Once she was alone, Sophy let herself slump in her chair. Thanks for being understanding. She hadn’t felt very understanding last night when the hours had ticked by. She must have fallen asleep after three o’clock and he hadn’t been home then. She knew he liked to let his hair down after a show and relax with his pals, but he was usually home by midnight, one o’clock at the latest. She had been furious last night and her rage had brought to the surface all the doubts and fears she had about their marriage, and about Toby. She’d thought he might be with Rosalind, she had imagined them together and told herself she didn’t believe there was nothing but friendship between them. And then this morning . . . She buried her face in her hands for a moment. Oh, she felt awful. Thank goodness he didn’t know what she had been thinking. Poor Toby. He must be feeling wretched.
She sat quietly drinking a cup of coffee, letting the fresh air touch her face as she gazed out of the window and up at the patch of blue sky to be seen above the building opposite. It hadn’t been the moment to tell him her news: last night, they had been informed that the play was doing so well they were going to run for another six months at least, and she had taken the opportunity to see the manager and negotiate a rise in salary. From next week she would be earning double her present rate. Six guineas a week. She hadn’t quite been able to believe it when she had left the office, but of course she hadn’t let the manager see that. But she had followed the advice Mr Gregory had given her when she had said goodbye to him on leaving the Lincoln.
‘Value yourself, Sophy.’ He had smiled at her and not for the first time she’d realised he was really a very attractive man and that his disfigurement added to his brooding appeal, rather than otherwise. ‘If you don’t, no one else will. Be courageous, especially when asking for financial satisfaction. Put a top price on your acting ability in any part you’re asked to play, you can always agree to drop a little if necessary but it will be too late to negotiate up if you agree to a lower salary. All managers, mine included, will try to do their best for the owners rather than the actors. Remember that.’
She had remembered it last night, and instead of asking for five guineas – and she had thought that was on the top side – she had asked for six, never dreaming it would be agreed. But eventually it had. And they were going to need it now, with Toby out of work.
Not that it would be for long, she amended hastily, as though the thought had been a criticism. And they would manage quite well. Here a little frown came between her eyes. It had been a worry over the last months since they had become man and wife how Toby’s salary seemed to drain away each week. They had agreed Toby would pay the rent, and that she would provide for their food and any household expenses out of her wage. Of course on top of this they both had to find travelling expenses, along with clothes and shoes and other living costs, but even so, it was rare that Toby had any money in his pocket at the end of each week. She knew he spent a considerable amount on drink with his friends when they frequented the gambling clubs now and again, and sometimes dined there, but when she had spoken to him about it, it had caused such ill-feeling between them she hadn’t mentioned it again, not wishing to appear the nagging wife. But depending on how things panned out over the next weeks, she might have to raise the subject again.
Marriage wasn’t what she had expected it to be.
The thought came before she could dismiss it and she realised it had been hovering at the back of her mind for some time. She had assumed they would do things together, spend most of their free time in each other’s company, but it hadn’t worked out that way. Half the time she didn’t know where Toby was or what he was doing when he left the flat, and if she questioned him he always made her feel at fault. He was always telling her not to be so ‘provincial’ as though it was the greatest crime, and only last week, when she had asked him to accompany her to Cat’s birthday party and he’d said he had a prior engagement and she’d got upset, he’d accused her of being a burden. She had been both upset and angry, and the anger had enabled her to go unescorted with her head held high and pretend to enjoy herself, ignoring the curious glances of those present who clearly wondered where Toby was.
Sophy bit her lip, telling herself post-mortems never did any good. They had got over that episode and it did no good to drag it up now. Dolly said men took a while to settle into marriage and she was probably right.
She finished her breakfast, forcing herself to eat and drink and then cleared the table. When she came to the muslin cloth which she always removed after breakfast, putting a vase of flowers in the middle of the table, she paused, staring at it for a long time. And then she folded it carefully as she did every day and put it away, setting the vase in place, which she could hardly see for the tears streaming down her face.
PART FIVE
The End of One Beginning
1908
Chapter 15