Hiccupping a sob, she looked away as she whispered, “I’m sorry, but you scare the shit out of me. This is so hard for me. You don’t understand how hard it is to sit here and tell you that I am scared out of my mind. I can’t do this because I am scared. I usually hold all of it in because I don’t want people to know what I am feeling, but it’s different with you. I’m scared of what you could do to me if this goes south, and I can’t let myself get hurt again. I’m sorry, Phillip.”
Phillip was silent for a moment and when she looked up at him, all she saw was rage and sorrow in his eyes.
“I won’t hurt you though. I’d die before I allowed that to happen.”
“I’ve been told that before. I can’t risk it. I can’t let what happened before happen again because you are different, way different, and I know I won’t come back from being hurt by you. I’d rather just part ways as friends.”
He shook his head slowly. “Friends, fuck, Reese, you make me feel like a fucking girl right now. I’m standing here, telling you how much I fucking love you, how much I need you and how much I’ll never hurt you. I mean, I’m putting my heart out on a platter for you and begging you to take it and all you are doing is standing there, telling me you’re sorry. I know you love me, stop saying you’re sorry, that you’re scared, that I’ll hurt you, because you aren’t a fucking psychic, you don’t know this! Take the chance with me. Love me… don’t let anything change what we have because it doesn’t have to change. We can keep being happy and loving each other.”
All she could do was blink, her eyes pooling with tears, spilling over before rolling down her cheeks. Her heart was pounding in her chest, her breathing ragged because she didn’t know how she was going to watch him walk away and stay intact but she knew she had to. Not trusting herself, she just looked up into his eyes before taking a slow step back.
“Say something!” he yelled, causing her to jump.
“I’m sorry,” she said, sucking in a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, but I can’t.”
He shook his head. “Don’t let me walk away, Reese.”
Clearing her throat, she whispered, “I have to.”
“NO! You don’t! We can have it all, but you’re just too scared to jump in with me. Yeah, it’s fucking scary. I’m scared shitless of you, but that doesn’t keep me from loving you, Reese.”
“I can’t let you destroy me.”
“I won’t. Baby, I am going to be there to support you, to help you soar. We can do it together.”
She shook her head as her lip quivered, and she looked away. She felt him watching her for what seemed like hours but it was only seconds before he whispered, “Don’t do this.”
“I have to,” she said, looking up at him. “I have to protect myself.”
“No, let me protect you, let me love you.”
“And what happens when you stop… because he did. He stopped loving me and let me go. I can’t let it happen again.”
His eyes widened and then he looked away, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t do that but it doesn’t matter what I say because you’ve made up your mind, you’ve put me in his category, and there is no way out for me.”
With his shoulders falling in defeat, he headed for the door and swung it open when he reached it. Turning to look at her, he shook his head and she could see the tears in his eyes. “You are going to realize the mistake you just made and I can’t promise you that I’ll be there to take you back so, if I were you, I’d take my head out of my ass and follow your heart. I know you have one, it’s in there, but you have that sucker locked down tighter than the Pentagon. It’s time to stop that because letting me walk away will be the biggest mistake of your life. You will miss me and you will hurt over me more now with the regret than if we had let this play out and see where it went. Which I know how it would have gone… it would have been great and we would be happy, working as a team to raise Claire, but instead of taking the chance on me, believing in us, you chose to be alone. Yeah. Good luck with that.”
With that, he slammed the door shut and she didn’t stop him. Instead, she crumbled to the floor and hoped she drowned in her tears. She had thought she was making the right decision but if she was, why did it hurt so badly?