-a Thai family. So I assumed he was being held in Thailand, although I wouldn’t put it past Aston to be keeping him someplace else. I'd insisted on knowing that there was a family taking care of Ben-in some kind of delusional notion that I could bargain with my captor. But Aston had granted it, I suppose understanding that there was no way I'd comply without knowing my son was being cared for by a family.
In that way, at least, he wasn't a monster. Just pragmatic.
It didn't make it any less heartbreaking.
Each time I spoke with Ben, I tried to listen for anything in his surroundings, to pay attention to anything he said that might give me some kind of indication of where Aston was keeping him. I knew better than to ask any questions that might lead him to give me any information. Aston would kill him in a heartbeat. I knew he killed without compunction.
And if he grew tired of me...Ben's life would be extinguished.
I was forced to stay in Aston's good graces, whatever it took.
"How are you, baby?" I asked. "Are you being good?"
"Yes, mama," he said. "I'm practicing my counting and my letters."
I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, thinking about the time I was missing with my son. I was supposed to be the one to sit with him, practicing counting and teaching him to read. I was the one who was supposed to be there when he fell off his bicycle for the first time, the one who would bandage his knee, who would kiss his forehead and tell him everything would be okay. I was the one who was supposed to read him stories, to hold him when he couldn't sleep.
I wanted to ask if someone was doing those things for him now, if they hugged him. I wouldn't let my mind wander to the other possibilities, that he might not be well-treated, or even worse. I couldn't think about it. I knew it would destroy me if I thought that way.
"That's great, baby," I said. "Keep practicing. I miss you so much."
"Will you come for me soon?" he asked. I willed myself to finish the conversation, grateful for any time I had to talk to him, when I wanted to run sobbing from the room, to find Aston, the man who had taken Ben and destroyed me. I wanted to claw Aston's eyes out. I wanted to obliterate him.
More than anything, I wanted my son back.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, blinked back the tears in my eyes. "I'll see you soon, baby," I said. "You just keep being good, and I'll see you soon."
I sat at the table in the bar, looking her up and down. She was gorgeous, model gorgeous, with green eyes and red hair that cascaded down her shoulders, tendrils curling at the ends. Shirt tight across her breasts, long legs. She looked like she had stepped off the pages of a porn magazine. She was every man's fantasy.
In other words, she would be perfect for Aston.
This was my job today. This was what Aston had me doing - screening potential lovers for him. It amused him.
I felt a flash of guilt, a feeling of shame that burned through me, at the thought of recruiting her, of bringing her into Aston's bed. I should be telling her to run, far away. I should be telling her that she didn't want to be involved with a man like this, no matter how much money it meant, no matter how lavish the gifts and how free-flowing the alcohol. None of it was relevant. He would corrupt her. His darkness would settle into her. It would permeate her. He would eat her alive.
My conscience overwhelmed me for a moment, and I leaned forward, my voice low. I should warn her about him, even if I knew he probably had me followed here. I didn't know who was in earshot. But I should say something. It was the right thing to do. "Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?" I asked.