He had sent that before he came to get her for the party. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard and she begged herself to write something, anything, but her fingers refused to move. She hated how this all was making her feel. She wanted to be with him, but she was scared that it could come crashing down and she would be left with nothing. But she was left with nothing now, so really, what was she supposed to do? Take the chance, give him everything and hope they worked, or live a life of loneliness because she was pretty sure if she couldn’t give her heart to Phillip, she wouldn’t be able to give it to anyone.
The baby shower went great, or at least it seemed it had. Harper got everything she needed for a little boy, and she could see the excitement on her face from the corner she sat in. She wished she would have been a little more involved, but her mind was completely flooded with thoughts of Phillip. She needed to figure out what she was going to do. She fought with the need to text him and then decided that it would probably be best to just talk to him face to face, but she wasn’t sure what to say once she was there. And then the fear of rejection was there. He said he wouldn’t wait and she didn’t blame him one bit, but it would kill her for him to reject her. But then what if he did take her back… then what? Did they go on the way they had? She didn’t want to get married right now, or maybe even ever. She didn’t want kids, she just wanted him and Claire, and was that even okay with him? Was that enough? There were so many questions, and she needed to figure out what he wanted and hoped that it matched what she wanted. She handled the other day completely wrong. She acted before thinking and now, she had nothing.
She left in a daze, with Claire trailing behind her. Through the whole baby shower, she sat quietly beside her, involved, but Reese knew she was worried about her. Once in the car, Reese headed in the direction of Phillip’s house, her head leaning on the window as she tried to find the courage to go in with Claire and face him.
“He misses you too, you know.”
Reese looked over at Claire before looking back at the road. “I know, but this is all so difficult, Claire.”
“I get that, but being apart is obviously not good for you two. Can’t you try to work it out?”
Reese fought back the tears as she nodded. “I want to, but I don’t know how. I messed everything up.”
“I think that if you told him you missed him, he’d tell you that he missed you too, and then you two would be fine. He will understand that you messed up, just admit that. People make bad decisions when they are stressed, or scared. He gets that.”
She shook her head. “It is so much more than that. First, I am scared of what I am feeling, scared that he could hurt me, and then I don’t even know if he wants the same things I want, because I wouldn’t even give him the chance. I know this is my fault. I get that, and I know that I have to fix it. It’s just that I don’t know how. I don’t know how to look at him and tell him what I am feeling. I’ve never been good at that. I just say how it is. I love you and that’s it. You know?”
She slowly smiled and then asked, “Do you want us in your life?”
“Yes,” she said without thinking.
“Then tell him that. You two can figure out all the other crap later. If you love him and he loves you, what else is there?”
“I don’t know.”
Claire reached over, placing her hand on Reese’s. “You two belong together. It will work out, you just have to try.”
Reese thought that over as she pulled into Phillip’s driveway. Gathering her things, Claire looked over at her and asked, “What time will you pick me up tonight?”
She was confused. “Pick you up for what?”
“Game one, playoffs, we have seats. Don’t tell me you’re blowing me off.”
She groaned as she covered her face. “Please don’t make me go, Claire.”
“You said you would, and Phillip will be there!”
“I know, that’s why I don’t want to go.”
“But you guys can talk.”
“If I wanted to talk, I’d go in the house and talk to him.”
“Okay, let’s go,” she said, throwing her door open.